If you clicked on this article, then you are either an INFJ personality type or you have one in your life. As an INFJ myself, I can tell you that we are deeply complex and often confusing creatures. If you are just now beginning to research this personality type, I advise you to buckle up, because there is a lot to learn. The more you research, the more you’ll realize just how tender your INFJ is, despite how tough they may seem.
(What’s your personality type? We recommend this free personality test.)
Your INFJ will take their time opening up to you. Use this article as advice on how to engage with them so you can get to know them on a deeper level. Truth be told, a deep connection with another person is what INFJs crave the most. Here are ten kind, thoughtful things you can do for your INFJ partner or friend.
1. Surprise us. INFJs are known to be organized and enjoy having a plan, but we do enjoy spontaneity as well. I don’t mean having a loose concept of what the day will hold or changing plans last minute. This will only stress out your INFJ. What I mean by a “surprise” is something you have already planned that you know your INFJ will love doing. This could be a weekend trip to a new place, an outdoor activity, or a trip to an art museum. INFJs are adventurous people at heart, and they love experiencing new things. More important, we love creating memories with you.
2. Feed us. I mean this literally and figuratively. INFJs thrive in intellectual environments. We are very cognitive people, and along with our deeply sensitive nature, we want to be around people who have ideas and opinions they are passionate about. INFJs love to learn. It is common to find us with our nose in a book. We don’t shy away from conversations about literature, science, politics, religion, etc. We will dive deep with you if you allow us the space to do so.
Literally, feed us. INFJs are always in their heads, rarely taking time to step into reality. If your INFJ is in one of those weird head-space moods, bring them back to Earth with a plate of food and a cozy movie night.
3. Check in on us. Check in with your INFJ throughout the day. Chances are if an INFJ is in a romantic relationship with you, then you have made your way up to the tippy top of their priority list. However, they probably won’t initiate a lot of conversation with you. INFJs are solitary creatures, and we respect your need for space if you want it. But that doesn’t mean we aren’t thinking about you (constantly). Sending a sweet or funny text will remind us that you are thinking about us, too. It shows that you care enough to reach out, even if it’s just “hello.”
If an INFJ loves you, we will be selfless with our love. Please never take that for granted. INFJs act tough, but deep down, we are so, so sensitive. Reach out when you think of us and make sure you do what you can to make us feel special.
4. Give us some space. INFJs love people, but we can become socially drained easily. If your INFJ becomes withdrawn or moody, do not be alarmed or take it personally. We just need some space. Our emotional sponge is full, and we need time to process everything we have absorbed. Our time alone allows us to get in touch with how we feel about things, so that we can continue being our best, supportive self for you and everyone else we care about.
5. Spend quality time with us. You may think that just being in your INFJ’s presence is enough, but we crave quality time. We live in a world that provides constant distraction. Your INFJ will appreciate when you tune those distractions out and focus on the world you have with just them. No social media. No group outings. We want to know that you enjoy being with just us.
6. Write it down. INFJs are typically much better at expressing our thoughts through writing than actual speaking. Because of this, we tend to go ga-ga over the written word. Books, poetry, letters, etc. are all things that INFJs are drawn to. I’ll bet every INFJ has imagined that a perfect world consists of sending love letters. I don’t mean you have to be John Keats or Anaïs Nin, but your handwriting on paper will melt your INFJ’s heart.
P.S. I have multiple boxes filled with letters and postcards that people have sent me over the years. I just cannot let go of them.
7. Make us laugh. I think that most people assume INFJs are deeply serious people. Well, we are serious about certain things, but we are actually quite light-hearted. Much thanks to our Extroverted Feeling function, we want everyone to feel comfortable and happy to be around us. You can learn a lot about your INFJ based on their humor. It’s usually an intelligent, dark, and/or dry sense of humor. We will make self-deprecating remarks to get a reaction from you. We have a pretty good radar for comic relief. We greatly appreciate when the favor is returned, especially when we are feeling uncomfortable or stressed.
8. Listen to us. INFJs are great listeners, but it is seldom that we feel we are truly heard by someone else. There is a lot going on in our heads, and sometimes we have to vocalize our thoughts in order to better understand them. INFJs are often in touch with how others feel, but it may take us a lot longer to know how we are feeling. Listening to our ramblings helps us sort through all the information we have absorbed to get to the root of it all. It’s a real relief being able to talk, unfiltered, and know that the other person is truly engaged and wanting to help.
9. Defend us. We are aware that we are not always easy to understand. We are afraid that most people won’t take the time to get to know us. While people often feel comfortable around us, we seldom feel completely comfortable around them. If we are being “very” INFJ (moody, solitary, etc.), please help others who don’t understand us to understand how we tick. It’s never personal. We simply don’t always know how to get people we aren’t familiar with to understand us. We want to be liked, but our deeply introverted nature tends to make us “hermit away” for periods of time. Making new friends is tough for us because, as introverts, we don’t thrive in group settings. Help us get involved and feel included. To quote Chandler Bing, we are “hopeless, awkward, and desperate for love.” Okay, maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but you get the idea.
10. Notice small things about us. Your INFJ is a daydreamer. We notice the most minute details. We want you to join in on this world with us. On top of that, we want you to notice and appreciate the odd intricacies of our personality. We want to feel valued and adored by you for who we truly are. We don’t show much of ourselves to the world, but we will show it to you. We want to be assured that you value who we are and always want to know more.
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Read this: 21 Undeniable Signs That You’re an INFJ
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