How Introverts Can Make Friends With Other Introverts

Two introverts meditating in the park

When you befriend another introvert, you don’t have to act like an extrovert to be accepted for who you are.

Opposites may attract, but birds of the same feather can still flock together! Such is the case when an introvert forms a good friendship with another introvert.

When I was still in school, I found great comfort in the company of other introverts. I may not have had a large circle of friends, but I had found a few whose friendships were priceless. I also found it easier to carry on a conversation, and I never had to worry about declining invitations to social gatherings.

In essence, I knew I didn’t have to be someone else just to be accepted. I was appreciated for who I was — and I couldn’t be more grateful for that.

When you’re with extroverted friends, if they don’t “get” you, you may need to explain a lot about yourself. You may have to tell them what makes you tick and what exhausts you. You may also need to set very clear boundaries — like your preference to do introvert-friendly activities or take some alone-time breaks — all without offending them or making it look like you don’t appreciate their company.

But if you’re friends with other introverts, you’ll finally have people around you who can relate to your joys and challenges — most likely, they will just “get” you, no explanations necessary. Whenever you feel your social battery is being drained, you can simply take a breather, and they should understand that you just need some downtime.

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The Search for an Introverted Friend

As great as it is to hang out with other introverts, making friends can be hard, especially as an adult. Here is what the famous author C.S. Lewis said about friendship:

“Friendship arises…when two or more of the companions discover that they have in common some insight or interest or even taste which the others do not share and which, till that moment, each believed to be his own unique treasure (or burden). The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, ‘What? You too? I thought I was the only one.’”

When an introvert finds another person like them, that is the moment when a priceless bond between two people is formed. You may think: “At last, I can finally be understood! I can be myself and not be all alone.”

I truly believe that an introvert can be the best friend you will ever have… but how do you find one? Unlike extroverts, introverts may not be flocking to places where you can easily find extroverts, like social gatherings or crowded events. So here are some ideas.

6 Ways Introverts Can Make Friends With Other Introverts

1. Remember your friends from school.

There’s nothing like reigniting the bond of an old friendship. Even if that person was only an acquaintance, you may now have the chance to be friends with a former classmate who is also an introvert.

Can you think of that person in class who seemed shy or soft-spoken? The one without a large group of friends? The one you’d study with, or have deep conversations with?

Well, reach out to them!

2. Think about the people you work with.

If thinking about your former schoolmates is hard, start to scan your current workplace. Is there someone who keeps to themselves and doesn’t socialize as much as your other office mates? During your work meetings, is there a person who may seem reserved, but speaks their mind when asked? Or someone who stays in for lunch instead of going out with everyone else?

This may be your chance to form a new friendship with a fellow introvert. Not only would you find a buddy to hang out with, but you might also find a reliable ally in your company.

3. Find a hobby you enjoy as an introvert.

What are the hobbies you enjoy as an introvert? Do you have fun doing various crafts? Do you draw, paint, or play music in your spare time? Or maybe you do yoga or meditate?

While you may have usually spent those hours recharging your energy, how would you feel if you could occasionally spend the time with a fellow introvert? 

You may not even have to talk much. You could silently do your own thing while having the comfort of having a friend by your side.

Do you ever struggle to know what to say?

As an introvert, you actually have the ability to be an amazing conversationalist — even if you’re quiet and hate small talk. To learn how, we recommend this online course from our partner Michaela Chung. Click here to check out the Introvert Conversation Genius course.

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4. Think about other possible common interests.

If you have been too busy to have a hobby, maybe it’s time you could start one. How about attending workshops or seminars that could equip you with a new skill? You may even want to learn a new sport. There are plenty of reasons to take up a new, random hobby — and making a new introvert friend is just one of them.

It may not even be about learning something new. It could be engaging in a new activity that could widen your perspective or make you feel more fulfilled in life.

Do you enjoy reading books? Maybe a book club could get you in touch with people who could share your perspective about the books you’re reading. These are the kind of people who may not wear you out with small talk. They would get straight to the topic at hand and offer their deeper insights into life.

5. Search online for friends, whether it’s through social media or networking sites.

You may not even need to go very far in search of an introverted friend. Via your social media accounts, you could start finding people who have similar interests to you by looking up various hashtags or groups. You could also look for online groups that discuss those topics that are close to your heart or ones with introvert-friendly activities. (Meetup is a great resource!)

Just be careful when it comes to dealing with people online. It may be better if you could meet a person face-to-face (or even through a video chat) before you engage in conversations that get too personal.

6. Have the courage to make the first move.

I know from experience how hard it is to make the first move in getting to know another person. We introverts are not fans of small talk. Besides, what would we even talk about initially?

But sometimes you may find yourself wanting to make a move for the sake of a possible friend for life. Maybe you see someone who looks approachable at a bookstore or coffee shop. You can even prepare yourself for some small talk (at least to break the ice!). Don’t worry, though — because if you are making friends with a fellow introvert, the small talk won’t last too long.

Plus, you can try to make the conversation start out as naturally as possible, like asking the person for a book or coffee recommendation. That way, you two can speak organically and the conversation topics can flow from there.

How to Begin, and Maintain, Your New Friendship

Once you make your new introverted friend, here are some things to keep in mind.

  • Take it slow. Have the patience you need to let your new friendship blossom in its own time. Don’t rush it. Slow is good when it comes to getting to know a fellow introvert. You know how you sometimes feel uncomfortable when people constantly make demands for your time or attention? Keep this in mind with your new friend.
  • Remember that everyone is unique.  Don’t forget that even though you’re getting to know another introvert, people are still different. While you may have some similarities with your new friend, you’ll also discover how different the two of you are — and that’s also a gift. Make an effort to get to know your new friend well and appreciate their unique traits.
  • Spend time together in an introvert-friendly setting. When you first get to know a new person, choose a setting that’s comfortable for you both. It could be a cozy, introvert-friendly coffee shop where you can enjoy your coffee and dessert in between times of silence and thinking about what to say next.

Introverts are not known for having a million friends, but they are good at maintaining a few close friends who they’ll cherish for life. If you befriend another introvert, you definitely won’t regret it!

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