When planning your big day, consider these introvert wedding “nightmares” — and how you will accommodate your own needs.
Some people may dream about their wedding day for years while others may dread ever meeting a partner who would be so crazy as to actually want such a horrible day of photographers, fuss, and performance — and let’s not forget about all the small talk, something we introverts tend to hate. I was in neither category, luckily, and had a wonderful wedding day.
But I did learn some things that could benefit other introverts. Think them through while planning your big day and remember to accommodate your needs — and then your only problem that day will be your in-laws. I’m joking. (I hope.)
6 Things to Be Prepared for on Your Wedding Day, Fellow Introvert
1. There will be touching, a lot of touching.
Let’s start this off with a scary one: all the touching and kissing. No, I don’t mean whatever you and your new spouse are planning on doing when you’re finally alone. I mean your makeup and hair being done, people helping you get dressed, all the people you have to greet, show your wedding ring to, hug, thank, pose with … It can be a lot.
If you’re not the touchy-feely type, it can quickly become overwhelming.
And then there’s your new spouse, who would probably also like some “touching” at some point. If you know yourself and your partner well, you can — to some degree — predict how each of you will feel and act in a situation like this.
If you think you’ll be all touched out by 8 p.m. and your partner will expect a “proper” wedding night after the party’s over, talk about it and plan ahead. Schedule in some “me” time during the day (which we introverts need), leave the party at a decent time, and take a solo bath or shower before you engage in other activities. (Communication is key here so as not to offend your partner!)
2. Like it or not, all eyes will be on you.
It’s like I’m writing a horror story for introverts: “All eyes will be on you” may sound incredibly threatening. While certain people will feel some level of unease throughout the day — after all, we introverts generally don’t like being the center of attention — others will surprise themselves with how OK they feel.
Sure, when a photographer is following you around first thing in the morning, the first few pictures are probably going to be a bit awkward. But once you feel beautiful (or handsome) — and you will be! — you might not hate all the attention so much.
Even so, prepare yourself for the possible nerve-wracking moments: the first look, entering the church/venue, the beginning of the ceremony as you walk down the aisle, saying your vows, entering the party venue, the first posed pictures …
Imagine those moments beforehand, identifying what exactly scares you about them and how you will deal with them in the moment (can someone help you, if need be?). Talk about it with your partner, too. Honesty and teamwork are key ingredients for a good marriage. If you can be honest with them and they have your back on the first day of married life, things are already looking good for you!
3. Get ready for non-stop talking!
Boy, do people talk a lot on their wedding day! It’s an intense combination of serious talk (think ceremony, addressing your guests, and talking to the caterer), small talk (think Aunty Beth, who absolutely loves your dress and tells you all about her daughter’s dress-shopping adventures), and love-related talk (think lovey-dovey/smoochy “I’ve never loved you more, Pop Tart,” or any other way you and your partner express your love for each other).
If all the talking is something you’re not very comfortable with or even dread, get some people to help you out: Let other people do (most of) the public speaking, make your sister responsible for managing caterers and small issues, make your brother avert talkative guests (promise him extra dessert in return), and try to enjoy all those people who are just happy to see you happy.
There is a polite minimum of talking to be done, of course, and you’ll manage. The only thing you really have to do by yourself is the lovey-dovey talk to your partner. But to each their own love language. Make sure you each know how to convey your love and still be yourselves.
4. Forget about having much alone time — you will be surrounded by people!
Unless you run off with just your partner and/or a handful of people, weddings tend to be bigger than our usual social circle. And people will be around you all … day … long … sometimes even until late at night (or early in the morning). Scary thought, right?
Well, there are two things to keep in mind. One is that you’ll have your coveted “inner circle” of people and also an “outer circle” (and some people will be between the two). Let this visual of circles help you when you feel overwhelmed.
The ones in your inner circle will be your partner, maybe a mother or father, and maybe a sibling or best friend. These are people you trust and who know you; they just “get” you. They know your worries (because you told them, not because they are mind readers) and they will be connected to you throughout the day.
Your outer circle gets “secondary attention”: a little less heartfelt and a little less all-in. Not every single person needs your primary attention.
The second thing to keep in mind is that you have to schedule in “me” and/or us time, even for a few moments. (I’ll expand on this more below.)
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5. You may feel pressure from all sides, from being on time to managing your family.
This is a common theme in many weddings: There is never no pressure, right? Whether it’s about having cold feet, worrying about the organization of the wedding, being a good partner, being on time, dealing with family, or a countless number of other things, there’s always some type of pressure weighing on you.
As introverts — some of us highly sensitive introverts and/or perfectionists — we will often sense the tiniest issue or unhappiness in other people. This makes it harder to just naively enjoy our big day as if it were a fairy tale.
So what can we do about this?
Lots, probably, but I can’t tell you what. Only you know what kind of pressure you are likely to experience, what you can deal with easily (versus what will be harder for you), and how you can best manage it.
So this one needs some good (over)thinking (it’s what we tend to do best, right?) and mental preparation. Don’t get stuck in a loop, though. Identify possible pressure points, find solutions, talk about them with your partner, and move on. You cannot control situations that come up, but you can try to prepare for them.
6. Try to manage your time as much as possible (which also means fitting in some “me” time and “couple” time).
It’s probably going to be a long day — not in the dreadful, exhausting sense of the word, but literally a day that starts early and ends late. It’s going to be packed with people and activities, and even though the whole day is supposed to be about you, you may feel a bit lost or like you have no control over anything. (And we introverts usually like to maintain a sense of control and structure.)
But, luckily, you are still the boss (unless you have a bride standing next to you; then she’s the boss, sorry). When you’re planning your day, make sure to have some “just us” time: no photographers, no mothers or mother-in-laws, no caterers, no one barging in. Just some time for the two of you to actually talk, reflect on how the day is going, get in touch with how you’re both feeling … basically, time to connect.
After all, you’re not marrying your families, your friends, your venue, or some ideal wedding day. You’re marrying your partner, so it only makes sense to give them some undivided time and attention.
But if you can, also schedule in some “me” time. We’re not half a couple, not even on our wedding day; we’re two individual, whole people. (If you are not “whole” on your wedding day, if you feel like you are getting lost in all the excitement and you’re not really present, you’ll probably regret it later.)
So actively schedule some 10-minute breaks where no one is allowed to disturb you: read, meditate, eat and drink something, check in with your feelings, decompress — anything that makes you feel whole again. Then leave your worries behind and continue to have the wonderful wedding day you deserve.
Fellow introvert, how did your wedding day go? Please share your stories in the comments below.