How Introverted Musicians Can Find Their People
When you’re an introvert, playing music can be an empowering way to express yourself — no words required.
So you’ve recently gotten into (or back into!) playing music. And music, as we all know, is best enjoyed together. Naturally, your next step is to meet up with some like-minded musicians and have fun making noise together.
The only problem: As an introvert, the idea of not only networking but also sharing your talents, baring your soul, and being creative in front of strangers can be intimidating.
I was in the same boat a few years ago. After playing bass nearly every day for over a decade — including a brief stint at music school — I took a multi-year hiatus to focus on growing my public relations career. Although I played much less during that time, my musical pilot light never went out. As I got the rest of my life sorted out, I could feel that flame burning brighter and brighter… until eventually, my musical drive reignited.
I knew I had to share my passion and talent with others. I also knew it wouldn’t be easy for me. (Believe it or not, there are plenty of introverted musical artists out there — including Bob Dylan, Taylor Swift… and me!)
Here are a few steps I took to put myself back out there musically.
How to Make Connections as an Introverted Musician
1. Go with what you know, like your favorite songs or musical artists.
When I got back into playing, I wanted so badly to make music for fun that I took the uncomfortable step of meeting up with a group of random people from the internet. (I know!)
I replied to a listing from a group looking for a bass player, and after a few messages back and forth, we scheduled a jam session.
Heading into that first musical “blind date,” I made myself more comfortable by suggesting we play material I knew really well. (This is the sweet spot for us introverts — the more passionate we are about something, the easier it is to talk about or engage with.)
In my case, that meant throwing it back to my high school days and reacquainting myself with the Red Hot Chili Peppers. The bass lines are a blast to play, and I’d internalized much of their repertoire years ago. That familiarity let my brain go on autopilot — which meant one less thing draining my energy during the jam.
Even though the Chili Peppers were no longer one of my favorite bands, their music was a safety net I felt comfortable falling back on. And it worked!
The people I met turned out to be great musicians — and even greater people. While we only played together for a few months, the experience did wonders for my confidence and reignited my passion for playing after years of it being dormant.
2. Connect with other eager musicians through courses.
During my online search for like-minded musicians to play with, I stumbled upon a jazz course for adults that seemed perfectly tailored to my interests. After studying (and then un-studying) jazz in college, I wanted to give it a fair shot — this time when I was truly interested in learning and open to making mistakes.
The students’ musical experience ranged from beginner to intermediate, but we all shared a common goal: to try something new, build our skills, and meet other musicians. The course helped me gain confidence — but more importantly, it allowed me to connect with people I still regularly play with, even years later.
If I hadn’t taken that uncomfortable step and joined a course with a bunch of strangers, I wouldn’t have the friends and bandmates I have today.
3. Private lessons help build comfort and connections.
If you don’t yet feel confident jamming with strangers — or if you just want to improve your playing — private lessons are a great place to start. With thoughtful, personalized instruction, a good teacher can help you build the skills you need to feel more at ease heading into your first collaboration. They might even be able to connect you with other students who share your musical tastes and experience level.
And the best part? If you make mistakes, there’s only one other person who will hear them. Better yet — they’ll be glad you made them!
Chances are, your teacher has been in the exact same spot you’re in now. It’s so valuable to connect with people who’ve faced similar challenges and learn how they worked through them.
4. Go to local jam sessions.
This one can sound intimidating — but keep in mind, just because you attend a jam doesn’t mean you have to play. If you’re still feeling nervous or underprepared, you can simply show up, listen, and learn. It’s an easy way to meet other musicians (who are mostly there to have fun) and start making connections.
I had never gone to an open jam until a few years ago. I was timid going into it, but I ended up meeting some great local musicians — and even landed a few gigs from it. By preparing a few tunes (in this case, jazz standards I’d known for a while — not quite the Red Hot Chili Peppers!) and staying open to what others wanted to play, it turned out to be a small investment with a big musical reward.
It might take a little digging to find a local jam session in your area, but chances are there are more out there than you think.
5. Pace yourself and ease into it.
I know I’ve shared a lot of tips here, but I want to emphasize the importance of taking things slow. While it might be tempting to dive in headfirst — signing up for lessons, enrolling in a course, and attending a jam session all at once — that approach is usually unsustainable and impractical.
As introverts, we need to be intentional about how we spend our social energy and make sure we leave time to recharge. Maybe for you, a weekly private lesson is the right starting point. Over time, you might feel ready to prepare for — and eventually attend — an open jam. The goal isn’t to launch yourself out of your comfort zone, but to gently stretch it.
Ultimately, you know yourself best. Trust your instincts, and only pursue the opportunities that feel meaningful and rewarding to you.
Playing Music Can Be an Empowering Way to Express Yourself
I know it can feel uncomfortable, intimidating, and even downright scary to think about playing music with others. But trust me — it’s a worthwhile experience that can bring you a lot of joy.
Performing can be an empowering way to express yourself, build confidence, and, most importantly, have fun. And here’s the good news: In the musical settings I’ve shared above, people are usually kind, encouraging, and just as eager to connect as you are.
And remember — if you jam with someone and it doesn’t feel like the right fit, that’s okay. You can be proud of yourself for taking the leap… and then move on to the next opportunity.
There are billions of people out there with different interests and musical styles. Somewhere among them are the ones who share your taste, enjoy your playing, and are meant to make music with you. You just need to start looking. 
