Why Introverts Retreat to Their Bedrooms

An introvert relaxes in her bedroom.

When we introverts retreat to our bedrooms, we’re seeking peace, solitude, and no interruptions from the outside world.

As an introvert, I’m very particular about my bedroom. My bedside tables and walls are decorated with ornaments and art given to me by friends and family. My vanity serves as both the heart of my self-care routine and my desk. It’s carefully stocked with a well-curated collection of makeup and skincare products, as well as a drawer for journals, stationary, and pens. There is a place for everything (and everything is in its place).

The only bedding I employ is a fitted sheet, a beloved (and well-worn) comforter, and three pillows, meticulously arranged to accommodate my odd sleeping position. I spend most of my time in bed sleeping, but I also find myself there for two or three hours a day when I’m in need of quiet and solitude. I’ll curl up under my comforter and read or play games on my phone until I’m ready to face the world outside my bedroom door again.

Speaking to other friends and family members who are introverts, I know I’m not the only “quiet one” who takes refuge in their bedroom. It’s a common practice for us introverts in all stages of life, whether children, adults, or seniors.

So what is it about our bedrooms that we introverts find so attractive?

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Why the Bedroom Is a Safe Haven for Introverts

Introverts often find an abundance of noise and commotion to be overwhelming and overstimulating because of how our brains work. Social situations can drain us, and we need time alone to get our energy back. Solitude is our fuel, and it helps us remain sane amongst the hubbub of daily life. Needing alone time and being drained by too much socializing is a big part of what being an introvert means.

Having a private space, like a bedroom, is essential for introverts to recharge properly. It’s not just a nice thing — it’s necessary. Picture a comfy little room where you can close the door and everything else just goes quiet. For many introverts, a bedroom is exactly that. It’s not only about enjoying alone time; it’s about having a specific place where we can breathe, think, and just be ourselves with no one watching or expecting anything.

When we introverts retreat to our bedrooms, we’re seeking peace, solitude, and no interruptions from the outside world. We might read, write, work, or just think. Whatever we’re doing, we’re happy to be in a quiet, familiar place, reflecting on life and letting our guard down. This alone time in our safe space gives us the energy to go back out and be with people again.

Don’t Take It Personally When Introverts Retreat to Their Bedrooms

If you’re an extrovert with an introvert in your life, please understand that when we retreat to spend time alone in our bedroom, it’s probably not about you — it’s about us. We’re not necessarily hurt or upset with you when we seek solitude. It’s in those quiet moments alone that we recharge and find the strength to be the vibrant and loving friend, family member, or partner who you cherish.

For introverts, that alone time is our way to unwind, de-stress, and process our thoughts and feelings. It’s like taking a peaceful nap in the middle of a hectic day. While extroverts might recharge through lively conversations and social interaction, introverts recover their energy with quiet and solitude. Our bedroom turns into a safe spot where we can stop trying to be social and just be our true selves without worrying about being judged or meeting someone’s expectations.

If we “quiet ones” don’t get this downtime, we’ll feel overwhelmed, irritable, or mentally fatigued –a.k.a, the introvert hangover. This isn’t beneficial for anyone, including the people we care about. By honoring and respecting our need for solitude, you support our well-being and enable us to be the best we can be within our relationship with you.

How to Create a Bedroom Refuge

Since your bedroom is your refuge, you’ll want to create a space that works best for your needs. Here are four tips to do just that.

1. When it comes to decor, choose colors and items that make you feel calm and happy.

You don’t have to be a minimalist, but you also don’t want your room to be cluttered, because clutter can be linked to increased stress, anxiety, and depression. Find a way to strike a balance by only decorating with the items you love most, and storing or donating items you no longer need.

2. Don’t work in bed.

Your bed should only be used for relaxing activities — reading, watching television, and most important, sleeping. Otherwise, you might have a hard time falling asleep, because your mind will begin to associate your bedroom with work, not relaxation, according to the Division of Sleep Medicine at Harvard. If you have to work in your room, do so at a desk or in a cozy chair.

Do you ever struggle to know what to say?

As an introvert, you actually have the ability to be an amazing conversationalist — even if you’re quiet and hate small talk. To learn how, we recommend this online course from our partner Michaela Chung. Click here to check out the Introvert Conversation Genius course.

3. Invite your pets into your bedroom.

Yes, really! For introverts, animals offer a special kind of companionship. They don’t drain our energy by insisting on constant conversation, engaging in small talk, or interrupting us when we speak to them. It’s also incredibly easy to make them happy — their expectations are absurdly low. As an added bonus, a study found that people who let their dogs sleep in their bedroom have a much easier time falling asleep than those who do not — as long as they’re not making noise, of course.

4. Make sure you have all the supplies that you need.

If you live with roommates and want to avoid making small talk every time you go into the kitchen, keep a stash of non-perishable snacks in your room (e.g. granola bars, nuts, chips, jerky, etc). Make it a habit to fill up a large reusable bottle with water as soon as you get home and take it with you to your room — this way you can stay hydrated without having to pop back and forth between the kitchen. Ensure your bedroom is stocked with personal electronics, books, and all items needed for your hobbies (whatever they may be) before you withdraw for that much-needed time alone. Do your best to create a little refuge of your own, one you don’t have to leave until you’re good and ready.

Introvert, is your bedroom your sacred space where you recharge? Why? Let me know if the comments.

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