Feel Like You Never Have Anything to Talk About? Try This
My dad’s best conversation advice was also his strangest — but it was perfect for quiet introverts.
I have a confession to make:
I’ve never read Harry Potter.
I’ve only heard a handful of Taylor Swift songs.
And I’ve never watched a single episode of The Kardashians.
I’ve always been like this. For some reason, the more popular something is, the less I want to partake in it. As a teenager and a 20-something, this tendency of mine hurt my social life, because I never wanted to watch the shows or listen to the music that everyone else was talking about.
As I’ve gotten older, it matters less. I’ve found people who like the same things I like. But I’ve also changed my stubborn ways a little, too, because I’ve seen that there can be value in knowing a little about certain things for one very specific reason: not necessarily because you’re so into them, but because they give you something to talk about.
Yes, you read that right.
I’m talking about purposely going out of your way to learn a little about a new topic, watch a popular movie, or listen to a few new songs — mostly so you can talk about it with other people at work or school.
The Advice I Got From My Introverted Dad
This idea came from my dad.
If you subscribe to my newsletter, you read that we buried his ashes last week. He died suddenly last summer during my cancer treatment, and it was devastating. I’ve written about the PTSD I’m experiencing from some very difficult events, including my dad’s death, and about why mental health really matters for introverts.
But when I finally stopped crying, I took some time to think about who my dad was.
My dad, Steve Granneman, was your classic introvert. He was the kind of person who would drive hours to attend a family party just to sit quietly at a table.
As a kid, most of my memories with my dad are just being in the same room together. Hanging out. No small talk. Just existing.
It was nice.
When I started writing a book about how introverted, shy, and socially anxious people can know exactly what to say in conversation and be less drained, my dad read my initial material.
“I wish I’d read something like this when I was younger,” he said.
Why He Watched Football Anyway
One time, when I was a teenager, I noticed something odd about my dad. He always put on the football game, even though he was a book-smart chemist and history buff who never cared for sports.
I asked him why he watched it if he wasn’t that into it.
“It gives me something to talk about at work tomorrow,” he said simply.
At the time, I thought this was ridiculous, time-wasting advice. Why would he watch a dumb football game just so he could make frivolous chatter in the lab tomorrow?
But now, as an adult who is often forced into situations where I have to make “frivolous” chatter, I see what he meant. And now I realize just how smart my dad was to do this.
Learn a Little on Purpose
Maybe, like my dad, you’re someone who feels like you never have anything to talk about. Maybe, like me, you’re someone who has always shunned what was “popular” and “mainstream” just because.
That’s where it can help to purposely read or learn or watch or experience something new. It gives you something to talk about. It doesn’t necessarily have to be listening to Taylor Swift’s entire new album — but maybe you listen to a song or two just to see what all the buzz is about.
Or maybe it’s any movie, book, show, article, or experience that is out of the norm for you — with the idea that you will share your thoughts and opinions on it with others.
You Don’t Have to Change Who You Are
With that said, please remember: You don’t have to change who you are to get better at making conversation.
Don’t change if it goes against your deepest values and beliefs. Sometimes, it makes sense to go with the flow on things that don’t really matter to you and don’t take much effort. But there will always be parts of the social world that just don’t fit you, no matter how practical it might seem.
Like my dad, you might track just enough sports to chat about it. Or you might decide it’s not worth your time and skip it — even if it means dealing with a few awkward moments.
How to Bring It Up Without Sounding Like a Robot
Okay, let’s say you went out of your way to read an article about black holes so you’d have something interesting to talk about.
How do you bring it up without giving a lecture or dumping random facts into the conversation? How do you turn it into an emotional connection with the other person?
That’s where the “Share-Then-Ask” strategy comes in.
Instead of awkwardly dropping a random fact into the conversation, use a simple bridge that invites the other person in.
The formula:
“I just [read/watched/listened to] something crazy about [topic]… It made me realize [personal take/connection]… What do you think about that?”
Sharing your personal takeaway shows you are really thinking about the material, not just repeating it like a textbook.
The “Share-Then-Ask” Strategy
Here is the strategy in practice, step by step:
1. State the interesting information concisely.
Focus on the emotional or surprising element rather than clinical facts.
Example: “I was reading an article about black holes, and apparently time can actually move differently near them because gravity is so intense.”
2. Make the connection.
Explain your personal reaction, a real-world connection, or how it shifted your perspective. This prevents you from sounding like a textbook.
Example: “It made me realize how strange it is that we walk around acting like time is this simple, fixed thing, when apparently the universe is much weirder than that. It kind of made my daily schedule feel very small.”
3. Hand it off.
Pass the conversational baton using an open-ended question that prompts their opinion, similar experiences, or worldview.
Example: “Do you ever think about space stuff like that, or does it just make your brain hurt?”
Here are some more tips:
Keep the “share” under a minute. This is a bridge, not a lecture. Keep your setup brief so the other person doesn’t lose interest.
Avoid “book report” questions. Don’t ask testing questions like, “Have you seen that show?” Instead, ask theme-based questions, such as, “Do you think you would have made the same choice in that situation?” or “Have you ever been in a situation like that?”
Validate their response. When they talk, don’t just wait for your turn to speak. Validate their response before moving on to another topic.
For example, if they say, “Honestly, space stuff makes me feel kind of anxious,” you might say, “I get that. It’s interesting, but it can also make everything feel a little too big. I think that’s why I can only read about it in small doses.”
That’s what makes the conversation a connection instead of a performance.
You Can Be Quiet and Loved
I imagine my dad, who I miss deeply, saying something like this at the lab on a Monday.
He probably stayed quiet most of the day as he mixed veterinary medicines. But I bet there was a moment when he lit up, just a little.
“Did you watch the game last night?” he’d say. “I can’t believe…”
Although he was a quiet introvert, so many people came to his funeral. Several of them pulled me aside to tell me stories about funny things they had done as kids, or stories that revealed a side of my dad I had never experienced myself.
That’s something I’ll never forget.
You can be quiet and still be deeply loved by many people.
Those are not opposites.
Are you an introvert who never knows what to say in social situations? I’ve been there too. That’s why I created Confident Introvert Scripts. These are 150+ ready-to-use phrases for alone time, boundaries, protecting your energy, socializing, and more. I developed the guide with feedback from therapists and fellow introverts to make sure it truly helps.
Introvert, Dear readers can take 40% off using the code CONFIDENCE at checkout.
