5 Sweet Things INTPs Will Do for You When You’re Dating One

If you’re an INTP personality type, you’re probably reading this with a graciously raised eyebrow that signifies your skepticism.

What could possibly be sweet about INTPs? Aren’t we just wandering mosquito-like souls in search of knowledge and a quiet corner infused with the comforting scent of freshly published books? Well, that too.

When you love an INTP, things will not always make sense. But all the seemingly nonsensical moments you spend together will color your perceptions of love and romance, and here is why:

1. We listen to you.

No, as in, we really listen. By the time you “never mind” yourself out of your rant, we are already way too invested to let go of it. We want your frustrations, we crave your ramblings, and we strive to make sure that we are fully receptive to your feelings, thoughts, and wonders.

Because we lead fascinating lives inside our minds (and may often appear very disconnected from reality as a result), it is only logical that you, too, have an equally fascinating universe that cannot wait to be discovered. And guess what, INTPs are curious, determined, and will not stop until we have gained full access to everything that makes you, you.

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We have a profound longing to connect with you as though we have always known each other and simply forgot. You may occasionally get frustrated at our silence. After all, why are we so strange when it comes to talking back?

Forgive us, for we are so in love, and so transcendentally interested in you, that we find time a treasure too precious to spend away from listening to you.

2. We dream with you.

While INTPs are great at having ideas and starting things, we are not so great at seeing them through. However, and perhaps paradoxically, we are great at pushing others to finish their own projects.

We will get to know your dreams and take them seriously. Your success is our success. But most of all, we truly want to see you fulfilled.

This is not some self-help book methodological approach. By our side, you will find yourself lying on the grass in the middle of the night, airing your challenges and finding no solution to your problems. And we’ll be there, one hand on yours and the other holding a pen that brainstorms a way out of the dead end.

Your dreams will never come to stagnation, because they will become extremely important in our minds. We place a high value on self-actualization, and there’s nothing more selfless than enabling our loved one to explore his or her own potential to the fullest. We guarantee, as an INTP, the audience view is amazing.

3. We give you space.

We’re introverted, so space is a given, right? Not always.

We INTPs long for your presence in ways that we have not yet deciphered. For us to be together needs no plan or outing. We don’t even have to speak to one another.  Your presence, in silence, is pure gold, and enough for a lifetime of after-thoughts. But we understand that you had a life before us, and that this life is yours to live.

Do you want to travel? Or do you have an assignment to complete? Or a family issue? We understand. And we love the fact that your identity remains intact, as we will try our best to preserve it—it’s what compelled us to you.

Khalil Gibran timelessly wrote, “Let there be spaces in our togetherness.” I suspect he must have fallen for an INTP.

Because we respect and admire the being that you are, with your own inner motivations and desires, we will always seek to ensure that your fullness is never met with any limitations. We are cautious, calculating, and we want you to be comfortable. We praise you for being yourself, as we secretly delve into this self that we have come to love.

4. We like your friends.

There is a certain ability that INTPs possess—that of suddenly putting on a sociable hat of sorts. Depending on the gravity of the situation, we can even be mistaken for an extrovert!

With your friends, however, we will find ourselves easily socializing and genuinely laughing at their jokes. This is because we know how important it is for you that we get along with the people that have been by your side.

We respect them, and we thank them for shaping who you are. We thank them for doing the job of knowing you, growing you, and being with you all the times we didn’t have the privilege to witness. And to be around them becomes a window to everything that you are. We look at them and we see different projections of all the different versions of you they know, and we see projections of them on you too.

5. We say “I love you” in your sleep.

Not because saying it otherwise is overrated, but because we are consumed by our insecurities, which often prevent us from declaring our feelings as often as we’d like.

When we’re around you, we jump around potential theories of saying the three words; we compare semantics and hover around ambiguities.

We fear that the act of saying it diminishes the power behind what we wish to translate. We question the appropriateness of verbalizing a feeling that transcends our own limitations.

So we wait for you to fall asleep, or seize the opportunity when you are distracted, because that’s how we feel love should be: swift, ordinary, and beautiful.

All in all, dating an INTP may be confusing and straight out unorthodox. There may be things that, despite our craftily articulated explanations, lack any kind of sense. But it’s okay; because the most amazing thing about love is that it doesn’t need to make sense in order to be true.

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Read this: 5 Reasons I Love Being an INTP Personality Type


    • Very grateful for the INTP post (which may be the first). Totally agree on point 2, I don’t always get my own things done but I am always more than willing to help and push my partner to get his stuff going until it”s finished. Atleast he does the same for me 🙂

    • Ana says:

      They also leave without a word when you show too much emotion for their taste.

      • Tajh says:

        I have a bad habit of doing that. As an INTP we can find emotions illogical. Since I can’t fix how you feel , I’ll leave until you get control of yourself. We don’t do it because we don’t love you. We do it because the excess emotion seems unnecessary and makes us uncomfortable.

    • Wow! I’m an INTP male involved in a serious relationship with an INFJ female (apparently, we’re the/a “golden pair”), and I can relate to some of what you wrote.

      A lot of what is written here is true. I pay such careful attention when I hear her talk about her life, her goals and aspirations. She sometimes doubts them and may think they sound foolish from time to time, but I always find a way to relate them to something (Ne) that demonstrates why it is NOT foolish.

      I must be developing my Fe now that I’m in my 40s, because neither of us are afraid to tell each other “I love you”. In fact, I tell her every time she says or does something that makes me aware of just how much I love her. INTP does not do well with Fi at all, so talking about my feelings and emotions (at length and in detail) is still very hard, but she is amazing at effortlessly making me feel safe enough to even broach the subject.

      I was nervous when I met her friends. We had been spending a lot of time together (unusual for introverts, but, you know…love) and I distinctly remember telling her, “Your friends must hate/dislike me for keeping you away from them so much (Ne). I know how important they are to you, and how important you are to them. I’d like to meet them. They are partly responsible in some ways for you becoming the person that you are today – the person I fell in love with, and in my book, that makes them important to me.”

      It really was insightful reading this and I found myself nodding in agreement throughout.

    • Wrainbeau says:

      I’m an INTP female and I have to agree with almost every point you made. I was raised in an abusive household and due to that volatile environment I believe I had to develop my Fi and Ne quickly in order to make sense of the highly charged emotional atmosphere of my home life. I think had I been allowed to grow up in a less emotionally intense environment the above article would have applied to me more. I have serious trust issues and find it hard to let people near me emotionally however when I do finally let down those walls for someone that’s it..there is nothing they can do or say that will drive me away. Friendship means everything to me. I have two children and the best part of being their mom is watching them explore the world around them my own natural curiosity and child like wonder of the world around me means I can connect with my children on a lot of levels and because of my innate hard wired “I must know” personality I’ve managed to overcome the worst of my own upbringing with therapy, research, and logic. I’m able to apply those hard won lessons to my parenting style and support my children without smothering them or neglecting them.

    • aralan3 says:

      Thank you for the article. I will show it inmediatly to my loving husband (ESFJ). It will help us a lot. 😀
      Please, write more about INTP personality.

    • Happy says:

      #5…truth! It took my INTP husband 18 months to say the words…and only after I made a very pointed remark about how tragic it would be to lose someone over such a pathetic little hangup. (I’m an INTJ who has no problem expressing emotions. To my nearest and dearest. Only. 😉 ) I had known for a long time that he loved me, by his actions, but I wanted to hear the words. We were married six months later. He still seldom says I love you, but he shows me that he does, every single day. And he writes love letters like nobody’s business. I’m going to the Sweet Hereafter with those letters. Y’all are great writers, you INTPs! Thank you for this article. I am always looking for knowledge and insights to keep our relationship strong.

    • Recep says:

      I am in love right now and wish I could express it to her, but I am afraid of her rejection, because she wants to be friends…