Why Is It Hard for Introverts to Share a Home With Others?

It means there are times when we introverts physically cannot get away from all the noise and stimulation — and that’s a terrifying prospect.

I’m going to be completely honest. I’ve always had a tough time living with other people. Even people who I really like. Whether it’s a roommate, a significant other, or my family, there always comes a point when I’m holed up in my bedroom, desperate for some solitude. Some days, all I want is an empty house and no interruptions.

As an introvert, I don’t think I’m alone in this feeling.

Here’s why it can be hard for introverts to live with other people, plus I’ll share with you three things that I’ve learned to make it easier for everyone involved.

Why Sharing a Home Can Be Challenging for Introverts

Let’s be real, sharing a home can be tough for anyone, whether you’re an introvert or extrovert. We all have our own definition of “clean,” plus our own sleep habits, weekend goals, needs, and preferences. However, for us introverts, who are naturally private and need plenty of alone time, sharing a home can be even more challenging. Let me explain.

After a long day of work or school, or after running multiple errands, introverts need alone time to come back to life. Interactions with coworkers, classmates, and the general public drain our energy and often leave us completely wiped out. Perhaps this is why many of us tend to be extremely territorial — we find house guests intrusive and dislike yielding our intimate spaces to others for more than a few hours at a time.

Plus, an introvert’s brain processes every little thing so deeply that interacting with others can be utterly exhausting (this fact especially applies to highly sensitive introverts). It’s imperative that we have quiet time to retreat into our inner world and think things through, free of interruptions. This solitude allows us to re-energize and bounce back, giving us the get-up-and-go we need to spend quality time with our friends and family again.

If we don’t get this precious time alone, things can deteriorate quickly. If pushed to be outgoing for too long, we may become irritable, emotional, anxious, or even depressed.

Introvert hangover, anyone?

So, it’s not that we introverts are recluses, hermits, or “anti-social.” It’s just that most human interactions drain our energy. When we share our home with other people, it means there are times when we physically cannot get away from all the noise and stimulation — and that’s a terrifying prospect. For many introverts, the constant company can be completely overwhelming, even if we enjoy having those people in our lives.

So what’s an introvert to do?

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3 Ways to Make Sharing a Home Easier

1. Create a space of your own.

Every introvert needs a refuge, a place to escape to when the noise and pressure of the world become too much. If you live alone, your home is a refuge in and of itself. However, if you live with family, a partner, or roommates, you’ll have to work a little harder to find a secluded spot to call your own.

Your bedroom will be the most obvious choice, but an unused attic or basement will work as well. Your hidey hole/retreat/stronghold should be comfortable. Make sure there’s somewhere cozy to sit, like a bed, couch, or chair. Multiple pillows and blankets are other must-haves. Practice a little hygge, and stock your space with candles, thick socks, and an electric kettle for tea during the cooler months.

You’ll also want your haven to have everything you need to keep your mind happily engaged — things like personal electronics, books, journals, art supplies, or anything you need for your hobbies. Snacks won’t hurt, either. Simply put, your solo-time hideaway should be a self-contained space you can disappear to whenever you most need it.

Here are some more tips from an interior designer to create your own introvert bedroom sanctuary.

Of course, if you sleep with your partner, you’ll have to learn how to share a bed and your bedroom in a way that works best for both of you. This will most likely include laying out a few rules and guidelines, and more than a little compromise.

Speaking of communication…

2. Communicate your needs.

No matter your relationship to the other people in your home, you’ll need to communicate why you need time alone — that is, why it’s beneficial for both you and your relationship with them. This is an absolute necessity if you’re in a romantic relationship, as your partner may misconstrue your need for solo time as a sign they’ve done something to upset you.

It’s also important to note that it may bear repeating a few times, especially if your housemates are extroverts. Feel free to share articles and books about introversion with your loved ones so they can get a better handle on who you are and why you excel when you’ve had plenty of time to decompress on your own.

Do you ever struggle to know what to say?

As an introvert, you actually have the ability to be an amazing conversationalist — even if you’re quiet and hate small talk. To learn how, we recommend this online course from our partner Michaela Chung. Click here to check out the Introvert Conversation Genius course.

3. Find ways to compromise.

Part of maintaining healthy relationships with others is compromising when necessary. Though you may want to come home from work and immediately hole up in your bedroom, your loved ones want to see your beautiful face and spend quality time with you.

You can accommodate each other by splitting the evening (or weekends) into chunks of time spent both together and apart. For example, you can spend 20 minutes relaxing alone after coming home from work and then cook and eat a meal with your partner/family/roommate. Or, you might choose to watch a movie together. If you’re the active type, you could go for a group bike ride. After enjoying a bit of togetherness, you can then retreat to your bedroom and enjoy the rest of the evening alone.

However, you should never compromise in a way that is continually detrimental to your health or happiness. Healthy compromise is when every person involved is willing to experience short-lived discomfort in return for future gain (i.e., a happier relationship).

Ultimately, the best way to share a home with others is to communicate, compromise, and withdraw when need be. Remember, spending time alone is not selfish, it’s self-care — and what’s good for you is good for the people you love.

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