6 Reasons This INFJ Appreciates Introverted Men

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The media and popular culture may have us believe that most women prefer extroverted men, or that introverted men should fix themselves to be more appealing. I will admit that I could never relate to other women telling me to date the aggressive guy who is the life of the party, nor could I agree with people telling me, “Two introverts dating must be so boring.” When I see online posts from introverted men struggling with self-doubt, it’s unfortunate that they don’t recognize what they can bring to the table.

After I discovered that I am an INFJ personality type, I learned that the important men in my life — whether they were friends, a romantic partner, a colleague, or a mentor — were also introverts. I wasn’t surprised to find out that they share a similar temperament to me, because things clicked well. Based on my subjective experience, I would like to share six ways the introverted men I have met have brought value to my life. My list won’t apply to every introverted man out there, but I believe these observations of their strengths are still worth sharing.

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1. Their quiet and calm demeanor makes them easy to be around. If you’re like me, you easily pick up on people’s energies. You could feel irritable and overstimulated around one person yet happy and uplifted around someone else. While some people may say that a reserved personality is intimidating and cold, an introverted man’s calming presence helps others feel at ease. Not everyone is impressed with the outgoing and noisy party boy.

2. Introverted men can be great judges of character. When you’re a woman and a rare personality type, you’re bound to be misjudged. Even your own family, friends, and coworkers make assumptions about you that don’t reflect who you truly are. One INFJ woman told me, “Just accept the fact that nobody will ever get you.” Luckily, some introverted men read me well.  They have been able to intuitively pick up things about me that others have missed, and they were spot-on with assessing other people in my life. Finding someone who sees you as you truly are can feel like finding the missing piece of the puzzle.

3. Some of the best advice I have received came from introverted men. We INFJs love to help others, but we should be mindful about who we seek advice from. When you find out that you’re an uncommon personality type, you might realize that what works for others may not work for you. When it came to the poor advice that I received, the advice-giver would miss important details, and they would make my situation all about them. With an introvert’s excellent listening skills and the ability to analyze your situation, they can put themselves in your shoes and come up with something that gives you results. Overall, I can rely on the introverted men that I know to give me accurate advice that works. My favorite blog written by an INFJ man is ISpeakPeople.com. The advice he gives is practical for an introvert, but it’s also offered in a way that’s respectful and nonjudgmental.

4. They can show maturity and wisdom beyond their years. The stereotype is that men in their 20s and even early 30s are immature and make poor decisions, and that being older automatically makes you more mature. But, I have noticed that some young introverted men can be old souls. I don’t think it’s unusual for a young introverted man to be self-aware and sensible about important life lessons. A young introverted man can also feel mentally older than his peers, or feel out of place with people of his generation. You may find them connecting better than with people older than them as well.

5. An introverted man’s independence can be refreshing. I see common dating advice portraying women as the clingy and overbearing gender, whereas men are stereotyped as the ones who need space and feel smothered. Introverted ladies also love our space and alone time just as much. Dating a man who needs to be attached to his partner’s hip can cause burnout for us too, and we may feel frustrated that the other person doesn’t understand our need to recharge.  With an introverted man’s self-reliance, he can easily understand that you’re not able to text all day, that you aren’t into rushing relationships, or that needing time to yourself isn’t a slight against him.

6. Lastly, introverted men accept introverted women for who they are. Some introverted women may also be self-conscious about men liking them, because they may have been told that they’re “not normal.” An introverted woman may worry that her intelligence is intimidating, that her kindness may be seen as weakness, or that she has to pretend to be someone that she’s not. But, the introverted men that I know would rather have you be authentic and honest. What could be a weakness to one person could be a strength to someone else. As much as the phrase “opposites attract” may have some truth to it, our similarities can also bring us together.

Like many INFJs, I have an interest in personal growth and the desire to be the best that I can be.  I owe it to the introverted men in my life, who have helped me grow as a person and get to where I am today. Extroverted men have left their positive mark on this world, but introverted men who doubt themselves should remember that they have a lot to offer, too.

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Read this: 21 Undeniable Signs That You’re an INFJ  retina_favicon1

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    • I think that a straight INFJ man is the rarest of all people. 🙁

      • Rupali Grover

        They’re rare, but they still have a lot to offer!

      • BrianM

        There are a few of us around.

    • Shannon Arnold

      Rupali, thank you so much for writing this article. I’m also an INFJ and I discovered about 5 years ago that I can only date other introverts. Extroverts wear me out! You just articulated so many of the reasons that I love dating my introverted boyfriend – several of which I wasn’t even aware.

      • Rupali Grover

        Thank you for sharing, Shannon! Glad you can relate.