Before I knew I was an INFJ personality type, I tried my best to adapt to the friends who didn’t mesh with me. If you’re an INFJ or INTJ, you’re probably no stranger to feeling like an outsider and struggling to find your tribe.
And that’s where the INFJ/INTJ friendship comes in. When INTJs and INFJs meet, a unique kind of chemistry happens. The INFJ counselor and the INTJ scientist may look like polar opposites, but we have the right amount of similarities and differences that lead us to feel like we’re the yin to each other’s yang.
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If you’re wondering how these very different personality types can feel like two peas in a pod, here are six reasons why INTJs and INFJs are magnetically drawn to each other.
Why INFJs and INTJs Make Great Friends
1. Conversations feel effortless.
INFJs typically prefer polite communication, but the INTJ’s direct ways of speaking probably won’t bother them. Why? The INFJ and INTJ share Introverted Intuition, a cognitive function that helps us feel like we speak the same language. When they delve deep into meaningful conversations about theories, experiences, and ideas, the two types can talk for hours. We connect the dots by listening to what is being said, but we also listen to what is not being said. Reading between the lines and getting the big picture avoids the misunderstandings that INFJs and INTJs can experience with other people. Overall, an INFJ-INTJ friendship is a safe place to share your insights and “aha” moments.
2. We appreciate each other’s differences.
In an INFJ-INTJ friendship, what’s bothersome to some other personality types is what we admire about each other. INFJs are often unfairly labeled as “too nice” or even “naive,” but an INTJ finds the INFJ’s dreamy nature and emotional intelligence fascinating. INTJs may be unfairly labeled as “aloof” or “dry,” but the INFJ looks up to the INTJ’s cool-headed and rational demeanor.
Similarly, an INFJ’s finesse with handling people’s emotions and personal situations can help the INTJ get in touch with their own feelings — which they’ve probably put on lock-down. On the other hand, an INTJ’s talent with finding practical solutions can motivate an INFJ to put their dreams into action. The balance of logic and empathy in our friendship can be refreshingly complimentary.
3. We share similar values.
As an INFJ or INTJ, you probably know what it’s like to have people tell you to be less choosy when it comes to dating. However, finding the right romantic partner is very important to you — you won’t settle for just anyone.
Also, you probably know what it’s like to have someone complain about your private nature, when you know that being an open book just isn’t you.
And, you know what it’s like to have someone to discourage you from your goals and big dreams, when you know you’re capable of making those visions a reality.
The great news is that INTJs and INFJs support each other in all these areas, because we both have a need for excellence in our lives. It’s important to us to do our absolute best, whether it’s our job, learning a new skill, or making a difference in society. An INFJ and INTJ will not hold each other back from being high-achievers.
4. INTJs and INFJs share a thirst for knowledge.
Since both types need intellectual stimulation, the INTJ and INFJ can explore topics that can’t always be brought up during small talk. For example, my INTJ friend has no formal training in psychology, yet he easily grasps what I deal with in my line of work as a counselor. Our conversations range from talking about trauma and oppression to how to handle difficult situations at work. While our discussions may be too heavy for some people, an INFJ and INTJ can’t get enough of diving deep. INFJs love asking other people questions, and INTJs love sharing what they know — often making them the perfect conversational partners.
5. We both value the truth.
There’s a conventional idea that says, “You only get upset at somebody’s comment when you know it’s true.” I’ve had the opposite experience of getting annoyed at comments that were not true. When INFJs and INTJs are trying to figure something out, we’re looking for a correct answer by gathering information through asking questions and reflecting on what fits in with our intuition. What’s proven to be true helps INFJs and INTJs form their belief system and principles, as well as understand who they are at their core. They can then use this knowledge to create ideas that have a successful impact on others.
Unlike INTJs, INFJs may hold back on sharing their truth. I recall following the advice of an extroverted authority figure telling me, “Don’t correct people. It’s charmless. Let people think what they want to think.” When I befriended INTJs, it was a relief that I could be honest and straightforward with them. You can count on an INTJ to return the same level of honesty with you.
6. INTJs and INFJs enjoy a similar sense of humor.
Many INTJs aren’t shy to admit that they like dark humor, but INFJs may be hesitant to show their sarcastic side around people who could get easily offended. Not only is dark humor introspective enough to make us think about the underlying message behind it, but it may parallel the cynical and sad moments INFJs and INTJs experience in their rich inner world.
This goes back to INFJs and INTJs valuing the truth, because dark and sarcastic humor can be honest yet clever at the same time. These two rare intuitives may be viewed as quiet and pensive, but quirky jokes can be a way to remind us not to take life so seriously. Put an INFJ and INTJ together, and you have a recipe for witty banter.
In a world filled with extroverted sensors, the INFJ and INTJ can find deep friendship and empower each other to be their best selves. If you feel like an outsider, you may find that mutual understanding comes easily in an INTJ-INFJ friendship.
More INFJ and INTJ Resources
- 24 Signs That You’re an INTJ Personality Type
- 4 Ways INFJs and INTJs Can Develop Their Introverted Intuition
- 7 Secrets About Dating an INTJ
- INFJ or INTJ? 5 Ways to Tell Them Apart
- 21 Signs That You’re an INFJ, the Rarest Personality Type
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