What to Say When You Feel Like You Have Nothing to Talk About
Introverts often do well when there’s a clear goal, like explaining a technical concept to a teammate. But small talk can be tricky.
This article is adapted from my upcoming book. Click here to be the first to know when it’s released — and to get two free gifts that will help you start feeling more comfortable in conversations right away.
As an introvert, do you ever feel like you have nothing to talk about?
Maybe you start a conversation, only to run out of things to say. Or maybe you freeze up before you even begin. You long to connect with people — but your mind goes blank when it’s your turn to talk.
You’re not alone. In my work as an author and advocate for introverts, I’ve found that this is something many introverts struggle with. And it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.
In fact, you might do really well in conversations where there’s a clear topic or goal, like explaining a technical concept to a teammate. But when the conversation is more unstructured, like making small talk at a party, things get tricky.
You might even start to believe you don’t have anything interesting to say — that your life is too boring and nobody wants to hear from you. So you stay quiet, even when you wish you could connect with the people around you.
This happened to me a lot. In college, I spent many lonely nights alone in my dorm room because I didn’t know how to start a conversation with the people around me. Don’t get me wrong — I liked spending time alone; I’m an introvert. But I still wanted a few close friends. Sometimes I wished I had someone to sit with in the cafeteria or hang out with after class. But it felt like everyone else knew how to make friends, and I had missed the memo.
The Extrovert Ideal
The truth is, our society often rewards people who are loud, quick, and confident. Susan Cain, author of Quiet, calls this the “extrovert ideal.” It’s the idea that being bold, talkative, and highly social is the standard we should all live up to. Extroverts are seen as more interesting, more valuable, more… everything.
Meanwhile, quiet people are often overlooked. They’re told — sometimes directly, sometimes subtly — that they should speak up more, be more outgoing, or just “put themselves out there.” It sends the message that introverts need to change who they are in order to fit in or succeed.
But if you’re an introvert, you know that being quiet doesn’t mean you have nothing to say. You probably have plenty of thoughts tumbling through your head at any moment, but they might struggle to reach your mouth. And being an introvert certainly doesn’t mean you have no value. Many of the world’s greatest thinkers, artists, and leaders have been introverts, like Albert Einstein, Rosa Parks, Audrey Hepburn, and Abraham Lincoln.
You Bring Value to Every Conversation
As I explain in my upcoming book, introverts often put themselves in a position of lower status compared to other people. Without realizing it, they might believe deep down that their thoughts, needs, and desires don’t matter as much as other people’s. They may even feel like they don’t deserve to take up space in a conversation, share their thoughts, or take up other people’s time by talking about themselves.
If you’re an introvert who feels like you have nothing to talk about, I want you to start shifting how you see yourself. You bring value to every conversation, even if you’re shy, introverted, or socially anxious. You have unique thoughts, an interesting perspective, and powerful stories worth sharing. Your words matter — not because they’re loud or flashy, but because they come from you.
So how do you find the words when you feel like you have nothing to say?
Let’s start here: You don’t need a perfect story or the “right” thing to talk about. You just need to notice the little things happening in your everyday life and be willing to share them.
Everyday Moments Matter More Than You Think
Even if most of your time is spent on one activity — like work or a certain hobby — you still notice interesting things throughout your day. Those things might seem boring to you, but they can make great conversation topics.
For example, maybe your dog did something funny this morning. Maybe you read a strange news headline, or watched a new show you can’t stop thinking about.
These small, everyday moments are what people connect with. They give others a peek into your inner world.
In other words, the pressure to be “interesting” is overrated. Most people don’t want a perfect conversation partner — they just want someone real.
People Want to Know What’s Going On With You
Here’s a secret: Most people in your life enjoy hearing your everyday thoughts, funny moments, and random observations. It gives them context to connect with you.
Remember, people can only see what you choose to show them. You might have deep thoughts, heartfelt feelings, and powerful insights — but no one will know they’re there unless you give them a glimpse.
If you keep everything inside, they might assume you’re not interested in talking or being friends. If you share just a little bit about yourself — even something simple — they’re more likely to open up, too.
So next time you’re wondering what to say, try asking yourself:
- What’s been going on in my life lately? Maybe you tried a new recipe, went for a walk somewhere interesting, or had a weird dream.
- What are my hobbies or passions? Do you love video games, books, puzzles, gardening, photography, crafting, or cooking? People enjoy hearing what lights you up, especially when you talk about it with genuine interest.
- What’s something funny or strange that’s happened to me recently? Awkward or funny moments are great conversation starters, especially if you can laugh at yourself a little.
- What’s something interesting about where I live? Is there a hidden gem in your town — a cozy café, a quiet park, a quirky local tradition? People are often curious about places they haven’t been.
- What’s something I’ve read, watched, or heard recently? A podcast episode, a news story, a TikTok that made you laugh, a show you’ve been bingeing… these are all easy ways to keep a conversation going.
- What’s something I’m looking forward to? This could be an upcoming trip, a weekend plan, or even just a cozy night in.
- What’s something I’ve been thinking about lately? Maybe it’s a question that popped into your head, a new idea you’ve been turning over, or something that’s made you curious.
As I share in my book, think of this as your conversation cheat sheet — topics you feel comfortable talking about. Of course, you don’t need to prepare a script or rehearse your lines. But having a few of these ideas in the back of your mind can help when the conversation starts to stall.
You Don’t Need to Say a Lot to Make a Connection
As an introvert, you don’t need to dominate the conversation. You can say just a few thoughtful things and still leave someone feeling connected to you.
The more you practice noticing the little things and talking about them, the easier it becomes. You’ll build confidence, and these small openings can lead to the deeper, more meaningful conversations that introverts often crave.
In my book, I share more tools to help you feel at ease in social situations, have more energy, and know exactly what to say. Sign up here to be the first to hear when it’s released. You’ll also get two free guides to help you start feeling more comfortable in conversations right away.
