Being an introvert won’t take anything away from your role as a mom. In fact, your kids will get something extra special from you.
I’m an introvert with four kids. To some, it might seem like I made a mistake surrounding myself with so many little people who love to be close to me at all times, but being a mother is the thing I enjoy most in the world.
Early in my motherhood “career,” I had a lot of doubts about being an introverted mom. Those doubts still creep up from time to time (no, Mommy isn’t taking you to Ava’s birthday party; that’s Daddy’s territory). However, I’ve come to realize that introverted moms have a lot to offer. In fact, I think we rock the mom gig.
So I put together this list of traits that make introvert moms amazing — not to toot my own horn, but to remind all my fellow introverted moms out there. If you have doubts sometimes, or wonder if you’re meeting that invisible standard of motherhood, keep reading. Our stars may not shine as brightly as our extroverted counterparts, but our warmth as mothers is never-ending.
See if you recognize yourself in these traits and remember that you’re giving your children a wonderful gift of having you: an introverted mom.
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6 Reasons Why Introverts Make Amazing Moms
1. We’re great listeners, which helps us bond deeply with our children.
When asked about my best personality strength, this is always the first one that comes to my mind: being a great listener. Listening just comes naturally to most introverts because we’re not concerned with filling the space with our own voice. It’s such an important skill, especially for connecting with your children.
Do I want to listen to my son tell me about his Minecraft world … for the 189th time? No, but I’m pretty good about feigning interest (at least for a while). When it comes to hearing things about my kid’s day, I’m all ears. I love learning about what’s going on in their lives — it makes mine more interesting.
My husband enjoys telling all kinds of stories and filling our children’s minds with obscure facts and “Dad Jokes.” Yet what I enjoy most is hearing what my kids have to say (even if it’s ridiculous). Listening helps me see through their young eyes, which helps us build deep bonds that will last a lifetime. From birth, I’ve told my kids, “You can always tell mom anything,” and I mean it.
2. We’re strongly empathetic — if my child is in pain, I’m in pain.
Little kids often have big emotions. Things that seem inconsequential to adults can feel incredibly important to a child. As introverted moms, many of us are endowed with an extra dose of empathy.
When one of my children was being bullied at school, it took me back to my middle school days. My heart ached with their pain. The empathetic mom doesn’t try to brush aside her child’s feelings as silly or juvenile; she feels right along with them.
Empathy is one of the main tools I use to show my children love. My empathy superpower gives me the ability to speak calmly to a 2 year old who’s screaming because I peeled her orange.
3. We give our children plenty of attention and one-on-one time.
While an extroverted mom might choose to be treasurer of the PTA and volunteer at all the major fundraising events, an introverted mom is often happiest at home with her family. We’re delightful homebodies, and interacting one-on-one with our kids is how we shine.
When one of my kids grabs a book and runs in my direction, a big smile spreads across my face. I could read with them for hours. Movie night in? Score! Board games and jigsaw puzzles are right up my alley, too. Fellow introvert moms, our whole introverted lives have prepared us for these activities.
And, yes, you can still be a fun mom as an introvert. Couch fort, anyone?
4. We’re strong leaders who can set clear rules and provide direction for our kids.
I didn’t realize until I was older that introverts can make great leaders. Now I’m proud to show my kids that being quiet doesn’t mean you’re not strong. As mothers, we’re constantly needing to set clear rules and provide direction for our kids. I can say confidently that introversion does not get in the way of this.
Introverted moms are solid in their abilities to lead the family. Introversion does not mean you’re timid around close family members. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. While introverted moms can lay down the law when needed, we also recognize that we’re part of a family team where everyone is valued.
5. We respect our childrens’ boundaries, like their need for alone time.
Don’t want to kiss Aunt Edna on the cheek? No problem. Want to skip the family event because you’re feeling too overwhelmed? Got it. Need to spend some time alone in your room? Totally understand.
If anyone can understand a child’s reluctance to be pushed into a social situation, it’s an introvert. Introverted moms value their child’s feelings above appearances. We have huge respect for personal space and can recognize when someone needs space to recharge. Especially in family situations, everyone can benefit from some alone time.
Is social anxiety holding your child back?
Although social anxiety is not the same thing as introversion, many introverted kids experience this painful and isolating condition. The truth is your child can learn the skills to overcome their social anxiety, and our partner Natasha Daniels can show them how. This means happier school days, less resistance to social activities, more friends, and lifelong confidence. Click here to check out her online class, How to Crush Social Anxiety. For ages 10+.
6. There’s less competition — we’re not concerned with throwing the biggest party for our child.
When you’re an introverted mom, it means less competition with the other moms and kids in your world. We aren’t concerned with throwing the biggest party for our child. We don’t care if our child is in the popular group at school. We’re not forcing our own social desires on them, either, which can relieve a lot of pressure.
We’re also not competing for the spotlight with our children. Introverts hate being the center of attention and are usually happy to let their kids be center stage. Some things, like school and kids’ events, should really be about the child, anyway. They shouldn’t be about showing off or making yourself feel more important as a parent (which, let’s admit, we’ve all seen an extroverted parent do at some point…).
Introvert Moms Unite: Remember, Play to Your Strengths
I hope in reading this, all the introverted mothers (or would-be introverted mothers), doubt themselves less. Your introversion gives you many qualities that will work in your favor as a mom, from your deep listening skills to your endless empathy.
If you love your children and do your best, being an introvert isn’t going to take anything away from your role as a mother. In fact, I hope you now see that your kids will get a little something extra special from your relationship.
By recognizing these positive traits, you can play to your strengths as an introverted mom even more so. Rest assured, your kids are lucky to have you, and they’ll grow up to be better humans because of you.
You can find more inspiring content for moms on my blog, StepstoSelf.com.