“You liked me? I had no idea!”
I was sitting across from a friend in a coffee shop, and I had just admitted that years ago I’d had a big crush on him. His response: complete and utter shock.
I’ll be honest, this wasn’t the first time I’d been interested in a guy and he had absolutely no clue. Basically all my crushes throughout school worked this way. As an introvert, I don’t shout my interest and affection from a rooftop. I barely whisper it in a dark room to myself.
Yep, this internally-focused introvert can be plain ‘ole hard to read.
How do you know if an introvert is interested in dating you? As an introvert author, this is one of the questions I get asked most often. Hopeful extroverts (and some daring introverts) email me and lay out all the details of their situation. Then they ask, “Do you think he/she is into me?”
So, to answer this question, here are ten subtle signs that an introvert likes you. I can’t speak for all introverts, because we’re individuals, after all. These signs are based on my own experiences, as well as the experiences of introverts I interviewed for my book.
(Are you sure the person you’re interested in is an introvert? You might want to check the definition of introversion.)
Signs an Introvert Is Interested in Dating You
1. We open up to you.
Generally speaking, introverts are looking for more than just a simple give-and-take relationship. We’re looking for a soul connection, a meeting of the minds. So, when we like you, we share our inner world of thoughts, feelings, and daydreams with you. We tell you about that one time in college we swore we’d take to the grave. We tell you that we’ve always felt like an alien dropped onto this planet from another world, and do you feel that way too? These are things we don’t blab to just anyone. We’re telling you because we think you’re special — and we want to peek into your inner world, too.
2. We know just a liiiiitle more about you than we reasonably should.
That’s because we’ve been
internet stalking researching you. It probably began the day we met you. We needed photos, whereabouts, interests, and that oh-so-important relationship status. We’ve googled your name, found you on Instagram, and checked for mutual friends on Facebook.
We’re paying attention in other ways, too. We might drop your name casually into a conversation with mutual acquaintances and see what information they offer up. We might make a mental note that every Monday you eat lunch in the break room — and surprise, we’re brown-bagging it today, too! For the introvert, information is power.
3. We’re often one of the first people to comment on or “like” your social media posts.
This is the collateral damage of all that
incessant internet stalking research.
4. We watch you out of the corner of our eye.
Not in a creepy way. We’re admiring you (and checking you out). Introverts are natural observers. If you catch us looking at you more than once, we might be into you.
5. We laugh nervously around you.
Or blush. Or stutter. Or get hopelessly tongue-tied. Generally, we appear nervous and/or hyper-alert in your presence. That’s because talking to you probably pushes us waaaay outside our introvert comfort zone.
6. We write you a love letter.
Okay, more likely, it’s just a well-worded text. But those Hey, how are you? or How’s your day going? messages are pretty much love letters in our minds. Generally, introverts feel more comfortable expressing themselves in writing than in conversation. That’s because we can struggle with word retrieval. Writing our thoughts allows us to thoroughly reflect on what we want to communicate before we push send.
7. We actually answer your calls — or call you.
It’s no secret that introverts absolutely loathe talking on the phone. It’s not much of an exaggeration to say that we let all calls go to voicemail unless we think someone’s in the hospital or the pizza delivery guy is here. If we pick up when you call — or spend hours talking to you on the phone (or Skype) — we’re probably head-over-heels for you.
8. We invite you to our favorite hangouts.
Going back to #1, we don’t share our private introvert world with just anyone. We probably have some places that are practically sacred to us, like our favorite hiking trail, a coffee shop where we go to write, or a bookstore that makes us feel like everything is right in the world. When we take you to these places, we’re trying to share a little piece of what makes us, well, us.
9. We share our writing, art, or favorite bands and movies with you.
Often, for introverts, our art, music, and movies help define us. Because we can struggle to communicate what is so deeply felt inside us, we turn to creative expression to get the thoughts out. Similar to #8, we don’t share these pieces of ourselves with just anyone. When we show them to you, know that you are special to us.
10. We step outside our comfort zone for you.
We may push ourselves to do things we normally wouldn’t do — like going to a party or getting lost in a sea of concert-goers at a music festival — if we know you’ll be there. We may stay up late texting you, even though we know we’ll suffer at work or school tomorrow. For you, we’d willingly give ourselves an introvert hangover — and the exhaustion is well worth it.
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Read this: 9 Secrets About Dating an Introvert
Learn more: The Secret Lives of Introverts: Inside Our Hidden World, by Jenn Granneman
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