How to Coexist Peacefully With the Extrovert in Your Friend Group

A friend group

When there’s an introvert and an extrovert in a friend group, a clash is bound to happen. 

You know that one friend you love with all your heart but who’s always trying to drag you to parties? Or the one who can’t understand why you don’t feel like talking all the time?

We all have them: Extroverted friends.

Really, we introverts can’t spend all our time in the comfort of our homes. We also need friends in order to thrive — and sometimes these friends include extroverts

We may love our extroverted friends, but we might reevaluate the friendship if we are asked, “Are you okay? You look so sad!” one more time!

It’s not always easy to be friends with extroverts. So here are a few ways I’ve managed to maintain healthy and peaceful friendships with them. I hope these help you, too.

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How to Coexist Peacefully With Your Extroverted Friends

1. Always remember: There is nothing wrong with you.

As introverts, we are used to feeling misunderstood. We value our personal space, and our alone time is sacred to us. We also feel things deeply. We may not always actively contribute to conversations, perhaps because we are so busy thinking (to the point of overthinking) and analyzing our words. After all, we want to make sure we have something valuable to contribute.

During my freshman year of college, whenever I’d get lunch with my extroverted friends, I often felt guilty afterward. They’d want to talk about amusing situations they had found themselves in, or interesting people they had met, and I often didn’t feel like engaging in these conversations. Sensing their discomfort made me feel even worse. 

The truth is, I preferred to listen — and still do.

This scenario can be exhausting and frustrating enough as it is. But it’s even worse when you feel like the odd one out and like something’s wrong with you. 

So, remember that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you for being an introvert. It’s perfectly okay to have your introverted quirks.

My advice? Have a journaling session where you list all your introvert superpowers (like your ability to create or listen). You can also recite daily affirmations to remind you that you are enough just as you are.

It’s not an easy road, given that society is always trying to force more extroverted traits upon us. But the sooner you learn to embrace who you are as an introvert, and become secure in yourself, the less awkward you will feel.

2. Firmly express your boundaries, like your need for alone time.

When there’s an introvert and an extrovert in a friend group, a clash is bound to happen. Maybe your friend wants to go out every night, but you’d rather stay in. Maybe your friend dominates conversations — and barely gives you the chance to get a word in. Or maybe you get asked annoying questions like, “Why are you so quiet? Do you not like spending time with us?”

That last one might be more common with friends you’re just getting to know (versus ones who have known you a long time). But it still stings. Before you know it, you’ll probably start asking yourself why you’re even friends with this person.

This is why, in order to have a healthy, peaceful friendship (void of unnecessary drama) with an extrovert, boundaries are key

So take some time to figure out what is important to you, and what you need to feel happy and respected in your friendship. You may need them to understand that you cannot go out every night because you need time to yourself to recharge. Or, you would really appreciate it if they stopped labeling you as “someone who doesn’t talk” — when the truth is, you just don’t always have as much to say as they do.

Expressing your boundaries can be scary for anyone, but especially for us introverts. However, it’s necessary in order for us to have healthy, authentic relationships. So gather your courage, be firm, and communicate your concerns. Any friend who truly cares about you will respect your differences. If they don’t, change your friend!

Do you ever struggle to know what to say?

As an introvert, you actually have the ability to be an amazing conversationalist — even if you’re quiet and hate small talk. To learn how, we recommend this online course from our partner Michaela Chung. Click here to check out the Introvert Conversation Genius course.

3. Be open to compromise every once in a while, too.

As much as you may need to firmly express your boundaries, it’s also a good idea to compromise here and there and share in the extroverted experience. Doing this may be easier for those of us (myself included) who consider ourselves  “extroverted” introverts and can dip our toes into both worlds.

I am proud to be an introvert. But I also love spending time with my close friends, meeting new people, and having meaningful conversations. If I’m in the right mood, I may even enjoy a party or two. I just need to have my alone time to recharge my social batteries. Being in constant socializing mode does not work for me.

For instance, I went on a girls’ trip to the Caribbean. One of my friends got excited about the nightlife and wanted us to go out almost every night. My first instinct was to stay home and watch YouTube videos. However, I reminded myself that planning this trip took a lot of effort from all of us and I should make the most of it. 

So I went out with them. Even though I was exhausted afterward, I had a lot of fun and would absolutely do it again. On nights when I really didn’t feel like going out, I communicated my preference to them. They understood and went without me while I stayed back and rested. It was a win-win, proving that communication is key!

There needs to be some give and take in every relationship; things can’t always happen exactly the way you want them to. Honestly, sometimes it’s a good thing because it teaches you new things or exposes you to awesome experiences you never knew you could have.

No matter how annoying they may be sometimes (I say that with love!), keep an open mind and learn to compromise with your extroverted friends. Who knows? You might have some fun in the process.

4. Remind yourself of why you love this person as a friend.

All friendships are complicated and conflicts are unavoidable. This is especially true in the case of an introvert/extrovert relationship or friendship. Each person may deeply care about the other, but their differing personalities are bound to get in the way. When that happens, I find it helpful to remind myself of all the things I love about this person and why I value my friendship with them. 

For example, I have a close friend who I love, but who is also a very social person. He often invites a bunch of people to every gathering. As an introvert, this is not my cup of tea; I prefer to spend quality time with select people because I feel drained after large gatherings. There are times when I’ve questioned my friendship with him because of his actions. However, I’d then remind myself why I value our friendship: He is a caring and loving friend, and he has supported me through some dark times. These traits trump his extroverted desire to go out all the time.

It sounds basic, but it works. So next time your extroverted friend drives you crazy and you consider cutting them out of your life, take a minute and remind yourself why you love them — and why your life wouldn’t be the same without them!

My fellow introverts, do you have a lot of extroverted friends? And how do you manage your friendship with them? Let us know down below!

Do you struggle with overthinking? If yes, check out my blog, Thoughts From Alfy, where I share life hacks and advice to help my fellow overthinkers live life one thought at a time!

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