I’m an Introvert. Please Don’t Put Me on the Spot.

Being put on the spot can be painful for introverts, as their deep-thinking brains need time to process and reflect.

There are few things I hate more than being put on the spot. Whether I’m being called upon to share my thoughts in an impromptu brainstorming session, or a family member has cornered me and asked me to commit to Thanksgiving plans (in the middle of June!), there is absolutely nothing worse than feeling pressured to answer right this second.

I freeze up; my mind suddenly seems to go blank, and my mouth apparently loses the ability to form words as I stutter out a flustered response.

If you’ve ever fumbled your way through an awkward interaction like this one, only to be struck with the perfect thing to say later — in your office or in the shower, after you’ve had time to fully process the conversation and think on your own — you know what I’m talking about. It can feel like you’re short-circuiting, like your brain has temporarily shut off and needs to reboot itself.

These “brain glitches” can be incredibly frustrating, particularly because I’m aware that they can make me seem unprepared or disengaged — which is not the case at all.

While I’m certain that nobody enjoys being caught off-guard, it can be especially tough for introverts to cope with being put on the spot. There are legitimate reasons for this — and it’s all related to how our brains function. (You can read the science behind why writing is easier than speaking for introverts here.)

So, here are some of the most common reasons introverts might hate being put on the spot.

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Why Introverts Hate Being Put on the Spot

1. We need time to prepare our thoughts.

Extroverts process information externally, meaning they thrive on interactions with others. This often leads them to dive right into a conversation (even before they’ve fully processed what the other person has said). This ability is one reason extroverts are often better at “keeping up” and responding off-the-cuff when they’re put on the spot.

Meanwhile, we introverts process information internally. This trait makes us excellent listeners — but it also means we might need more time to think, ideally alone in a quiet environment, so we can craft a careful response.

This processing style isn’t a conscious choice; it’s how our brains function. Dr. Marti Olsen Laney, author of The Introvert Advantage, theorizes that information travels through introverts’ brains differently than it does for extroverts.

According to Laney’s theory, when extroverts process external stimuli, it travels a shorter distance through the brain’s “quick response” areas, which process the five senses. For introverts, Laney suggests, information takes a more roundabout path, traveling through more areas of the brain — including those responsible for empathy, self-reflection, speech planning, outcome evaluation, and long-term memory, to name a few. This means we tend to think more holistically and produce more nuanced responses, but it also takes longer for these thoughts to form.

In other words (no pun intended), we introverts like (and need) to think before we speak — and when we’re put on the spot, we don’t have the time to do that.

2. It can be hard for our deep-thinking brains to switch gears.

To me, conversation has always felt like a multi-step process, and it’s often difficult to complete those steps concurrently. First, I need to listen to what is being said. Then, I must process what is being said. After that, I have to think about what I want to say in return. And then, finally, I need to articulate and speak those words. While extroverts seem to be able to fluidly perform all these functions at once, that’s often not the case for us introverts.

This is, at least partly, because introverts like to turn ideas over in our heads, examining them from all angles. When we’re lost in that kind of deep thought, it can be challenging to quickly switch gears, pulling ourselves out of it and responding to the conversation happening on the surface.

This is why, when I’m working — especially when I’m in a flow state — it sometimes takes me several minutes to register and respond to what someone is saying. It’s also why job interviews can be a nightmare, why I’m often quiet in work meetings as I contemplate the conversation, and why I rarely raised my hand in class discussions (since I was busy pondering the question being discussed).

3. It drains our mental energy.

Socializing drains an introvert’s energy. One reason for this is that we introverts tend to be observant, taking in a lot of data during a conversation.

Not only are our brains busy processing what’s being said, but we’re also reading body language, deciphering facial expressions, and picking up on other stimuli in the environment around us. All this extra information can be overstimulating — and sometimes distracting — since introverted brains want to process it all.

Another fun fact? According to research, we introverts have more gray matter in the part of our brain called the prefrontal cortex, which means we dedicate more energy to making decisions and thinking abstractly.

So, by the time the conversation comes around to us, chances are good that our limited energy is already depleted — which makes it more difficult to think (and speak) on our feet.

4. Introverts rely more on long-term memory.

Even if an introvert does, by some miracle, come up with something to say on the spot, finding the right words to use in that moment can be a whole other battle — and the reason has to do with the way we store, process, and retrieve memories.

As Jenn Granneman, the founder of Introvert, Dear, explains in her book, The Secret Lives of Introverts, introverts tend to favor long-term memory over short-term (or working) memory. This long-term memory can be more difficult to access, requiring specific triggers to help them think of the information they’re trying to recall. This means that introverts might struggle with word retrieval because they have to dig through all of that long-term memory to find the specific words they’re searching for. If the right trigger doesn’t come to them in the moment, they might fumble over their speech.

Extroverts, by contrast, tend to favor short-term memory, which is why they’re able to keep the information they need readily available and are often better able to articulate their thoughts on the spot.

5. It may cause anxiety, which makes you freeze up even more.

Finally, on top of everything else, when all eyes turn to me to see how I’m going to respond in the moment, social anxiety starts to kick in, and I really freeze up.

Of course, not all introverts are socially anxious, but many do get nervous when put on the spot (icebreaker activities, anyone?). After all, we’ve been conditioned to equate confidence and success with gregariousness and ease — the ability to coolly think on one’s feet and smoothly articulate thoughts with a wink and a smile. So, who could blame an introvert for being self-conscious when all eyes are on them, expectant, waiting for them to produce a thoughtful response on demand?

When we’re anxious, our bodies release the stress hormone cortisol — which, of course, only compounds the issue by further interfering with our ability to focus, recall memories, and form coherent thoughts.

So, knowing that being put on the spot is essentially an introvert’s worst nightmare — and knowing that it will continue to happen anyway — what can you do?

What to Do When You’re Put on the Spot

Prepare some go-to responses.

It takes a little extra mental energy, but if you often find yourself caught off guard, it’s smart to prepare ahead of time. For example, if you know your chatty coworker asks about your weekend plans every Monday morning, and you don’t want to tell her you spent another Saturday night happily watching your guilty-pleasure show alone, have another answer ready. You might say, “I spent the weekend unwinding and taking it easy. What did you do this weekend?”

Likewise, if there’s an upcoming meeting where you might need to contribute, jot down ideas beforehand. Then, make a point of throwing them out early in the conversation, before it takes a turn and the chance for you to participate passes.

You can also practice canned responses. Some conversations are impossible to prepare for, and you can’t always anticipate every possible thing someone might say. In those cases, have a generic response ready. Practice saying, “That’s an interesting idea. I’ll have to think about it and get back to you.”

Do you ever struggle to know what to say?

As an introvert, you actually have the ability to be an amazing conversationalist — even if you’re quiet and hate small talk. To learn how, we recommend this online course from our partner Michaela Chung. Click here to check out the Introvert Conversation Genius course.

Take your time.

Remember it’s perfectly okay to pause before replying. Take a moment to breathe, and don’t let anyone rush you into answering right away.

You can show that you’re thinking about your answer by using facial expressions and body language, or even buying some time with a simple, “Hmm…” This might prompt the other person to suggest you take time to think it over and get back to them. But if not, and you can’t (or don’t want to) respond in the moment, it’s okay to let them know you’ll need to think about it and follow up later.

As an added benefit, this approach allows you to follow up with an email or text — a format many introverts find more comfortable.

It’s okay to change your mind.

For me, one of the hardest aspects of being put on the spot is feeling obligated to stick to the commitment I made in the moment, without being given a chance to think about it.

Whether it’s your boss asking you to take on more work than you can manage, or a friend or family member pressuring you into last-minute plans, it’s okay to reconsider your decision. You have every right to revisit the conversation and say, “Actually, after some thought, I’ve realized I won’t be able to…”

When this happens, try not to feel guilty. After all, this person is the one who put you on the spot in the first place, and chances are they’re not spending time feeling guilty about that!

Being put on the spot can be painful for introverts. But the next time it happens to you, remember that there’s a reason your brain and body respond the way they do. It’s normal, and nothing is wrong with you — it’s the price you pay for being the brilliant, observant, deep-thinking introvert that you are.

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