A Letter to INFJs About Embracing Your Personality, Flaws and All

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To my dear fellow INFJs:

A huge part of personal growth is coming to terms with how you naturally function and embracing your true self. What may seem like a flaw can actually be a useful tool when it is nurtured properly. As INFJs, what are some of our unique abilities, and how can we learn to embrace them?

INFJs can be perfectionists.

One adjective that stands out amongst all of the adjectives to describe an INFJ is “perfectionist.” Yes, I am a perfectionist. Now, I am not a perfectionist about everything, but I do have unique situations when the perfectionist part of me comes out. For instance, I feel like I cannot function in the morning if I do not make my bed. Who cares if the bed is made? I do.

Some people may double check their work, but I will triple check it. It can get a little ridiculous, and it can strain my eyesight, but I cannot help it.

With that said, INFJs can be pretty relaxed about most things, because we love observing other peoples’ behavior, but we do have our moments of correcting and situating things to be “just right.”

We have high standards for ourselves and others.

While we expect much from others, we also expect a lot from ourselves. I am my own worst critic. I strive to be and do more every day. This is not to say I think I am not enough, but I like to push myself to be better. Can any other INFJs relate to this?

I have been told that I “expect too much” from people, which is the truth. Hello, INFJs are idealists—we want the ideal. But we are also realists (in some magical way we can be both), so we are aware that our expectations are high. We get it.

Relationships can be tough for us as well, because we have the ideal relationship already built up in our head. We know what we want. However, our realistic sensibility allows us to love people exactly as they are—flaws and all.

Our intuitive abilities are unexplainable.

Introverted intuition is our dominant function, and you will hear the INFJ say, “I don’t know how I know… I just do.”


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We are highly in tune with our feelings and go with what our gut tells us. This can lead to some stubbornness if others try to persuade or suggest things that do not align with our inner value system. I am told I often shut down others’ ideas when I had no intention of doing so. I get stuck on one idea, because it’s what feels right to me, but I have learned to let go a little and let other people share their insight with me.

Trust me, my INFJ friend, we don’t actually know everything.

We value our privacy.

INFJs are typically difficult to get to know on a deeper level, not because we won’t go there, but because we won’t go there with just anybody. It takes a long time for us to trust someone fully.

We make the people close to us our top priority and cherish our time with them so greatly that we do not feel the need to share it with everyone else. And sometimes we need things just for us to keep.

With that said, we can come across as aloof or standoffish to others. We are highly protective of our inner world, and it takes the Jaws of Life to take our guard down. When we do finally open up, it’s because we have found someone who speaks to our sensitive souls.

Sometimes we slam the door.

The worst part of opening up so rarely is that whenever someone hurts us too much, we tend to shut them out of our lives. This is often referred to as the “INFJ Door Slam.” I have done it myself on a couple of occasions.

To people who may not know us well, we seem incredibly callous and cruel to shut someone off from us in what seems like a short amount of time. The truth is, we are capable of forgiving, but when we are pushed to a certain point of pain, we shut off. We shut down. We can’t do it anymore.

It takes a long time for us to bounce back from that pain. My suggestion to any INFJs that find themselves in this situation is take your time, but at some point, you must forgive.

We’re wanderers who live inside our heads.

This is why it is difficult for us to verbalize all the things we think about because our thoughts live in an abstract setting. Socializing in large groups can be a bit difficult for us, because we have no interest in capturing everyone’s attention. We want one-on-one time, and we want it to be quality time.

Although we love people and getting to know them, we also drift away for a while. I often joke that I am a wanderer. Whether I am wandering around in my mind or in the physical world, I have no problem going off on my own.

INFJs are lone wolves. Like all introverts, we hide away for periods of time, but do not be alarmed. When we love you, we always come back.

INFJs are mysterious people. We are mysteries even to ourselves most of the time. The best thing we can do is to accept this about ourselves.

Embrace every aspect of who you are. You are rare and special, and there are people who will cherish you—let one of those people be you.

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Read this: 10 Type Secrets of the INFJ Personality Type


Amelia Brown is a twenty-something free spirited type who enjoys writing, reading, and interacting with animals. She feels she cannot be a complete human without a cup of coffee in the morning. She is constantly seeking sources of inspiration and her biggest wish is to inspire someone else. She is a contributing writer for Introvert, Dear.