Any time I read an article about INFJs and relationships, it seems to repeat the same advice: our “ideal” match is the ENTP personality type. Then there is almost always a statement about how any two personality types can make a relationship work if they try hard enough. For instance, an INFJ can date any personality type–even an ESTP, our complete opposite–and it can be successful if the INFJ and their partner want the relationship to work.
Of course, this sentiment is true. INFJs can have happy relationships with any personality type. However, some types will probably be more compatible with INFJs than others. INFJs seek specific qualities from partners and friends. We value intelligence, honesty, authenticity, creativity, passion, and kindness. Of course, there are other qualities we look for, but that depends greatly on the individual INFJ.
This article is based on my own personal experience as an INFJ and the relationships I have formed with other Myers-Briggs personality types. This information may not apply to every INFJ, or the other personality types I have described below, but it is based on the patterns of behavior I have observed in my lifetime. I am hoping that through this article, I can provide a little insight into how INFJs feel about other personality types.
Should an INFJ Date an Extrovert?
Let’s begin with extroverts. Extroverts are exciting and stimulating to be around. INFJs are often mistaken for extroverts, as we are incredibly interested in people and forming relationships with them. Extroverts allow us the socialization that we crave and they push us outside of our comfort zone from time to time. Most of my closest relationships have been with extroverts, because we balance each other in a complementary way. I love that they are always willing to spend time with me. Some extroverted personality types are less social than others, and these are the ones I mesh with the best. They are social and talkative, but they also respect my need for quiet and calm environments.
In my experience as an INFJ, extroverted types that I get along well with include the following:
ENFP (“The Inspirer”)
The ENFPs I have known are full of life. What I love most about them is that they are truly free spirited. They bring out the aspects of my personality that are also free thinking, independent, and creative. Due to their magnificent intuitive abilities, ENFPs know when and how to approach more reserved personalities. They are sensitive to social situations and love connecting with all types of people. ENFPs make life a little brighter for everyone they encounter.
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ENFJ (“The Giver”)
Most of my closest friends are ENFJs. I’m not kidding. It’s like we are somehow magnetically drawn to each other. We are equally passionate and concerned about similar issues, but we go about our passions in different ways. ENFJs have, for lack of a better term, strong personalities. The ENFJs I have known are incredibly passionate people. INFJs have strong convictions, but those convictions are not on display for the world to see. I believe that ENFJs and INFJs get along well because we both care deeply and strive to make the world a better place.
Overall, I think extroverts make life exciting for INFJs. Some incredibly extroverted types may be taxing on an INFJ’s quiet nature, but those are the types we learn to enjoy in smaller doses. For all of you extroverts out there with an INFJ friend or loved one, please keep in mind that we value our solitude. We may require a lot more alone time than you can comprehend. It is best to give us our space and to not take it personally. We will come back to you when we’re ready and we will be energized for whatever adventure you have in mind.
Should an INFJ Date Another Introvert?
I think the most glaringly obvious advantage to having a relationship with an introvert is that they understand our need for solitude. It is comforting beyond words when another person understands your quiet moments and does not question you when you are lost in thought. I have befriended several introvert personality types in my lifetime. These are the friends that meet me at a coffee shop, or lounge around watching movies or reading all day. There is very little energy exerted when I am with other introverts. In fact, some of them give me more energy.
In my experience as an INFJ, other introverted types that I get along with well include the following:
INTJ (“The Scientist”)
Ah, the INTJ. There isn’t another introverted personality type that I am hopelessly drawn to more than this one. They are quick-witted, intelligent, and decisive. They do not let emotions stand in their way and rely on logic above all else. This is precisely how we are different and also why I value their personality so much. INFJs are known to get caught up in daydreaming, so it’s refreshing to be around a personality that is more grounded in logic. Some may view their lack of emotion to be cold or distant, but when viewed from a different perspective, they are actually very loving and thoughtful people.
INFP (“The Idealist”)
INFPs and INFJs may just have one letter different in their acronyms, but we are quite different personality types. The INFPs in my life can drive me a little up the wall with their lack of planning and punctuality (mundane tasks bore them), but all in all, I admire them. INFPs are bright and beautiful people to be around. Forever the ultimate idealists, they see things through rose-colored glasses. They remain optimistic and value harmony in their relationships. Just like an INFJ, INFPs can be difficult to get to know. They are reserved with their thoughts and feelings, but this does not mean that they do not care. They care deeply, especially about the people they are close to and the things they are passionate about. They are creative people with a depth of insight. I hope every INFJ gets to know at least one INFP in their lifetime. The INFPs that I know have changed my life.
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INTP (“The Logician”)
In the world of personality theory, the INTP and INFJ pairing has been nicknamed “The Golden Pair” because these two types can be highly compatible. Personally, I have only known one INTP (that I’m aware of). This person played a significant role in my life. When we met, we immediately felt comfortable together, and I felt understood for the first time in my life. Though the INTP focuses mostly on logic and the INFJ primarily on emotion, I would say these two types are a great match as they keep each other balanced. INTPs seek information at all times, and they are very much in their heads, like INFJs. The INFJ loves the INTP’s logical approach while the INTP appreciates the INFJ’s naturally mysterious disposition. INTPs can grow bored easily, but the INFJ’s willingness to communicate and question things keeps them intrigued.
Honorary mention goes to other INFJs! We get along with one another almost seamlessly. I love meeting other INFJs. You inspire me.
Really, any two personality types can absolutely make a relationship work. I hope this overview of other Myers-Briggs types from an INFJ’s perspective shed some light on what we gravitate toward and how these other types impact an INFJ’s life. Want to learn more about INFJ relationships? Check out these great INFJ resources from our partner site.
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Read this: An Open Letter to Single INFJs