If you’re an INFJ personality type like me, you likely prefer long-term, lasting romantic relationships as opposed to casual encounters. However, sometimes things just don’t work out, and an INFJ is forced to move on. I’ve had my fair share of heartache and disappointment, though I seldom feel my heart has been completely broken beyond repair.
This is not because I’m callous or cold-hearted. You see, it takes a lot for the private and sensitive INFJ to open up and be vulnerable with another person. We crave deep connections, and we strive for the ideal romance. This may seem unrealistic to some other personality types, but INFJs possess a unique balance of idealism and realism. We want a great relationship, and we will do whatever it takes to build one — but only with the right person.
What is it like when this rare personality finally meets the right person? Here are seven things that happen when an INFJ falls in love. INFJs, can you relate?
(What’s your personality type? We recommend this free personality assessment.)
What It’s Like When an INFJ Finds Love
1. We’ll be fiercely loyal and protective of our relationship.
Most INFJs do not have many close relationships, because we see the world in a unique way, so we don’t click with just anybody. In fact, despite our people-oriented nature, we often feel out of place and lonely in a crowd. Plus, being introverts, we’d rather have a few close relationships than a lot of shallow ones.
But the relationships we have are tried and true. By nature, we’re nurturing individuals. When an INFJ falls in love with you, you become our absolute top priority. We will do everything within our power to protect our relationship and care for you.
2. We’ll be your biggest fan.
We will push you to be your best self while simultaneously accepting you exactly as you are (it seems contradictory, but somehow we pull it off). We see the potential you carry, and we are more than willing to remind you of how capable you are of pursuing your goals. INFJs love helping people. We also love watching people learn and grow. If there is ever a time you doubt yourself, an INFJ will remind you of how great you are, because we honestly believe you are great.
3. We’ll open up to you — but at our own pace.
When you spend time with us one-on-one, we’ll get into conversations that cover a lot of ground, everything from a traumatic moment in our childhood to our thoughts about this current political climate. But there is always more to know. For INFJs, there’s no rush to give away information about ourselves, especially if we’re certain we’ve met the right person.
As we open up to you, you will see more and more of our inner world, which is surprisingly spontaneous and adventurous (even though it may not seem that way at first glance). You will hear what awakens our passion and what has affected us in the past. We’ll open the door to our secret thoughts and feelings (a door that has probably been closed for a long time).
This is a big deal to us. Please tread lightly.
4. We’ll think about you. A lot.
INFJs, like many introverts, are often accused of overthinking and being too “in our heads.” And yes, it’s true, sometimes this tendency of ours creates a problem for us. We lie awake thinking about something embarrassing we did five years ago. Or we pour over the conversation we had earlier in the day with you, wondering if something we said hurt or disappointed you.
In truth, if we love you, we’ll spend time analyzing and reflecting on our time together. We also daydream, and yes, our fantasies will be about you.
Yet as cerebral as we are, we’re also quite sensitive and emotional. We not only feel our own emotions intensely, but we’re also sensitive to the moods you’re in, because INFJs tend to absorb the emotional states of the people around us. In other words, if you’re excited, we’re excited. But if you’re stressed, we’ll probably start to feel that stress — mentally and even physically — in our bodies, too.
5. Our actions say more than our words.
Although INFJs can write one helluva love letter, we’re not the best at expressing our feelings verbally. Instead, we tend to express our love through our actions. Sometimes I verbally withhold my feelings, but I will show someone just how much I care by helping them with something or just being there for them. If we love you, you’ll see the signs — even if we’re not saying anything out loud.
6. Even though we love you, we still need space.
Although INFJs tend to be fascinated by people, we are true loners at heart. We spend a great deal of time observing the world around us and quietly working toward our goals. We need time to decompress from (what can be for us) a harsh and exhausting world. So please don’t take it personally if we need time alone.
But it’s nice to be “alone” with you, too. I’ve found that if I truly love someone, then I often prefer to spend my “alone time” with that person. Even if we’re sitting around the house reading for hours on end, I can still decompress while being with the person I love.
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7. We will never forget you.
If for some reason the relationship doesn’t work out, please know that we will never forget you. Most INFJs take their relationships — both romantic and otherwise — very seriously. If an INFJ has ever been in love with you, then you know just how deep our love can be.
Even though we may never get the chance to say it, thank you for letting us reveal so much of who we are. It’s a real release for us to open up to someone we trust. And it doesn’t happen very often.
Rest assured you will always hold a special place in your INFJ’s heart.
“My heart is not captured easily. I am disinterested in small talk, disillusioned with love, and too focused on my dreams and aspirations to lend anybody my attention for long. But if we make that connection, if you find your way into my heart, God, I will fall for you like gravity has let go of the earth.–Beau Taplin
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- 10 Secrets of the INFJ, the Rarest Personality Type
- 12 Things INFJs Absolutely Need to Be Happy
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