7 Confessions About Falling in Love From an INFJ

If you’re an INFJ personality type like me, you prefer long-term, lasting romantic relationships as opposed to casual encounters. However, I know sometimes things just don’t work out. I’ve had my fair share of heartache and disappointment, though I seldom feel my heart has been completely broken. This is not because I am callous or cold-hearted. You see, it takes a lot for an INFJ to really open up and be vulnerable with another person. We crave deep connections, and we strive for the ideal romance. This may seem unrealistic to other personality types, but INFJs possess a balance of idealism and realism. We want a great relationship and we do what it takes to build one — but only with the right person.

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So what is it like when an INFJ falls in love?

1. INFJs are fiercely loyal and protective. We do not have many close relationships, because we don’t click with just anybody. Plus, we’re introverts, so we’d rather have a few close relationships than a lot of shallow ones. But the relationships we have are tried and true. We are also nurturing people by nature. If an INFJ falls in love with you, you become a top priority and we will do everything we can to take care of you.

2. We will be your biggest fan. If an INFJ loves you, we will push you to be your best self while simultaneously accepting you exactly as you are (it seems contradictory, but somehow we pull it off). We see the potential you carry and we are willing to remind you of how capable you are of pursuing your goals. INFJs love helping people. We also love watching people learn and grow. If there is ever a time you doubt yourself, an INFJ will remind you of how great you are because we honestly believe you are great.

3. We open up at our own pace. We may get into conversations that cover a lot of ground when you spend one-on-one time with us, but there is always more to know. To INFJs, there is no rush to give away information about ourselves, especially if we are certain we have met the right person. As we open up to you, you will see more and more of our inner world, which is surprisingly spontaneous and adventurous. You will hear what awakens our passion and what has affected us in the past. We open the door to our secret thoughts and feelings (a door that has probably been closed for a long time). This is a big deal to us, so please tread lightly.

4. We think. A lot. We’re often accused of overthinking and being too “in our heads.” If we love you, we’ll spend time analyzing and reflecting on our time together. We also daydream, and our fantasies will be about you. Yet as cerebral as we are, we’re also emotional. We not only feel our own emotions intensely, but we’re also sensitive and understanding of the moods you’re in.

5. Our actions say more than our words. Although INFJs can write one helluva love letter, we’re not the best at expressing our feelings verbally. We tend to express our love through our actions. Sometimes I verbally withhold my feelings, but I will show someone just how much I care by helping them with something or just being there for them. If we love you, you’ll see the signs.

6. We need our space. We may have a great interest in learning about people, but we are true loners at heart. We spend a great deal of time observing the world and working toward our goals. This means we need time to decompress from a harsh world, so please don’t take it personally if we need time alone. But it’s nice to be alone with you, too. I’ve found that if I truly love someone, then I prefer to spend my “alone” time with that person. Even if we are sitting around reading for hours on end, I can still decompress while being with the person I love.

7. We will never forget you. If for some reason the relationship doesn’t work out, we will never forget you. We hold significant relationships at the top of our priority list. If an INFJ has ever been in love with you, then you know how deep our love can be. We would likely want to thank you for letting us reveal so much of who we are, because it’s a real release for us to open up to someone we trust. It doesn’t happen very often. Rest assured you will always hold a special place in your INFJ’s heart.

My heart is not captured easily. I am disinterested in small talk, disillusioned with love, and too focused on my dreams and aspirations to lend anybody my attention for long. But if we make that connection, if you find your way into my heart, God, I will fall for you like gravity has let go of the earth. – Beau Taplin  

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Read this: 21 Undeniable Signs That You’re an INFJ  retina_favicon1

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  • Jeremiah Vega says:

    Great article. I think it’s something to note how varied this ‘openness’ can be from one individual to the next. I feel, personally, that I’m an open book for those I perceive are willing to listen, and who seem trustworthy. When I’m not in a relationship, that is – and I find myself consistently spearing for that connection on a soul level. Though this can fluctuate, and at other times I am completely closed off with those whom I’ve previously shared openly, even though there has been no change in our relationship (I can imagine how confusing this can be on their end.)

    However, the love of my life was an INFJ as well, yet she was incredibly private. Our bond was intense on a cosmic level, and I fear I may never experience one like this again. Yet even in exploring her depths – as she took my hand and we took the plunge – there was so much still held back. Ultimately I feel was left in the shallows. And that is frustratingly beautiful.

    • Krystle says:

      Thank you for saying that! I kept reading that INFJ’s are very private and I feel like I’m an open book sometimes. I find it hard to hide my feelings. Maybe that’s because I value authenticity and I loathe lying and manipulation. I let people know how I feel about things. But, as I’m typing this out I am thinking that I do also keep parts of myself closed off and only go deep with a small handful of people.

  • Snow Rider says:

    Yes! This is all so true! The love of my life is an INTJ. We’re not together, but he’s still in my life. I will never forget him or our powerful connection. Beau Taplin said it well, I fell for him like gravity let go of Earth.

  • Snow Rider says:

    I forgot to note in my comment above that I’m an INFJ.

  • heidi says:

    I do agree with most of this, as an INFJ myself, however there are a few things that I don’t feel are quite right. First, I certainly have fallen very much out of love with a number of people to whom at one point I had given my whole heart to. But once there was manipulation and dishonesty and aggression, that was it for me. And even though yes at one point I was in love, I do not still hold that affection for them in my heart. Also, as much as I certainly agree that INFJ’s crave meaningful relationships, most of the INFJs I know are fiercely independent, and while they enjoy being in a relationship, are just fine being single. So yes, someday I would love to find a soul mate. But I’m not in any hurry. I don’t know if these are common traits or if this is just among the INFJs I know, but I figured I would say it anyway.

  • Athb says:

    Thank you for this article, I was like reading what happened to me.

  • Aliene says:

    One of my friends is an INFJ and we went to the same school growing up and he was very popular in school and had a lot of friends so I always assumed he was extroverted and someone completely the opposite of me. But when we ended up at the same college and I actually got to know him better I was astounded at how much like me he was. He may look extroverted to most people but the person he is alone isn’t the person he is with other people. He likes journaling, painting, music, and reading. I never would’ve imagined him being like that back in high school I didn’t see it. I’m an INFP but I relate to almost everything in this article.

  • Thank you for sharing this article! I could figure it out that much since my partner is an INFJ, while I am an ENTP. Because at first, I still questioned whether he loves me or not because he almost never told me verbally (lol), but yeah, he shows his love and care with his action 🙂

  • Kimberly says:

    I am with my INFJ man, and I am ENFP man. True. I agree, ye is the introvert but not so who enjoys interesting talks with me and we can talk hours and hours though his responses are short. He said he is boring but I understand that he’s just making up a sentence to himself before saying it to me. He’s calculative and analytical that attracts me more of him. He’s mysterious too which draws me to him also and when he said he loves me, I absolutely feel it. He hasn’t had that much friends but what he’s willing to sacrifice for me is so good to be true. Our relationship is so good to be true even if we had problems, we discussed and brainstorm about it then we’re through. I never met such an interested person as he is and more still he’s introvert. I can’t get enough of him and I live him so much.