19 Sweet, Kind Things Introverts Wish Someone Would Do For Them

IntrovertDear.com introverts sweet kind things

We introverts are rarely the loudest voice in the room, and sometimes we’d rather stand over here by ourselves, thank you very much. As a result, we often get overlooked in social situations, groups, and sometimes even in our close relationships. Plus, we may have trouble speaking up for what we need — and sometimes we feel so disconnected from our own feelings and bodies that we don’t even know what we need in the moment. So, here are 19 sweet, kind things that introverts wish someone would do for them. I can’t speak for every introvert, but I bet most introverts would agree that gestures like these would be really nice:

1. Just be in your introvert’s presence. No talking, just being. Do something in the same room together. One person is on the computer, the other is reading a book. If you’re doing this with your significant other, you get bonus points for touching feet or snuggling up in some way — of course, while the two of you continue to do your own thing.

2. When the introvert in your life appears sad or upset, instead of badgering them with questions or putting them on the spot, simply put a hand on their shoulder or hug them. Then say, “We can talk about it if you want to — whenever you’re ready.”

3. When introverts say they’re leaving the party or event early, simply accept this, and don’t badger them about “missing the fun” or “leaving too early.”

4. If you notice that an introvert is trying to speak up in a group but everyone else is ignoring them or talking over them, say something like, “Wait, so-and-so is making a good point.” Then listen until they’re completely finished.

5. Don’t put introverts on the spot without checking with them first. This means don’t randomly call them up to sing karaoke in front of everyone at the office party or get the servers to sing “Happy Birthday” to them in a crowded restaurant. Some introverts can handle that kind of attention — and may even enjoy it if they know it’s coming — but others really hate it.

6. When your introvert seems tongue-tied or is acting like a deer in the headlights, don’t keep pressing them for an answer. Instead, say something like, “It’s okay! Take your time.”

7. Expect the introvert in your life to not attend every single party, get-together, happy hour, or event — and really, truly be okay with that. No passive-aggressive guilt trips.

8. Don’t assume things about the introverts because they’re introverts, such as they can’t lead a group at work, they don’t ever want to be invited to things, or they are shy and lack confidence. It’s always better to ask than assume.

9. Let your introvert talk about their one or two niche areas of interest. Introverts often have a few interests that are quirky and off the beaten path, and we don’t get to talk about them often. We really light up when someone gives us the stage in this way.

10. If the introvert in your life is having trouble making a decision about something that seems really simple to you, don’t pressure them or make them feel judged for taking so long.

11. Listen — truly listen — to all the thoughts that have built up in an introvert’s head throughout the day. We often give others space to vent or ramble, but we usually don’t feel comfortable doing this ourselves. Letting us talk freely without judgment really means a lot.

12. Saying, “You look really exhausted. Do you need some time to yourself?”

13. For holidays or birthdays, give introverts thoughtful gifts that show that you truly know them. A lot of introverts aren’t into the next trendy gadget, designer labels, or consumerism in general. Giving a meaningful gift — like a souvenir from a recent memorable place or a thoughtful letter — will probably mean more to your introvert than something flashy and expensive.

14. Check in with your introvert at a party or event. Ask, “How are you feeling — is this too much? How long do you think you’ll want to stay?”

15. Give introverts advanced notice before asking them to hang out. Don’t text and expect them to be ready to go in 10 minutes. We tend to need time to mentally prepare to socialize. It shows us respect when you plan at least a day or so in advance.

16. Respect an introvert’s boundary when they say they don’t want to talk about something right now. Introverts often need time to process things, and we like to think before we speak. This is especially important for “big” conversations that might involve conflict.

17. Remember that introverts are humans who need people, too, and that we like feeling accepted, appreciated, and connected to others.

18. Spend one-on-one time with introverts. No last-minute additional guests, and no frequent texting/social media interruptions. Just quality, meaningful conversation.

19. Even if you’re surrounded by other people,  make your introvert feel like they’re the most important person in the room to you.

Introverts, what would you add to this list?

Check out my book, The Secret Lives of Introverts: Inside Our Hidden World, which you can pre-order now on Amazon.

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  • njguy54

    Not much to add here, as this list pretty much nails it. One addendum I’d suggest for #13 would be a book, DVD or music CD that’s especially meaningful to you. Your introvert friend/S.O. will read, watch or listen to it because it’s a reflection of your interest and they want to learn more about where you’re coming from (though please don’t expect them to convert to your religion, politics, etc.). Plus, they usually enjoy reading, watching and listening to new things.

    Back in the Paleolithic Era (1980s), us kids used to make mix tapes for each other. These cassette tapes usually contained music that the creator thought was good or significant, but might also contain things taped off the TV or spoken word. Each one required a lot of work and thought, and was a labor of love. So you knew someone really liked you if they went to the trouble to make one; I treasured all the ones I received (several years ago I gave all my old cassettes to Goodwill but held onto my mix tapes). It’s a shame those are now a thing of the past, though I’ve heard that hipsters are trying to bring them back as part of the “maker movement.”

  • Grey

    Someone showing effort in trying to understand me, along with all my quirks and preferances, means a lot to me. I try to understand people and put effort in remembering their preferances. Its really nice to see someone doing that for me.

  • LA

    This is a great list! However, I get really uncomfortable with #1 if it is not my significant other 🙂

  • Irma

    This is all so spot on! wish everyone around would know these things, life would be so much easier… another thing worth putting in would be appreciation. It means so much when someone actually notices what you’ve worked so hard on. Usually it is to hard to acknowledge my own achievements, so hearing someone else saying that it’s awesome really means a lot.

  • Khaled Salah

    if only people know these things! </3

  • Kareithi

    Learning….thanks for this. Helps me understand introverts more, what they like and what they don’t like. I am an extrovert myself

  • wanderingi

    Ask me if I want to leave, yet; because I am not always reclusive. Sometimes I am having a great time with people, and I’d like to stay, if it isn’t interfering with your schedule.

  • tricia jorke

    “Don’t think I have nothing to contribute just because I’m quiet. I am interested and I am paying attention”. Great list.

  • Very cool list!

  • alrikma

    I love the idea for this article, it does include some great points I wish others would realise. The only thing I found within the article that I disliked was the phrase, “your introvert,” it made me feel like I am someone’s pet. Maybe there is a better way to write this. Thanks!

  • Marc Gregory Burdick

    thats good list

  • Dane Peregrin

    shooooccckkkssss this is the first time i have been enlightened about the introverts.. now i know what i shall do in the future.. thanks for this i hope you will continue working on something like this.. keep up the good work 🙂

  • Ann Nydam

    Introverts need more sleep, dealing with people is exhausting so the more people introverts deal with during the day, the more sleep they need.

  • Saborlas

    If (at a party or other group social setting) I’m suddenly hiding behind a screen device, let me. I’m recharging so I can come back and socialize a bit more.

  • Fatima Zahra Baba

    I can’t agree more❤