19 Confessions of an INFJ, the Rarest Personality Type

IntrovertDear.com confessions of an INFJ personality type

I’m an INFJ, the rarest of the 16 Myers-Briggs personality types. Here are some far-too-honest facts about me that I think other INFJs will relate to, at least on some level.

(What’s your personality type? Take a free personality assessment.)

Confessions of an INFJ Personality Type

1. I want to be left alone most of the time. 

I love my friends and family. I really do. Without them, my life would lack the meaning I so desperately crave. But if I’m being honest, most of the time, I just want to be left alone. Left alone to read, write, watch my favorite shows, or just sit and stare vacantly while my mind wanders. When it comes to “people” time, I want quality, not quantity.

2. I used to think I had psychic abilities or supernatural powers.

At one point in my childhood, even my dad started to wonder. He gave me a test using playing cards; I was supposed to guess which card he was holding (I didn’t do spectacularly). Even as an adult, I occasionally still get strong, unexplainable feelings out of nowhere that some future event is going to happen. But I don’t think I’m actually psychic. As an INFJ, I think I’m just really good at noticing little things about other people (things they might not even consciously be aware of themselves) and recognizing patterns. I’m not always right, but I’m accurate enough for it to be eerie.

3. I don’t understand how some people can be so oblivious to other people.

I notice way too much about other people, like a look in their eyes or the way they take just a beat longer than expected to respond. I’m not always 100 percent accurate in my interpretations of their behavior, but at the very least, I’m hyper-aware of what the people around me are doing. I don’t understand how some people can’t read other people well. To me, reading people is as easy as reading a book. Sometimes I get frustrated when the people closest to me seem oblivious to me, when I’ve been so attentive to them.

4. I rarely find the soul-deep connections that I yearn for. 

But when I do, it’s magical. I’ve had movie-like moments where time slowed down and everything in my life seemed to lead up to this.

5. I’ve gotten far too attached far too quickly.

It’s embarrassing. But when #4 happens, I find myself imagining a life with this other person, even if I don’t know their last name.

6. My constant need to improve my life sometimes feels like a curse.

INFJs are perfectionists. As a result, my life is a continual self-improvement project. I’m never satisfied or stagnant. As soon as I reach a new level, I’m already thinking about the next one. The upside is, over the years, I’ve changed my life dramatically for the better. But my constant need for improvement can be exhausting. Sometimes I wish I could be content with the status quo. It would be easier.

7. Sometimes I have a hard time telling if I want to do something because I want to do it, or because someone else wants to.

Sometimes I have no idea where I begin and other people end. Other people’s feelings easily rub off on me, and suddenly I’m renting a house that I don’t actually like, all because my roommate got so excited about it that I temporarily got excited, too.

8. Most people don’t know just how deeply emotional I am because I hide the majority of my feelings.

Even the people closest to me, like my partner and my best friend, don’t know the extent of the chaos within me. I often just don’t have the words to explain, or it feels like too much work to try.

9. I’m bad at setting boundaries.

But I’m getting better. I’m learning to push back, say no, and see my needs as valid, too.

10. If you criticize me, I will stew over it for way too long.

Bosses will tell me five good things about my work and one bad thing. The one bad thing sticks with me, and I find myself thinking about it five years later as I’m falling asleep.

11. I get so easily caught up in my head that I miss things in the real world. 

Yesterday, I went through a Starbucks drive-thru. I was thinking about a novel I’d like to write. Suddenly, I was at the pick-up window, in a long line of cars, and I hadn’t ordered a thing. I missed the ordering window because I was daydreaming. Happens all the time.

12. I’m generally seen as nice and friendly, but sometimes I can’t believe how coldly calculating I am on the inside.

And that scares me.

13. So many of my thoughts I will never be able to tell anyone.

My mind goes to strange places quickly. Sometimes it goes to dark places. One minute, I’m waiting at a stoplight thinking about how much of my life has been wasted waiting at stoplights. The next minute, I’m thinking about how our human lives are so short, and how eventually I, along with everyone I know, will become a speck of dust, and everything I’ve ever done — like waiting at this stoplight — will no longer matter.

14. I lust after beauty.

I love beautiful things. Beautiful surroundings, beautiful artwork, beautiful clothes. I tell myself not to be so materialistic and that these things shouldn’t matter, but I can’t help but want to possess them. Beauty does wonders for my soul.

15. When an animal dies in a movie, I hate it more than when a human character dies. 

In The Shape of Water, I could barely stand it when the cat gets eaten.

16. When my plans change suddenly, it takes a ridiculous amount of time for my brain to adjust.

My yoga class was canceled this morning because of a snow storm, and I’m still not over it.

17. My first instinct is to give people the person they need me to be, regardless of whether I’m acting authentically.

It’s so easy to do when you’re hyper-aware of other people and easily see what they need.

18. I’ve always been fascinated by people, but I’m bad at “peopling.”

When I was a child, I kept a journal where, among other things, I recorded and analyzed what the people in my life were doing — the neighbor boy, my friends, my crush. But as a quiet, shy person, I often felt like I was on the outside of it all, never truly breaking into their world.

19. I really do want to change the world.

I know, this is something cheesy you would write in a middle-school essay. But as an INFJ, my urge to help other people and make the world a better place is strong. I see everything connected to everything else. I feel at my best and most purposeful when I’m being of service to others. 

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Read this: 12 Things INFJs Absolutely Need to Be Happy

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Jenn Granneman is the founder of IntrovertDear.com and the author of The Secret Lives of Introverts: Inside Our Hidden World. She also cohosts The Introvert, Dear Podcast and blogs for Psychology Today. For most of her life, Jenn felt weird, different, and out of place because of her quiet ways. She writes about introversion because she doesn’t want other introverts to feel the way she did.