As human beings, we all do contradictory things at times. We want to be loved, yet we crave our space. We desire stability and security, yet we shun restrictions. It’s just human nature.
The INFJ, one of the 16 Myers-Briggs personality types, is no exception to this rule. And considering the INFJ’s introspective and intuitive nature, this personality is likely one of the most contradictory of all types.
(What’s your personality type? Take a free personality assessment.)
Here are 13 curious contradictions that many INFJs experience. Can you relate, INFJs?
The Contradictory Nature of the INFJ Personality
1. Finding people both fascinating and exhausting
But INFJs have another side to them: They’re fascinated by people. They love people-watching, analyzing people’s behavior, and discovering what makes someone tick. Few other personality types understand human nature as well as INFJs do.
Nevertheless, no matter how much an INFJ is enjoying uncovering the secrets of humanity — or just hanging out with friends — there will always be a voice inside them begging to escape into solitude.
2. In tune with other’s emotions but not fully understanding their own
Because INFJs are so observant of others, they quickly grasp other people’s moods and mental states. They might know, for example, when someone is disappointed but trying to hide it. Or when someone doesn’t mean what they say. Body language and tone of voice speak volumes to them. They don’t understand how others can’t read what seems so obvious to them!
Paradoxically, INFJs may not readily grasp their own emotions. For some INFJs, their emotions feel like a completely separate thing, almost as if they belong to someone else. It takes time spent alone to fully understand how they feel.
3. Thinking big thoughts but worrying about small things
How did life begin? Why are we here? What will the world be like in a thousand years from now? As intuitives, INFJs ask the big questions, especially related to human nature.
But INFJs also find themselves worrying about the mundane details of life. They desire an orderly, organized existence, and they tend to be perfectionists, especially when it comes to their work, their appearance, and their behavior. Although they’d rather be pondering the mysteries of humanity, instead, they find themselves worrying over typos in emails, something embarrassing they said, or what they’ll wear today.
4. Calm on the outside but turbulent on the inside
People of the INFJ personality tend to come across as calm and easy-going. Most people would never guess just how turbulent their inner world can be.
That’s because INFJs tend to keep their emotions to themselves, even when they feel them deeply. They may put on a face that says, “everything’s fine,” even when it’s not. And this isn’t limited to negative emotions. INFJs rarely squeal their enthusiasm or make a big public display of their happiness.
Only those closest to them know how they’re really feeling — and more often than not, they only see the tip of the iceberg.
5. Fighting for others but struggling to stand up for themselves
Nicknamed “the Advocate,” INFJs see their mission in life as helping others. Yes, they will do charity work or rescue operations, but what they really desire is getting to the root of an issue so people don’t need rescuing at all. Perhaps no other personality type is better suited to start a movement to right a social wrong; for example, Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King Jr., and Mother Teresa are all thought to have been INFJs.
Although they fight for others with strength and passion, paradoxically, INFJs tend to struggle with speaking up for themselves. By putting others’ needs first, they often neglect their own — and this leads to burnout and exhaustion.
6. Otherworldly and philosophical yet craving sensual experiences
Sometimes INFJs feel disconnected from their surroundings because they’re so in their heads. It’s not uncommon for INFJs to have an otherworldly, almost spiritual demeanor and appearance.
Perhaps INFJs crave sensual experiences because they root them back on earth: a fine meal, beautiful surroundings, quality craftsmanship, and sophisticated art and music. INFJs tend to have refined tastes, due to their Extroverted Sensing function. This often clashes with their desire to live simply and shun materialism.
7. In love with the idea of spontaneity but liking things planned out
A spur-of-the-moment vacation. Driving with no destination in mind. An unplanned adventure with friends. These things sound wonderful to the idealistic INFJ, and they may romanticize them in their mind.
But rarely are INFJs truly spontaneous, and they’re reckless even less often. Even when it seems like they’re acting spontaneously, they’re probably not — they’ve been thinking about doing this very thing for quite some time! As much as INFJs wish they could just let go, their minds are always making plans.
8. Both creative and analytical
As gifted communicators and perceptive observers, many INFJs are drawn to writing, music, the arts, or other creative endeavors. There’s a part of them that only feels satisfied when they’re using their insights to create something new.
However, INFJs are not your typical free-spirited artist. Inwardly, they’re more like a scientist, always studying and analyzing. INFJs walk effortlessly between the worlds of art and reason.
9. Perfectionists who miss small details
Obsession is not a foreign concept to INFJs. When they become invested in something, they will work tirelessly to make it as perfect as they can. INFJs want to get every word of their novel or every note of their song just right.
However, being intuitives, INFJs are focused on the big picture. This means they often overlook small details. Many INFJs have watched their best-laid plans unravel when they lock their keys in the car, forget their lunch on the counter, or completely overlook someone’s text.
10. Strive for organization but fail to fully accomplish it
INFJs wish to live in a world of order, organization, and cleanliness. Clutter can be stressful to their finely-tuned senses, and they know from first-hand experience that life runs smoother on structure and planning.
But again, due to their big-picture intuitive nature, INFJs rarely achieve the level of organization that they desire. For example, their bedroom might be perfectly clean, but their car is full of food wrappers and forgotten items. As much as INFJs might envy the ISFJ’s attention to detail, they’ll probably never make it a reality.
11. Craving deep connections but struggling to open up
Few other personality types crave the level of depth and emotional intimacy in their relationships that INFJs do. However, ironically, INFJs tend to struggle to open up to others. Private and reserved, INFJs keep a lot to themselves. It’s a rare occurrence, indeed, when an INFJ makes the meaningful connection they seek.
12. Feeling alien but wanting to make the world a better place
Thought to be the rarest Myers-Briggs personality type, many INFJs feel like the odd one out — even if they’ve worked hard to create the appearance of fitting in. But feeling like they belong on a different planet doesn’t stop the sensitive and empathetic INFJ from wanting to make the world a better place.
13. Understanding others but feeling misunderstood
INFJs feel like they understand others well — but rarely encounter someone who fully understands them.
More INFJ Resources
- 10 Secrets of the INFJ, the Rarest Personality Type
- 21 Signs That You’re an INFJ, the Rarest Personality Type
- What INFJs Do When They Get Stressed Out
- 12 Things INFJs Absolutely Hate
- 12 Things INFJs Absolutely Need to Be Happy
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