12 Things INFJs Absolutely Hate

an INFJ is frustrated

INFJs are usually understanding and empathetic, more so than many other types, but even they have their limits.

The INFJ type is thought to be the rarest among the 16 Myers-Briggs personality types, making up just 1-2 percent of the population. INFJs are known for being patient, gentle, and kind. They are empathetic and often feel a strong need to help others. INFJs may put other people’s needs before their own and are passionate about supporting causes they believe in.

Even though INFJs are usually highly sensitive people who are understanding and sympathetic, more so than many other types, they have their limits. There are certain things that INFJs really don’t like. (However, it’s important to remember that these dislikes can vary from one INFJ to another.)

So, here are 12 things that most INFJs absolutely cannot stand.

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Things the INFJ Hates

1. Staying on the surface

INFJs understand that small talk is a part of social rituals, so they engage in it, and many have learned to do it quite well. (After all, many INFJs could be considered extroverted introverts.)

However, what INFJs really crave is diving deep. They want to know what’s really going on in your mind. They might sense that even though you say “everything’s fine,” it might not be the whole truth.

Due to their sensitivity and empathy, INFJs can often see behind the public mask that most people wear. They usually wait patiently for others to open up. Sometimes, they might try to speed up this process by asking “casual” questions. What they find difficult is when others don’t let them into their inner world.

(Speaking of sensitivity, are you a highly sensitive person? Here are 27 “strange” things that sensitive people do.)

2. Manipulation and deceit

No one appreciates being manipulated or deceived, and this is particularly true for INFJs. Their ability to read people well often leads them to have strong intuitive feelings about when someone is being untruthful or when a story doesn’t make sense. It’s hard to hide things from an INFJ.

INFJs are often idealistic and take pride in maintaining high moral standards. They strive to be as honest as possible with others and aim to be a force of good in the world. Therefore, they find it especially disheartening when others choose to act dishonestly or immorally.

3. People who take and rarely give

Like everyone else, INFJs enjoy making other people happy and feel good about being a positive influence in someone’s life. They often put the needs of others, especially those of a group or family, before their own needs. This shows how empathetic and caring they are.

However, this positive trait can sometimes be exploited. Some people might unintentionally take advantage of it without realizing the impact on the INFJ. Others might be more toxic, like narcissists. Unfortunately, being sensitive and caring always means there’s a risk of people trying to use your empathy for their benefit.

When people don’t notice or appreciate the sacrifices INFJs make for them, or if they don’t reciprocate these efforts, INFJs will end up feeling resentful and frustrated.

4. Arguing just to argue

Most people don’t like conflict, but for sensitive introverts like INFJs, conflict can be particularly overstimulating and overwhelming. When someone frequently dismisses their feelings, criticizes their statements as if it’s “just for fun,” or is argumentative without any apparent good reason, INFJs really hate it and might distance themselves from such people.

They might even engage in what’s known as the “INFJ door slam,” a situation where they abruptly cut off contact with someone. You can read the truth about the INFJ door slam here.

INFJs seek harmony in their relationships. Like anyone else, they need love, emotional support, and to feel accepted by those close to them.

5. Chaos and unpredictability

INFJs are rarely truly spontaneous. They thrive with a certain level of structure and organization in their lives and perform best when they can mentally prepare for upcoming events, conversations, and situations.

In environments or relationships that are chaotic or unpredictable, INFJs might struggle to “roll with the punches” and experience persistent underlying stress. For example, if they are dating someone and the plans frequently change at the last minute, this can be quite stressful for INFJs.

Most people find chaos and disorganization uncomfortable, but this is particularly true for INFJs. They may not always be able to pinpoint exactly what is bothering them, but such unpredictable situations, especially in close relationships, are typically more distressing for them due to their introverted need for routine and familiarity.

6. Not getting enough alone time

Though often mistaken for extroverts due to their deep interest in people, INFJs are true introverts who require plenty of time alone. (You can read the signs that you are an extroverted introvert here.)

Without enough alone time, INFJs will start to feel stressed and exhausted. Every small thing may begin to irritate them, and they might lose their typically patient and understanding nature (a.k.a. the introvert hangover). They could even become sharply mean and critical. In such situations, they’ll start to feel unhappy with their life and may even dislike the person they become under such stress.

7. When people are inconsiderate

INFJs are usually very conscientious and have a keen ability to understand others. However, not everyone has this ability. When others appear oblivious, or when they are rude or mean, it really bothers INFJs.

For example, if an INFJ makes time to listen to a friend’s problems, but that friend consistently fails to reciprocate this attention and support in the INFJ’s times of need, the INFJ would find this lack of mutual care deeply troubling.

8. Having to compromise their values

INFJs are idealists who view the world in a unique way, recognizing the interconnectedness of everything. They understand that words, emotions, and actions create a ripple effect, influencing people across generations and geographical spaces.

As a result, they often develop a strong sense of how things “should” be, particularly regarding culture, society, and humanity. When they find themselves in a situation where they must compromise their values, whether in the INFJ’s work or in a relationship, they will deeply resent it.

9. Having to focus too much on mundane details

INFJs naturally focus on the big picture. Their minds are tailored for strategy, creativity, and visionary thinking. Tasks that demand attention to mundane details or routine maintenance can be particularly wearisome for them. Whether it’s in their jobs, at school, or in everyday life, spending a lot of time on work they perceive as trivial and meaningless can lead to frustration.

For example, if an INFJ is required to spend hours on meticulous data entry or detailed record-keeping, they might find this work not only tedious but also draining.

10. Harsh criticism

Words are incredibly important to INFJs. They find comfort and encouragement in positive, uplifting words, which can greatly boost their spirits. On the other hand, negative or critical words can have a profound effect, sometimes leaving them dwelling on these comments for a long time.

Like all personality types, INFJs are not without their flaws, and they understand the importance of constructive feedback. However, the manner in which feedback is given is crucial. INFJs can become quite unsettled by criticism that is harsh, nitpicky, or accusatory. They respond much better to feedback that is presented in a gentle, considerate way.

11. Conflict

Arguments, tension, and drama can be particularly distressing for someone with an INFJ personality, as they tend to be highly sensitive and empathetic. Such conflicts might not only cause emotional discomfort but can also make them feel physically unwell. This is especially true during fights with loved ones or amidst ongoing, unresolved tension in a relationship. Like other sensitive personalities, INFJs might experience stomach aches, muscle pains, or have trouble with sleeping or eating when facing tumultuous situations at work or with a loved one.

However, this doesn’t mean you can’t disagree with an INFJ. Approach them respectfully and calmly. Hear their emotions (even if you don’t agree with them) and don’t dismiss their feelings and concerns. When you communicate in a fair and calm way, INFJs will usually respond well.

Do you ever struggle to know what to say?

As an introvert, you actually have the ability to be an amazing conversationalist — even if you’re quiet and hate small talk. To learn how, we recommend this online course from our partner Michaela Chung. Click here to check out the Introvert Conversation Genius course.

12. Cruelty in any form

Because INFJs are highly sensitive, they tend to be more deeply affected by their surroundings. They may have a strong aversion to any form of violence or cruelty, whether it’s harm towards animals, hate crimes, or even larger-scale atrocities like genocide. While most people are against these things, INFJs and other sensitive personalities may feel extra upset by them.

It’s not uncommon for an INFJ to turn off the TV when confronted with a distressing advertisement about animal abuse, or to avoid watching upsetting news stories. If they are exposed to such content, they may find themselves thinking about those cruel things for a long time.

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