This process is designed to get your dreams, and some fears, out of your head so you broaden your world.
We are all creatures of habit. We develop our own comfort zones based on our strengths. Outgoing people have their favorite places — often among people — while introverts tend to find serenity by ourselves (since we love our alone time) or with our small group of confidantes. Neither way is wrong; they’re just different.
Everyone, extrovert and introvert, needs to continue to stretch and reach in order to grow. But it may be extra challenging for us “quiet ones.” Introverts are often quite ambitious, driven by the goals and high standards that we hold in our heads. Yet the outside world is filled with social expectations, conflict, and stress, and many introverts have grown up with frustration. This can lead to defeat or low self-esteem, especially when compared to others who seem much more at ease, carefree, and adventurous.
So how do introverts break free to become their best selves? This four-tiered system will help you test your limits and challenge your fears as an introvert.
Try the ‘Growth Rings’ Formula to Test Your Limits
Often, even our own desires to grow can seem overwhelming, and many introverts often crave the structure of a step-by-step process. Growth Rings, a system I created, provides a simple, yet effective, way to expand your comfort zone for any facet of your life, from relationships and social outings to work and hobbies. It’s basically four circles with various “rings”: Home Base, Neighborhood, Adventure, and Frontier.
Change can be scary, particularly for introverts, but this process is designed to get your dreams, and some fears, out of your head so you broaden your world. And the best part is that you control the journey.
The Growth Rings is a process, but you decide how far to extend your comfort zone — even trying the first ring is a win; and if you achieve it, even better! The victory is in stretching yourself, not in achieving the final Frontier Ring. With this process and control, you will find exciting new experiences. (If I did it, so can you!)
Creating Growth Rings has enabled me to grow in many different ways, including running a half marathon, mentoring many individuals at work, and being vulnerable when writing my memoir. As a result, I’ve had many magic moments I’d never dreamed of and have discovered a new sense of self-esteem that had been absent since my childhood.
You, too, can reach new heights with your own Growth Rings. But first, it’s important to keep these factors in mind before you start using the rings.
Keys to Using the Rings
- Understand your strengths: I created a quick, free, confidential, and personalized Introvert Superpower Quiz so you can learn more about your strengths and how to leverage them. Lean on these strengths to give yourself confidence and the tools you need to test your limits.
- Dip your toe in the water: Use your strengths and start with small steps in the next Ring … then the next … and so on.
- Consider if your excitement, pride, and satisfaction are greater than the fear, stress, or discomfort: If it is, keep going. Practice will help make this a new comfort zone for you.
- If the satisfaction is dwarfed by the stress, STOP: Be proud of yourself for trying; many do not. Your aim is not to be like someone else, a gregarious extrovert, a motivational speaker, or a daredevil. You are just trying to be the best you. This experience of stretching will expand yourself in many ways, but the idea is that it builds happiness and confidence, not detracts from it.
Now, without further ado, here are the four Growth Rings broken down and examples of how to use each.
1. Home Base
The inner circle is your Home Base — in other words, your natural comfort zone. It’s whatever brings you tranquility and peace that you migrate to at the end of a long day. For introverts, this may include things that make you happy, like reading, writing, watching a movie, or dinner with family.
This also includes those most comfortable times at work where you can pursue your passion without the need to be someone you’re not. However, as important as this recharge time is for introverts, you are missing out if you permanently stay in this zone.
If you dip your toe in the water, you will find anxiety at times, but you’ll also find new favorites, passions, and pride.
My Home Base: I’ve always been shy and reserved. Yet one of my Home Bases at work is a desire or calling to help others — to teach and to learn: I’ve always sought opportunities to mentor younger employees, listen to their issues, and share some advice.
2. Neighborhood Ring
The first ring from the middle is the Neighborhood Ring — it’s nearby, it’s familiar, and it doesn’t require much risk-taking. As you acknowledge your introversion and learn about your strengths — such as your heightened observation skills, creativity, planning, or interest in learning — you can begin to use those superpowers to stretch beyond your natural comfort zone and try new things.
These new activities apply your natural abilities in different ways. For instance, on a social scale, your introverted self may be most comfortable at home alone or with your immediate family. But if you leverage your strengths of creativity and planning, you may find a whole new joy connecting with coworkers or friendly acquaintances.
My Neighborhood Ring: When I realized I was getting new energy from sharing work-related concerns with coworkers, I decided to expand my experience to become a leader of a 10-person mentoring circle for relatively new employees — my Neighborhood Ring.
I used my empathy and calm demeanor to build trust, and we began sharing concerns and solutions for their career development. I took a chance and, as a result, made an impact on many people while also gaining an energy boost during the day.
3. Adventure Ring
The next ring from the center is the Adventure Ring, which requires you to go further out of your comfort zone. It’s like a road trip — you are in new, unchartered territory; it’s exciting, yet scary. Here again, lean on your strengths to try new experiences and you will feel like you are stretching far from your introverted comfort zone.
In our social example, you may attend a friend’s party mostly with strangers. You can lean on your preparation to ease your apprehension. For example, you can ask your host in advance who will be there.
You can also prepare some interesting points about yourself and questions you may toss into the conversation. You may even jot these on a piece of paper and review it in the bathroom if you suffer from social anxiety or a loss of words during the evening.
The Adventure Ring is much less comfortable. However, you may grow to like it — and it’ll also make you grow as a person — but it may take some practice.
My Adventure Ring: Feeling more confident at work, I later secured a supervisory role in a small team of twelve coworkers. This moved me into the Adventure Ring, which offered considerably more vulnerability, tension, and responsibilities than mentoring, but also provided me with gratification and pride. It took a lot of practice and patience, but this leap was quite worthwhile.
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4. Frontier Ring
The outside ring is the Frontier Ring — you’ll likely be far from comfortable. You may never feel ready to take this leap and that’s OK. But if you take steps through the Neighborhood and Adventure Rings, you may feel up to the challenge.
Socially, you may attend a cocktail hour, go to a bar, or attend a conference happy hour with a roomful of strangers. Networking as an introvert may not be easy, ever, but this is a good time to introduce yourself and meet others. Let curiosity be your guide.
My Frontier Ring: My career eventually gave me the opportunity to manage a larger global team of about 30 people. I was definitely in the Frontier Ring — far from my comfort zone.
I leaned on my experience and worked hard to succeed, but found that this role was not filled with joy. I seemed to be consumed with administrative tasks and corporate politics, far away from the small team meetings and mentoring that I had grown to love. My days had more social responsibilities and moments of conflict than I could tolerate.
The stress of the role far outweighed the satisfaction from the activities that drew me to it. In this case, I found the Frontier Ring was not a good fit for me.
I eventually returned to a more suitable supervisory role that fit my personality; well beyond the 1:1 mentoring that kicked off this path, but far from the unbearable anxiety of the larger role. However, all in all, I was proud of my progress in stretching my comfort zone.
‘Practice Makes Perfect’ When Using the Growth Rings
The Growth Rings formula provides a pathway to get you out of your comfort zone by testing your limits and challenging your fears. As a lifelong introvert, this may sound painful at times, but the value of trying new things is the growth and boost in confidence you will find and likely appreciate.
And don’t worry if you find that some activities will remain in your Home Base. Meanwhile, many others will stretch to your Neighborhood Ring, fewer will land in the Adventure Ring, and perhaps none will land on the Frontier Ring.
Remember, you don’t have to do every single ring. Your goal is not to push everything out to the extreme, but to use your strengths to test your limits and create your new comfort zone.