As an introvert author and coach, I speak to a lot of introverts who are looking for love. Every introvert I’ve spoken to who has been single for a while has inevitably grappled with this question: Will I be single forever?
They wonder if they are simply not built for a relationship. Or perhaps they’re just not destined to have a partner in this life.
Some have tried for years to find the one, going on date after date and feeling exhausted. Others have emerged from draining relationships, battered and bruised to the point of pure defeat.
I even had one introvert client come to me for the sole purpose of figuring out if he should give up on dating altogether.
I understand the mindset that brings people to this point. As introverts, we face many unique dilemmas in relationships and dating. Here are six of them.
Introvert Dating Struggles
1. We need our space, but we also need love and companionship.
As human beings, introverts need love and connection just like everyone else. But we are also easily drained by socializing, particularly shallow interactions. We’re not like extroverts who can be out mixing and mingling every night with different friends. We thrive on a few close, meaningful relationships.
2. We are difficult for extroverted partners to understand.
Extroverts make a lot of false assumptions about introverts. Often they misinterpret our need for alone time as a sign that we’re angry or depressed. They might also be confused by our slower, more thoughtful way of communicating. These misunderstandings can make it hard to connect meaningfully.
3. Going on dates exhausts us more than it does extroverts.
Let’s face it, dating is draining for introverts. It often involves a lot of small talk and nervousness, both of which can overstimulate our nervous system. The high price we pay in energy drain can make us want to avoid dating altogether.
4. We can be more sensitive to emotional ups and downs.
Emotions, particularly those associated with love and dating, can be downright exhausting — especially if you’re a highly sensitive introvert like me. The emotional ups and downs of dating can be so intense that many introverts would rather just stay single.
5. We take more time to open up and be ourselves.
An introvert’s need to open up slowly is often a disadvantage in our “fast food” dating culture. People are so eager to swipe right to the next match that they barely give introverts time to reveal our many layers.
6. We may have hidden fears and blocks to love.
Beneath all the superficial reasons for staying single, there also lie more elusive reasons: a fear of abandonment, trust issues, feelings of unworthiness.
Even if you’re a self-development junkie like me and you’re aware of all your subconscious “stuff,” you may still not know how to stop the cycle.
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How to Overcome Introvert Dating Challenges
Though we face many unique challenges when it comes to dating, it is possible for introverts to find love and companionship. And it doesn’t have to be overwhelming and draining. Here are three tips to help you overcome your biggest introvert dating struggles:
Get clear on your boundaries surrounding your energy.
How much alone time do you absolutely need to feel at your best during the week and on weekends? When you are actively dating, how many days a week can you realistically go on dates, without burning out?
Once you’re clear on your boundaries, you can implement them without feeling guilty. Give yourself permission to protect your energy, knowing that this will allow you to be at your best when you’re on dates.
Express your needs early, without guilt.
The sooner you can explain that you’re an introvert and what that means, the less room there is for painful misunderstandings.
It can be as simple as saying something like, “I’m an introvert, so sometimes I get drained by socializing and go off into my own world.”
Prioritize connection over busyness.
Just because you’re socializing doesn’t necessarily mean you’re connecting with people on a meaningful level. It’s useless to pack your social calendar for the sole purpose of “putting yourself out there” and staying busy.
A better approach for introverts is to be more intentional when it comes to socializing and dating. Choose activities and environments where there are opportunities for one-on-one conversations. I also recommend learning some meaningful conversation starters, which I share in my Introvert Conversation Cheat Sheet.
Transform Your Love Life on a Deeper Level
Over the past year, I’ve been working with new, groundbreaking tools to shift painful patterns at a deep level. I’m talking about the kind of stories and patterns of heartbreak that have been hanging like a dark cloud over your love life for YEARS.
These advanced methods have been creating rapid shifts in my own life and those of my clients. But I have to be honest. It is impossible to do this work on your own. Whether you lean on the guidance of family, friends, therapists, or online mentors who understand you, support is crucial.
If you’re ready to finally get out of a love rut and create massive shifts in your dating life and relationships, I’d love to be your guide!
I work one-on-one with a very select few introverts like you to help them get unstuck and open up to love. Spaces are limited, so if you’re interested in working with me closely, here’s what to do next:
- Fill out an application for men or for women for a complimentary 45-minute Dating Breakthrough Session.
- Check your inbox for a response to your application within 48 hours.
- During the 30-minute session, we’ll get clear on where you are now and what might be holding you back.
Along the way, I’ll share insights and steps to move forward. It’s a great way to see if we’re a fit for working together.
Introverts… Do you ever struggle to know what to say?
You actually have the ability to become an amazing conversationalist — even if you’re quiet and hate small talk. To learn how, we recommend this wonderful course from our partner Michaela Chung. Check out the Introvert Conversation Genius course today.
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