Extroverts enjoy going along for the ride. I only have to mention wanting to visit a certain place, and my extroverted husband will make it happen.
We’ve all heard the saying, “opposites attract.” And it couldn’t be more true as far as introverts and extroverts are concerned.
Everyone needs alone time, as well as social stimulation — which gives introverts and extroverts a natural common ground. I know from personal experience: I’m an introvert who’s married to an extrovert. We’re similar in many ways, including the fact that we’re both homebodies. How can he be a homebody and be an extrovert? Easily. He enjoys inviting people over to the house rather than going out and spending money.
There are many positives to a relationship like ours – here are a few of those benefits.
The Benefits of an Introvert-Extrovert Marriage
1. Your social calendar is always booked, but in a good way.
Extroverts make plans on top of plans, wanting to ensure they have quality time with their friends and family. When you’re married to an extrovert, you’re included in these plans, as they will want to share their social circle with you. Sometimes, my husband will make plans with my family for us, too, because he’s always contacting people and figuring out the best times to get together.
At first, one aspect of this dynamic that was difficult for me was my need to establish boundaries with my social time. If it were up to my husband, the house would be filled with people daily. Before the COVID-19 pandemic, we would often have small gatherings, the majority of people being his friends. (I’d invite a friend or two of mine, as well.) These events gave me the opportunity to socialize when I felt I needed that stimulation — but without the pressure of being the entertainment.
My need for quiet time is still respected and prioritized, as my husband will usually ask me before inviting people over. We discuss expectations before guests arrive, too. If I’m burnt out and want time alone, I can go into our bedroom and read or take a bath while he hangs out with his friends. If I want to sit with everyone, but not engage in active activities, that’s okay, too. Daily, I also have the option of socializing one-on-one with my husband, so it’s nice to get the benefit of maintaining relationships with others through his social planning.
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2. You have a spontaneous companion who’s willing to go where you’d like to go.
Extroverts usually enjoy going along for the ride. Since they need social stimulation to recharge, they can make excellent companions for running errands or checking out new places. I only have to mention wanting to visit a certain venue, and the next time we’re looking for something to do on our day off, my extroverted husband will make it happen.
My husband also wants to ensure that I have positive social experiences, as he knows that bad ones can make me anxious or reluctant to go out again. At first, I was embarrassed about these moments of overstimulation and the reactions they would cause (like panic attacks). But my extroverted husband is supportive and helps me feel safe in new situations. If I’m ever uncomfortable, we can leave — no questions asked.
This extra support makes deciding where to go (and what to do) much easier, since I know I’ll have my partner with me to make every situation better. He’ll go with me to the bookstore, buy groceries, or to try out new restaurants. He can also entertain himself if I want some extra time to browse the shelves or admire the sights on my own. Either way, he’s along for the experience and to spend quality time together.
3. There’s someone to help get you out of your head (since introverts are masters at overthinking).
Too much isolation isn’t good for anyone, and introverts can fall into a slump when they’ve spent too much time alone. Introspection can be an amazing way to learn more about ourselves and the world overall, but too much introspection can cause anxiety — we might overthink things to the point of creating fears.
Being married to an extrovert helps my overthinking, since he will look out for me mentally and ensure I’m not spending too much time solo. For example, when I decided to start working from home, he was worried that I’d be alone too often and become depressed. I explained that consistent alone time would actually make my life more balanced: I wouldn’t feel burnt out or have a desperate need to isolate myself from others. This way, I could (literally) have more breathing room. When I put it that way, he understood.
With that shift in our lives, I do spend a lot of my days working alone, but then I’m ready to socialize when he gets home. Conversely, he can become restless when he’s alone too long, so he’ll ask me if I’d like to do something with him to get out of the house. So we’ll go for a walk or to the gym for an hour. These things will remind me to get out of my head and enjoy feeling present in my life.
4. They can cover for you when your social battery is low.
Even with boundaries in place, there are still times when we introverts feel obligated to socialize more than our social battery allows. For instance, there might be a work event on the same day as a close friend or family member’s birthday. Even with the right preparation, our “people meters” will eventually run low and we’ll want is some solitude — ASAP.
If we reach the point of burnout, we introverts can appear rude, as overstimulation can cause us to shut down or have difficulty focusing. We might want to say hi to everyone and spend quality time with them, but we’re tired and in desperate need of recharging. In these moments, my husband comes to the rescue — he will notice my energy shift, and he can easily step in to create a safe place for me to be still and sit quietly while he masterfully continues small talk with everyone. (See? I’m telling you — an introvert/extrovert relationship is the best!)
My husband also understands that, when I’m overstimulated, he can create a good excuse to get us out of socializing without appearing rude. Extroverts know how to navigate many social situations, so they can act as an advocate for their introverted partner who’s overstimulated or exhausted from socializing. My husband will quickly smooth out abrupt departures by promising future plans (and then sticking to them — he is an extrovert, after all!).
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5. They inspire you to experience things you might have otherwise shied away from.
This can often be the scary part about dating an extrovert: Trying new things. In past extroverted partnerships, my boyfriends didn’t respect my boundaries or my introversion. They enjoyed my presence when I had the energy to be social, but they didn’t truly understand my needs as an introvert. Understanding your partner’s needs is an important aspect of any relationship, especially an introvert/extrovert relationship, as being pushed to try new things can either be a great experience for introverts — or incredibly traumatizing. The results depend on the person and the relationship.
While keeping that disclosure in mind, I find this aspect incredibly rewarding in my relationship with my husband — I know I can trust him. He knows my limits and my needs when we’re out in public, so he ensures he’ll know the answers to my potential questions before they’re even asked. He will also sometimes inspire me to experience something I would have never thought possible for me. When I’ve alluded to wishing I could be brave enough to do something, he reminded me that I can be and has supported me in that venture.
Extroverts don’t shy away from the spotlight either, so they can serve as a great companion for performative activities. I’ll feel more comfortable sharing an excerpt of my writing at an open mic if I know he’s in the front row to encourage me. Or I can go to a crowded event for a performance I’ve always wanted to see, knowing he’ll get me out of there if things become too much.
Opposites Do Attract — You’ll See
Many people might not realize the intricate ways these opposing personality types — introverts and extroverts — can find common ground and true love for one another. As a rule, keeping a strong hold on your boundaries is essential to maintaining positive, good relationships with anyone, and they can be fulfilling in forming romantic bonds. Introverts and extroverts can work together to create some wonderful memories and a strong foundation. You’ll see!
My fellow introverts who are coupled up with an extrovert, what would you add to my list? I’d love to hear in the comments!
You might like:
- I Married an Extrovert. Here’s How I Handle Our Differences.
- 3 Things I’ve Learned as an Extrovert Married to an Introvert
- Here’s the Love Language of Each Introverted Myers-Briggs Personality Type
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