Don’t Call Me ‘Boring’ Because I Don’t Like Parties

“Party next at my house next Saturday! I invited everyone!” That was my friend, as excited as can be, letting us know about her birthday celebration. When I heard those words, I imagined the whole scene: drinks, snacks, music, and people talking loudly and laughing as if there were no tomorrow.

The few times that I had attended parties like that (always motivated by the need to prove something), I got dizzy, bored, tired, and irritated. Voices in my head despairingly begged me to get out of there as soon as possible. I hated when that happened. It was a reminder that being me was “wrong” and that my level of fun was practically nil.

This time it had to be different. It took me a whole week to prepare for the party. I did Internet research on different ways to start a conversation. I imagined myself dancing around, talking to strangers, and laughing loudly. I swore I would make myself have fun and be like the rest. I was going to enjoy this freaking event.

Well, I didn’t. Everybody was there, in their element, and I stayed in a corner of the living room watching everyone with my eyes wide open, almost scared.

Later in the night, a friend who always loved to stand out and make me feel like an alien approached me. She pointed out to as many people as possible that I wasn’t enjoying myself. I responded that I was, but I don’t enjoy places with this much noise. Stupid. Why did I say that? She answered: “I do. And when I get older, I want to remember that when I was young I knew how to have fun.”

Her words hurt me so much. I had always thought that I wasn’t good enough. That I was not at the level of the other girls. This “having fun” thing always made me feel inferior. I thought guys would like other girls more than me because they had something I didn’t: they were happy and had fun.

I, on the other hand, was always quiet, and “quiet” seemed to be a synonym for dull. And now, here was this girl with a big smile who was making me feel self-conscious—and enjoying it.

I felt miserable. Again. A failure. I was embarrassed that I had taken my time to look for information on how to act “normal”—as if there was a guide out there on how to genuinely have fun.

It’s Called Introversion

Many years later, I realized that feeling dissatisfied in a crowded room was not a disorder. I learned that I don’t have to love parties in order to be normal. What is normal, after all? To be like the rest? To follow the herd?

When I finally realized I was normal in my own way, I stopped being so hard on myself. I learned that introverts have many things to be grateful for: I don’t have to surrounded myself with many people to have fun; I can spend time by myself and enjoy it; and I can go to those deep places in my heart that are only known by those who take the time to look carefully.

When you accept your introversion, the voice that craves approval says goodbye. You don’t need it anymore.

I understood that I was not “wrong.” I didn’t have a problem—except if I kept choosing activities that didn’t make me feel good.

I can be as fun as any other person, but in a different way. I love Saturday nights at home. Even if someone invites me to the most amazing party, I will thank that person for the invitation, but I will probably decline.

And yes, that’s ok.

I have to watch that I don’t stagnate in my comfort zone. I do attend get-togethers when it’s important for me to go, like events related to work (when it’s necessary for me to be polite) or the special occasion of a dear friend. The difference is now I am more in control of my time. I leave the party when I want to, satisfied that I have fulfilled my purpose. I’m conscious of the fact that I am at the event because I want to be, not because I need to prove anything to myself.

‘Don’t You Get Bored Because You Don’t Go Out?’

When people asked me that question, I used to feel ashamed of being a “boring,” twenty-something who liked staying home. Now, I have an answer for them:

I do go out. I just prefer quieter places. When I’m with my closest friends, I also can be loud and laugh as if there were no tomorrow. But you have to be close to me to witness that.

I don’t get bored—and I am perfectly okay.

Not all people are going to understand you, and it’s perfectly okay if they don’t. The important thing is that you learn to feel good about yourself. Know what works for you. Don’t try to be like others, try to be like you. Listen to yourself and love your preferences, your choices, your ways. You are an introvert, and that’s perfect.

And if I don’t accept most invitations to noisy places, it doesn’t mean I’m arrogant or I don’t like you. It’s not about you. It’s about me. I’m an introvert, that’s it. retina_favicon1

Read this: Just Because I Don’t Look Excited Doesn’t Mean I’m Not Into This


    • kellydyce says:

      A great read, thank you so much for writing this. Everything I just read feels like I’m reading about me 🙂

    • kellydyce says:

      A great read, thank you so much for writing it. 🙂

    • Lermith Biarreta says:

      Reading the forst part feels like you took it out of my (hipotetical) diary, and the rest is just… thank you for existing!

    • Val says:

      I’ve always hated parties and I haven’t been to one for about 25 years. Of course back then I didn’t understand why so I also had that feeling that maybe I just wasn’t any fun. These days if anyone was stupid enough to invite me I’d have the confidence to politely decline and explain that I’d hate to drag the mood down for everyone else. I’d then offer some quality 1-on-1 time where I could make my friend feel like the most important person in the world.

    • Maisy K says:

      Thank you for writing this! Over time I have actually become proud of the idea that I will NEVER be bored – either in company of my choosing (and the associated noise levels) or my own company.

    • I absolutely LOVE this article! Thanks for sharing. Feels great to know there are like-minded people who know themselves enough to define fun on their own terms.

    • This article seems like it took an excerpt from my life.

    • LittleDream says:

      That’s me. Well, mostly, because there’s a part of me that does enjoy a good party from time to time (like, once or twice a year at most but yeah lol). This also has specifications: That I’m going with my friends or it’s a family party. Places where I KNOW people. Otherwise, parties are a NO-NO.
      I also questioned myself a lot a few years back. I was told I was missing my youth, the time of my life to do those things: partying, drinking etc. “Maybe I am” I worried, “Maybe I’ll regret it when I grow older!” and that lead to a couple of parties that I forced myself to go, in which I had no fun and was as uncomfortable as one could be.
      Last spring break my family and I went to visit and aunt and uncle to the beach. I spent the days in a beach chair, confortably reading. One night, going back home, my uncle asked me: “Why don’t you like fun stuff? You don’t go to parties or drink and you were sitting and bored the whole day”. I answered him: “Just because I don’t have fun the way you do, doesn’t mean I wasn’t having fun”
      I have so many of this stories… life as an introvert, I guess

    • Njogu says:

      Wow, what a nice piece. Gracias

    • Ann says:

      I could have written this, it is exactly how I feel. It is kind of wonderful to know that I am not alone in feeling this way!

    • Lynn says:

      That you don’t “know how to have fun” is being bombarded by someone else’s definition. I think that is abuse. I know how to have fun — a good cup of tea and a book, a quiet conversation with my wife, sitting quietly watching the sun come up or go down.
      A party is simply torture — a bunch of people with nothing to say and doing it loudly.
      I too am an introvert who has my own introverted fun.

    • Susannah says:

      Thanks – once again – for helping me understand that I’m now weird just because I’m introvert!

    • M. says:

      Thank you for this. I really needed to hear it. I mean, I’ve heard it before, but I really needed to hear it again. I am not boring – and when I stay home and read or something like that it doesn’t mean I don’t live my life. It’s actually when I do that, that I feel most alive. Or when I’m with one friend and our conversations turn deep and meaningful. That’s where I’m living life to the fullest. I need to remember that – but it tends to blur away in today’s society. Thanks again for reminding me!

    • gen says:

      thanks for sharing. think its important to recognise that we simply just like different things. the thing is there seems to be just more extroverts who like to be ‘out there’ but thats the thing, thats what extroverts do! wow i just got this while typing but, isn’t it obvious that not a lot of introverts would be going out to party because they recognise that going out is just not for them or going to parties often. of course they go to parties, its just that they choose the ones that work for them. they dont force themselves because they recognise that they have boundaries that they are not like extroverts who like to go out more often. introverts just are; their comfort place may be more of the quite type and thats just obvious because we are introverts we like the quite while extroverts just find out going places to be their comfort. Yh i think its just recognising that we simply like or are comfortable with different things we see a lot of extroverts liking parties cuz thats what theyre comfortable with duh – and introverts you dont see them as much at parties because they know its not really something they enjoy that much. i think its really just about recognising our place in a good way like we all know extroverts might dislike so much just reading at home while introverts love that. the thing is extroverts dont force themselves to read at home when they know its not for them. i think the difference between extroverts and introverts is that extroverts are confident and go for what they like whereas introverts dont and are always second guessing themselves i guess this is to do with society looking down on introverts to begin with thus we question ourselves we’ve brought up to believe that introverting is wrong in this society thats why you could say is one of the bigger cause. if we were treated as equally as extroverts and seen as okay then we would just be as confident as extroverts to go after what we want and not force ourselves to go to parties just as extroverts do not force themselves to read books stay at a quite place or whatever. the difference is that they know themselves and are okay with themselves because they’ve been taught that extroverting is alright in society, whereas introverts have been looked down on therefore introverts think there is something wrong with them when in reality its just a fucked up world we live in haha joking its a biased world thats what it is. equality is just non existent in this world – yet. but i think were getting there, hopefully.

    • Michael Plemmons says:

      Wow this so fits me as well. I’m in college and with so many parties going on and my roommates always going to parties, I feel like I’m not normal for not wanting to go party with them on the weekend. Sometimes it’s difficult making friends or making contacts for work experience after college since I don’t do anything socially. That;s one of the drawbacks of an introvert I guess.

    • newbruclass says:

      I am a hardcore introvert myself. Well, actually an Ambivert. But the scale is much, much heavier on the Introvert side so I am still an Introvert and I am proud to be one.
      I’ll be bored? I should hang out with friends more? I should play outside more? No, thank you. I rather stay at home and be in my room. I don’t need to have fun the way other people will have fun.

    • Kerwin Lum says:

      There are extroverts and introverts. One isn’t better than the other. But these two do exist. Society (at least our’s) really favors the former while condemning the latter. I’m an introvert, and we’re often stereotyped as anti-social, narcissistic, and whole lot of other derogatory names. Nothing could be farther from the truth. It’s just that we’re much more selective and cautious as to who we associate with and who we open up to. Not everyone has good intentions. Instead of turning to others for acceptance and emotional security, we acquire this within ourselves. Be proud that you’re an introvert!

      • Emily Sarah says:

        I went to a few parties, I was so bored. People who like parties for the most part have narrow minds and bore me. I just thought college was so adolescent, no one grows up yet and is still immature which annoyed me. I just couldn’t enjoy being around it call me elitist and a snot but I preferred mature people who liked a good time not every damn weekend but certainly once in a while-I just surrounded myself with that and lo the haters sure hated me for that choice-they wanted me of course out every weekend like most everyone else. Basically annoying people who don’t like different people, immature for sure and had a lot of growing up to do.
        Funny thing some of them hate nice people, the very definition of a hater. They pick on more interesting people because haters are dull and like to drink to escape their rotten foul existence.

        I think the majority are at war against introverts- we can’t help it we usually don’t gel too well with extrovert people, especially in phony environments like college.

        I went to college and was so glad to join the real world where you can do whatever the hell you want and not have some asshole extrovert judge you on not enjoying your college experience, they somehow think it’s better just to go to school and not work for a living. News flash working people go to parties too-far more enjoyable to go when you have money and people actually are more mature than college kids who get to check off their laundry lists of must dos including getting an std, a boyfriend who won’t marry them, and the worshipped trifecta of screwing, studying, and sports, and “relationships” that only happen because everyone has to be in a couple.

        Most people don’t even marry anyone they date in college what the hell why do they need to couple up when they don’t want to-why not casually date?! the only reason is because guys want to screw and girls lack the self esteem and brains to see through it. I’m speaking for the majority I’m sure there are exceptions. For all the haters who think you are antisocial remember the hater people are boring and hostile towards truly interesting people.

    • Bronke Luysterman says:

      Thank you so much for this article!! Reading things like this make me feel myself. I have this big open air student ‘festival’ tonight and I’ve been trying to make myself go for weeks. Last year I got so drunk before we went so I could have fun. All my friends love things like this and every time I decline I feel like I’m weird and boring. Because as a student you should go out twice a week? And spend all your money on alcohol right? Sit in 8am lectures with a hangover? I hate that I feel like I should be like that

    • Christina Giaquinto says:

      Love this post! 🙂 So well said

    • Lerato says:

      “Aren’t you bored because you don’t go out,” for me it has always been a matter of, I get bored when I got out. I’ve never been big on parties and whenever I am at one I am pretty sure I stick out like a sore thumb, easily recognisable as the guest among the residents of revelry-loving folks. I’m quick to reach my point of satisfaction. Whenever I do get out the point of arriving and leaving is almost successional I don’t not need to see the whole party to get the point. I enjoy going out I just hate staying when i no longer want to be there.

    • Spicy Ramen says:

      Thank you:) Reading your comment and as well the rest of the comments gave me a great relief that I am not the only one who is feeling this way.