As an introvert, or the “quiet one,” it’s sometimes hard for others to tell what I’m thinking or feeling. Communicating things verbally doesn’t always come easy for me, and honestly, I’m not very good at being vulnerable. It often takes a (really) long time for me to feel comfortable around most people. But after I let down my walls and really start to care for someone, I’m all in.
So if you’re curious how the introverts in your life really feel about you — even though they might not tell you — their actions will speak volumes. Although this is not an exhaustive list, and every introvert is going to be a little different, these are six subtle signs to look for.
Signs an Introvert Cares About You
1. We will actually initiate plans.
Personally, I’m not usually the one to reach out to others first. I think most introverts are in the same camp. If someone wants to see me, I usually assume that they’ll make the first move, and we’ll coordinate from there. After a long day of being around people, introverts simply crave going home and recharging instead of embarking on the next round of socializing. Yet, there are times when we do want to spend time with someone who just “gets” us best.
So if an introvert reaches out to you craving a coffee date and meaningful conversation, know it’s a big deal and that you mean a lot to them! They might even — *gasp* — call you on the phone! (Reminder: If that last one happens, you’re a huge deal in their world).
2. We remember tiny details about you.
Introverts tend to be listeners. We hardly ever dominate a conversation, but rather take the role of active listener, providing advice or comfort when needed. Due to this role, I’ve been given plenty of opportunities to remember details about so many people. And the more I care about you, the more I will remember! To be honest, I’m often self-conscious about how much I remember sometimes, but I promise, it’s all love.
So when an introvert texts you first thing on your birthday, asks how your dog is doing by name, or lets you know that your favorite band is coming to town, know that they’ve remembered so much about you because they care so much about you.
3. We show up for you.
Parties are not an introvert’s scene. They involve forced conversation, small talk, and strangers. If you see me at a party, I’m either the one clinging to the only person I know for the entire night or I’m sitting in the corner with the dog. However, if you mean the world to me, and you invite me to your housewarming party full of your friends I don’t know, I will still be there.
It can be a pretty big deal for us introverts to step out of our comfort zone. If we do, it’s probably because, to us, actions speak louder than words. It’s our way of saying we know how important this event is to you, and since we care about you so much, we couldn’t not be there to share in that happiness — even if we are the ones calling it an early night.
4. We’ll actually open up to you about ourselves.
As an introvert, I’m naturally a private person. I generally don’t feel the need to share things about my life with everyone just for the sake of talking. I can also be pretty stubborn, and I’ll try to work through a hard time on my own before asking for someone’s counsel or advice.
Yet if an introvert really cares about you, you’re probably already part of our “inner circle,” and therefore, you have our trust. So over time, we become an open book. We’ll tell you things we’ve never told anyone else. We’ll share our inner thoughts, our dreams, and our blunt opinions. This is an extremely privileged place in an introvert’s life that not many come to know. Be careful not to lose our trust. If you do, a door slam may be in your future.
5. We’ll let you share our alone time.
This one is no secret: Introverts LOVE being alone. This sacred time allows us to decompress, enjoy our many niche interests, and recharge our social batteries before the next (inevitable) round of human interaction.
However, when we really care about someone, we might not mind spending “alone” time together. Meaning, you do your thing, and I’ll do mine. Since the people who really “get” us already know they don’t need to fill every moment with entertainment or small talk, we don’t even have to do anything. If I really care about someone, just being together in silence works for me. I’ll appreciate it more than you know.
6. We’ll never forget you.
Over time, friendships come and friendships go. Some last a season, while a few last longer. I’m admittedly not the greatest at staying in touch with old friends. But just because you don’t hear from me doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten about you. To an introvert, a deep and meaningful connection with someone is rare. We usually hold onto these people as long as we can. But as we all know, life happens. People change and people grow apart.
But introverts will never forget those they cared about; those who showed us kindness, friendship, laughter, and love, if only for a season. That song that reminds me of you will always remind me of you — so don’t be surprised if I randomly reach out to you one day just to see how you’re doing. And when an introvert deeply cares for someone and life allows their paths to cross again with no hard feelings, they will gladly welcome them back in.
Even though the introverts you know and love may not tell you how they feel, these are a few of the many ways they show you how much they care. On behalf of us “quiet ones,” thank you for sticking with us.