Because each introverted Myers-Briggs personality type is different, the way they flirt is different, too.
Being an introvert has become an identity that resonates with a lot of us: We prefer thinking about situations versus being put on the spot, cherish a small group of close-knit friends, and love having alone time.
Oftentimes, people tend to assume that all introverts are the same. This is especially true in the world of dating advice. So, one helpful way of understanding our differences is through the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator® (MBTI®). Of course, a four-letter personality type can’t tell you everything about a person, but it can be a great place to start. When you truly understand each type of introvert, you’ll realize just how diverse they actually are.
So, how can you tell if an introvert likes you?
As the co-founder of Boo, the MBTI-based dating/social app, and the most viewed Quora writer on the MBTI, here’s what I’ve learned about how to know if the feeling is mutual, based on their MBTI type. Of course, by the end of this article, if you’re still not sure that they like you, the best thing to do is just ask.
(What’s your personality type? We recommend this free personality assessment.)
How to Know if an Introvert Likes You, Based on Their Myers-Briggs Personality Type
INFJ: You’ll never know just how self-conscious I feel.
INFJs are principled, generous, and talented communicators. They hold a passion for doing good for the world and those they love, driven by their deeply held principles and values.
Because they are masters at managing their outward emotions and often conceal their true selves (think Varys from Game of Thrones), it can sometimes be hard to tell whether they have a crush on you.
INFJs can be shy, and even though they might go out of their comfort zone to initiate communication or be around you, they’ll inevitably become self-conscious from the act of putting themselves out there romantically. They may worry about coming off as awkward and retreat into nervousness when one of their assuredly premeditated moves, like a playful touch, wasn’t as natural as they’d planned. (Just think of almost any rom-com with a moment like this.)
So what are some signs that an INFJ is into you? They’ll want to take care of you, empathize with your problems, and be supportive. They may also give you something, such as a book, and say they know you’ll really like it (even if you’ve never mentioned anything about your literary taste).
If they don’t like you, you can still expect them to be very respectful and considerate.
INFP: I will (shyly) let you into my inner introvert world.
INFPs are optimists always looking for the good in people, even in the worst of situations. They’re accepting, open-minded, imaginative, and spiritual.
When they have a crush on you, don’t expect any blatant flirting. Instead, they will try to show interest subtly and indirectly by laughing at your jokes, listening, and paying attention to your life and who you are. (They may also send you expressive emojis that they’d be too shy to express in person.)
In essence, INFPs want to show you that they care about you, your feelings, and who you are: They’ll try to cheer you up and be supportive when you’re feeling down or even send you a secret love note of admiration and appreciation. Think Hinata (a character based on the INFP personality type) from Naruto.
Typically guarded, they may subject themselves to the risk of embarrassment and open themselves up to you by showing you the artistic projects they’ve been working on, for instance.
If they don’t like you, they might ghost you or still see you anyway (since they have a hard time saying no and don’t like letting people down).
INTJ: I will plan to be more outgoing than usual.
Reserved and reflective, INTJs are strategic and intuitive thinkers, as well as thorough planners. They exude a quiet confidence, intellectual insight, and knowledge.
They’re unlikely to flirt, put themselves out there, or “put on a show.” Instead, they would rather be their authentic selves and believe that should be enough.
However, they may find ways to spend more time around you, like going out to activities they usually wouldn’t, attending parties, hiking, or going on an adventure. You may also occasionally catch them looking at you when they think you’re not paying attention. Think Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice. Many INTJs can also become more argumentative or critical when they like you (though you may get the suspicion they disagree with you less than they do with others).
Those who are more confident may even let you know that they like you as a means of not wasting time. (They appreciate being direct.) But, generally, it can take them a while to be sure about their feelings for you.
If they don’t like you, they won’t give you any false impression that they do.
INTP: You can count on my honesty and loyalty.
INTPs are the quintessential philosophers and independent thinkers. They are logical, objective, open-minded, imaginative, and low-maintenance. Not one to sugarcoat things, they can sometimes leave conversations with awkward silences, but you can count on their honesty. But beneath their aura of intellect and busy mind is an intensely loving and loyal heart.
Usually aloof and reserved, if INTPs have a crush on you, they will seem warmer and more responsive. They’ll actually respond to your messages!
You can also expect shy smiles and excuses to be near you. They’ll be interested in your mind, listen to you (really listen), and ask you what your opinion is on various topics in an effort to get to know you better. Overall, you’ll find them especially interested and curious whenever you have something thought-provoking to share.
You may feel weirdly flattered by their attention, even if you’re not completely sure why. They will go out of their comfort zone to do the basic courtship rituals they usually can’t be bothered to do, like saying hi, going through painful and forced small talk, or just asking questions to get to know you. What may seem like common dating behavior is them putting the effort into getting to know you. Because usually, they view these social norms as arbitrary social customs that don’t logically add any meaning or purpose.
If they don’t like you, expect them to forget your name (even if you’ve met 10 times) or they’ll simply not respond to your text messages.
ISFJ: I’ll pay attention to the little things.
ISFJs are supportive, reliable, and patient. Underneath their warm and selfless demeanor is a deep and resolute devotion to protecting their loved ones. They’re humble and altruistic people who underplay their accomplishments and take their responsibilities seriously.
But don’t wait around for them to ask you out: You’ll probably have to make the first move.
They are sometimes shy and might blush, avoid eye contact, or giggle anxiously if you compliment them. ISFJs can also be nervous and embarrassed revealing their feelings to someone, so they do it subtly. Instead of engaging in direct flirting, they will try to playfully tease you or lure your interest in from a distance by socially engaging in a mutual friend group. They will pay attention to the details that make you smile and show up with your favorite snacks or comfort item.
ISFJs also don’t date just for the sake of dating; usually, they want to see long-term potential with someone. And once you two become an item, they are loyal and committed to no end.
If they don’t like you, they could be less welcoming or open, and in some cases, you might get the impression they’re judging you for being weird.
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ISFP: I’m sensitive yet adventurous.
ISFPs are creative, artistic, and spontaneous souls. They are fiercely individualistic and pride themselves on thinking outside the box and crushing labels and stereotypes. They are a mix of contradictions: empathetic yet mysterious, reserved but bold, and sensitive yet adventurous.
If an ISFP likes you, they can be both shy and flirtatious at the same time. They will want to be around you all the time, but at the same time, feel awkward doing so. They may also spend time working out their feelings, conflicted about whether they actually like you or if it’s just momentary attraction.
But once they decide they actually like you, they’ll want to spend a lot of time around you — playfully touching you and flirting by brushing up against you or teasing you, inviting you to do something creative together (like make pottery), and making you feel special by planning experiences they know you’ll enjoy.
If they don’t like you, they’ll turn you down as kindly as they can.
ISTJ: I’ll take my time getting to know you.
ISTJs are honest, responsible, and uphold their promises. You can count on their dependability and long-term commitment, even during the tough times. They will attend to your needs, bringing you the things that make you smile. You can count on them to do things the right way and cautiously, evaluating all facts and details. They may seem serious and wise on the surface, but deep down, they have a quirky and lovable sense of humor.
If an ISTJ likes you, they will try to be around you, talking to you or standing close to you, but they’ll move slowly, making sure they can trust you before they make a move. This is where their practical side comes into play — they are selective when it comes to whom they want to spend their time with.
They’ll ask you out eventually, but it may take a while; flirting is practically a foreign language to them. You will be surprised and touched by their consistent, concerted, and quiet effort, though — from the attention and thought they spent putting into the date, the respect they’ve given you by their put-together appearance, or their effort to go out of their comfort zone by being more outgoing with you.
However, they may also give you mixed signals (due to their rational side taking over). But once an ISTJ falls for you, they fall hard.
If they don’t like you, don’t worry, they won’t lead you on at all. Expect no coy smiles or anything.
ISTP: I’ll be subtle about my interest in you.
ISTPs are cheerful, relaxed, and have go-with-the-flow personalities. They are laid-back, yet rebellious; intellectual, but chill. They are independent, follow common sense, and far from clingy or desperate. Fluent in sarcasm, they kind of enjoy it when people can’t tell if they’re joking or actually serious.
If an ISTP likes you, you’ll get the feeling, like a cat, that they’ll tolerate your presence, and maybe even seem to enjoy it.
ISTPs can appear detached and apathetic, but they’ll go out of their way to be around you more, starting a conversation with you at least once, but being subtle about their interest. They are practical and analytical introverts who show their love for their partners through acts of service more than lovey-dovey words of affirmation.
Instead, they’ll show their appreciation for you by cooking you delicious food or fixing something that’s been causing you discomfort. Don’t expect too much playful flirting or touching, though; they’re usually uncomfortable doing these things, at least in the beginning. They typically prefer if the other person makes the first move, but they may just tell you they like you directly if they get tired of waiting.
If they don’t like you, they might just walk away from you while you’re talking to them or make a quiet exit and not respond to your last text message … for months.
Are you a single introvert looking to date and make friends? Check out my new app Boo to discover like-minded souls.
Are you an introvert who shuts down around the people you’re attracted to?
As an introvert, you actually have the amazing ability to be irresistible, without forcing yourself to talk more. It all starts with recognizing the most common myths about dating and learning a framework for fun, flirty conversations — no extroversion needed. To learn how to connect with your true sensuality, relax, and open up on dates, we recommend Michaela Chung’s online courses for introverted men and introverted women.
You might like:
- Here’s the Love Language of Each Introverted Myers-Briggs Type
- 9 Reasons Why Dating a Fellow Introvert Is Incredible
- Will I Be Single Forever? 6 Introvert Dating Struggles
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