An Open Letter to INFJs INFJ open letter
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Amelia Brown

Dear fellow INFJ,

Considering we are the rarest of the 16 personality types, I feel it is important we connect and communicate as much as possible. We are complex people, to say the very least. Of course everyone is complex, but the INFJ personality adds extra layers of complexity that are not so easily seen by an outsider.

(What’s your personality type? We recommend this free personality test.)

We appear reserved and calm on the surface, when in fact, we have deeply chaotic and rich inner worlds.  We rarely show these worlds to other people. We are fiercely guarded individuals, and it can take years for someone to get to know us.

Others may not understand why we like to plan things out or why we do not like things to change spontaneously. Our outer world must remain orderly because our moods are up and down and everywhere.

It is not easy being an INFJ in our modern reality. We are deeply sensitive and empathetic. I am sure you have been told many times to grow a thicker skin, to toughen up, that you are too sensitive, etc. I honestly used to think there was something wrong with me. I cry about things. I feel other people’s emotions as if they are my own. I can sense someone’s energy to the point that I can either cry with them or keep it together because they need someone to be strong for them.

I am sure you know exactly what I mean by sensing someone’s energy. We are highly in tune with everyone and everything around us. We walk into an environment and the energy affects our own mood greatly. We are exposed, raw nerves in a world that often tries to callous us.

We are natural counselors, so people trust us with their feelings. I know that this happens to me frequently, and it leaves me wanting to be able to share my feelings with someone. When we do finally trust someone enough with our sensitive souls, it feels like a release. There is nothing more comforting than feeling understood.

However, this can leave us particularly vulnerable when these people leave our lives for one reason or another. I know that I am guarded, but I try my hardest to let people somewhat into my inner life. There are few things more painful than feeling lonely.

The main reason I am passionate about sharing my perspective as an INFJ is that I want other people, INFJ or not, to know they are never alone. INFJs are often mistaken for extroverts because we genuinely love getting to know people.

I think it is not only helpful, but I daresay crucial, that we take time to recognize that our differences are what help maintain balance in the world. It may seem like the world tries to change us to fit in better, but maybe the world could use a little more of what we have. We are naturally warm and nurturing.

We can never explain why we care so much about everyone’s well-being. We live to help others without expecting something in return.

So, my sweet INFJs, you were born with hearts of gold. It may seem like the world doesn’t understand you. Perhaps it doesn’t. Our authenticity is rare. We should not be so hard on ourselves. It takes courage to be sensitive and kind.

My advice to you (INFJs love to give advice) is to remain gentle and caring for those around you. It is difficult to care and to give as much as you do. Learn to heal your wounds. Learn to care for yourself the way you care for others. You already know how to speak kindly to others. Speak kind words to yourself. Let the emotional scar tissue remind you that you have fought for your strength.

Your quiet, kind strength will bring comfort to people in ways you cannot imagine. People will rely on you, which is what our personality type thrives on.

Life is never going to be easy for us, but life is never easy for anyone. The best thing we can do is try to make life a little easier for everyone.


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Read this: 21 Undeniable Signs That You’re an INFJ Personality Type


  • Dani Evans England says:

    Thank you! You know exactly how I feel and others like us! ❤

  • Sarah Campbell says:

    I am bursting into tears and laughing at the same time! A Kindred Spirit! Thank you! To paraphrase Anne Shirley it is always reassuring to know that kindred spirits aren’t as scare as I once thought.

    • Flora Capasso says:

      I am so happy I found this site. I have gone through half of my life just trying to help everyone that I can. No matter what the task is. My best friend of 30 years has always asked me what I got out if it. Most of the time I learn a new piece of information and walk on a high…when I help someone get where they need or want to be. I think about everything I do and say and how it will be interpreted, how I will make a person feel and where the conversation will go from there. I never want to hurt anyone’s feelings and say things in the most positive way I can think of. If it is terribly important I can go over in my head till I am in circles. I get hurt to my core because some of those I help continue on their journey and walk away from me. This really breaks my heart not because they don’t need my help anymore but because I get so close to someone and then wonder about them for years after. I don’t get close to very many people but when I do I am loyal friend for forever. It is wonderful to know their are others that feel this same way.

  • Thank you. Beautiful.

  • Jarrod says:

    Thank you for your words. I’ve felt like an outsider all of my life because of my sensitivity and soul. Hearing from other members of the “rarest personality type” is a comfort.

  • Kim Jacobson says:

    I agree with your statement that the world needs more of what we have to offer. But, I don’t know if they understand what we are offering :). I also agree with all my heart that we INFJ’s should connect with each other. I know that we are more comfortable behind our computers when sharing feelings, but I really think meeting others like ourselves would be beneficial. Thank you for your post.

    • Bill says:

      “I don’t know if they understand what we are offering.” Yes, Kim, I believe that’s the reason for repeated disconnects in my relationships. The initial pull is so strong, but what we offer seems to be a novelty for others, one that eventually becomes tiresome and grating to them. The most frustrating part about my relationships, which have been ended by the other person, is that they can’t talk about it, explain it or find the willingness to work things out in any way. It’s just over. 😐

      • jamesfl says:

        My two long term relationships, have ended the same way. Repeatedly I asked if something was wrong, I could feel it, but they said no. Then suddenly from their perspective things were so bad the only solution was to leave me with no chance(from them) of working things out. When in reality our problems were truly not so bad that they were unresolvable. We even went to counseling, but she decided to not go anymore. Very perplexing, I truly have no idea why they ended. The answers I got were vague at best to “It’s to painful to talk about”. No answers just more questions.

        • His is how every single one of my relationships have ended. That’s crazy. 🙁 I was always left feeling uneasy after hanging out or trying to talk. Always left feeling troubled and full of anxiety bc I knew where it was going even if they didn’t say anything.

  • sari says:

    this is really nice, thanks

  • g says:

    I hate being an infj but this is what I am. I wish I were an extravert. I know that I shouldn’t say this because I don’t want other infj’s to feel bad. This is just how I feel at the moment.

    • Don’t worry, it makes sense. Extroversion just sounds so /easy/ doesn’t it? I used to wish that I had introverted feeling instead of extroverted feeling (though I didn’t know the terms back then) and it took me a long time to just accept who I was. Our life it hard. It’s just going to be that way. But we also have some awesome blessings few others get to experience.

  • CMC says:

    Beautiful. Thank you for your honesty and insight.

  • Samantha says:

    thank you for writing this. I have always felt like an outsider and like I didn’t fit in. I have a very hard time expressing how I feel in words because how I feel is complex and not easily described. It’s good to know that there are others who feel this way.

  • Gen says:

    <3 thank you, a nice message for infj's or anyone else to read

  • FR says:

    As a male INFJ, reading this makes me want to jump off a bridge. It’s like I was born to be the perfect girlfriend. Great.

    • Jenn Granneman says:

      Don’t be so hard on yourself. 🙂 You have no idea how many female INFJs or INTJs are looking for the most rare species of all — the male INFJ!

    • Actually we are one of the few personality codes that has a relatively even split between men and women INFJ’s. Don’t let gender stereotypes get you down!

    • No, you were born to be the perfect boyfriend. I’m /aromantic/ and I know that what every girl longs for is a guy who is sensitive and caring! There is someone out there who really, truly needs you. Find her.

  • judith says:

    thank you for sharing
    we truly are awesome individuals
    thanks for encouraging. we do it so often for others. we seldom get it in return

  • This brought me to tears. As a fellow INFJ, thank you, thank you, thank you.

  • William says:

    Great post. I hope you are right that the world needs us much more than we need the world to need us. If you know what i mean. Nonetheless, it is like you said.

  • Annika says:

    Thank you so much. On today of all days… I needed to read this. To remind myself that my unending kindness towards others is not a curse, but a gift. I can continue to give as long as I need to.

  • Kristy says:

    I’m seriously in my bed reading more about INFJs & just crying my eyes out as if someone is opening my soul stirring around all that was unknown/unexplainable/hidden about myself & bringing it to light. Thank you!

  • Siriyaphon N Deborah says:

    Thank you so much!

  • Brooke says:

    Your words have registered with me and explain in great detail how I feel. Thank you for sharing.

  • Paul says:

    Thank you very much. I’ll try to be not so hard on myself everytime. And look for more ways to help this world without being strained so much.

  • Pam says:

    This whole site has been a real blessing to me. Thank you for reaching out to INFJ’s!!! ❤️

  • julia s says:

    This is beautiful ❤ I connected with 100% of the things you said. Honestly with the way I’ve been feeling lately, this almost made me cry it was so wonderful and encouraging to hear ❤ thank you so much ❤ keep doing what you do

    -another 20 something infj

  • Dani says:

    beautiful and absolutely perfect

  • La'Tia says:

    This is beautiful. I needed that.

  • Shanna says:

    I feel like I sometimes try to deaden my sensitivity because it’s so hard being sensitive in world where it’s not always appreciated. The world says, “be tough, be hard, be decisive,” but I just want to be able to be myself without putting on armor all the time. Which is why I often escape to my own inner worlds. Thanks for the article 🙂

  • judy says:

    *tears Thank you, Ill try my best 🙂

  • Phani says:

    Hello Amelia Brown! I am also an INFJ. Though initially I was skeptical (as I am about anything) about complete validity of this personality test, INFJ is the closest anything was able to describe me. I am interested in psychology and work over it. I wrote a book over it and got it published. I too have the same objective to help others. Your article impressed me a lot.
    – another 20 something INFJ

  • worried guy says:

    According to an online test I am an INFJ and majority of the description seems to describe me, except that I am never mistaken as an extrovert. I am very reserved and as a male, I think it is a disadvantage, especially in making friends and finding my significant other. I really do only have a few friends. Sometimes I feel that being sensitive and not tough really makes me feel like I am more like a female. To lack such masculinity and to be reserved makes it really hard to find a partner and I am worried about that. I am going to reach my mid twenties soon and having no idea what the future holds does worry me as I don’t want to end up single! Any guys out there with the same type of personality (reserved etc.)?

    • Hopeful Girl says:

      Dear Worried Guy,

      Even though I’m not a guy, as a fellow INFJ, I feel for you. Being a reserved female is just as much of a disadvantage as being a reserved male. I’m also never mistaken for an extravert. In a culture where the loud and proud get all of the attention, I am seldom the first to get noticed, if I’m noticed at all. I’m in my mid-20s, have few friends, and have only dated a handful of times. The life of an INFJ can be lonely as not many people stick around long enough to peel back the layers of our personality. However, there ARE people out there who will value your sensitivity and treasure your friendship. I know because I’ve met these people. One of them has been my friend for 8 years.

      As for the issue of sensitivity and masculinity, who says a sensitive man can’t be masculine? The way our culture has shaped and defined masculinity really bothers me. We see everything in such black and white terms when it comes to what it means to be masculine or feminine. I’m female and a sensitive person, but does that mean I’m not tough? Of course not. In fact, I would be insulted if someone told me I can’t be both. (As a side note, I don’t care for passivity or aggression. I would venture to say that most girls don’t. A guy who knows how to express himself and can be sensitive to a girl’s feelings is a major turn on and in the long run will create intimacy in a relationship. Trust me–I’ve run into problems in my relationships because the guys I dated didn’t know how to communicate).

      All of that to say: don’t give up hope. You are a rare personality type, but you are not alone. And, being in the same boat as you, I can tell you that being single isn’t the end of the world. There are plenty of people in their twenties who are other personality types who are also single. Someday you’ll cross paths with a girl who will appreciate your depth and sensitivity. She may not completely understand you (cause let’s be honest–INFJs are complex, lol) but that won’t matter because she’ll love you for who you are. Don’t settle for anything less!


      Hopeful Girl

    • As a fellow INFJ male, many of your concerns resonate with me. Looking back, my twenties were a time to learn and accept my INFJ preferences, and eventually discover how to use them to offer my unique strength and gifting to the world.

      Part of masculinity is having the confidence to know who you are and to courageously offer yourself (your gift) to others. Given our complexity and rareness, I believe it takes longer for INFJ guys to develop our masculine essence (greater complexity = longer gestational period; rareness = fewer masculine role models to learn from). However, if we don’t short change our development in order to fit in or due to fears of loneliness, we are able to become “men of steel and velvet,” having inner strength, endurance, and fierceness that is wrapped in gentleness, tenderness, and kindness.

      Use this time to discover your true self and offer that to the world. This is what will make you attractive to a potential partner.

  • Sarah Wood says:

    Oh my goodness, this made me cry. What a beautiful and true piece of writing, which I will bookmark and surely read over and over. What a comfort; thank you.

  • Dee Magson says:

    My dearest, fellow INFJs
    Don’t ever see emotion as a sign of weakness. Out of all the personality types, we are the most likely to make a change in this world – hardly a characteristic of the weak. Society tells us to hold in our tears, to be extroverted and simple. Fortunately, society is not the dictator of wrong or right. Our complexity and emotions make us strong, passionate, wise and kind. So fight the natural urge to not love who you are, it’s okay to want to be better, but let’s stop wanting to be someone else?
    Never change! Only grow.

  • Ashley says:

    Thank you soo much! I needed this! I will definitely be thinking about it all day.

  • Nessia says:

    This letter just made my heart smile! Alas – my people 🙂 I just want to burst into tears knowing there are others like me out there! JOY! THANK YOU SO MUCH for this letter.

  • Sasank says:


  • Ha ha…….. Amelia! Seems like there is no one who understands us better than our fellows in this planet! 🙂 You put down all the principal points amazingly.

  • chica says:

    Brings me to tears. Just when i thought no one would ever understand me. Thank you for this letter.

  • shavena says:

    I feel much better after reading this. I’m caught in the middle between the idea of the world changing me and me changing the world.

  • Well, I’ll echo the sentiments of many others who posted before me, this made me cry, but in a good way. That darn INFJ heart, lol. I agree that we do need to turn some of that kindness we bestow to others on ourselves. We are rare and priceless people. I always am reminded of a silly picture I’ve seen online. A cartoon person is standing before a mirror and the reflection is a unicorn smoking a cigarette. Above the illustration, it says: “When I look in the mirror, I see a unicorn. A bad a** unicorn.” It makes me smile and remind myself that I am indeed a bad a** unicorn. 🙂

  • cynthia says:

    Thank you! This is beautiful! As I wipe my tears, happy to be completely understand tears, I am going to keep working on being kinder to myself. ♡♡♡♡

  • key says:

    you write amazingly beautiful this is the second post I read from you, and I am falling in love with your writing, Nice job! go on I want to read more!

  • alicia says:

    Thank you so much for this! Finally I understand and feel understood to the core of my being. I feel like I can embrace who I truly am. It’s a lovely feeling!

  • CC says:

    I finally understand what my father meant when he said to me: “You see things you don’t recognize.”

  • Cliff says:

    Beautiful. Thank you for the words of encouragement, from a fellow INFJ.

  • Shimmy says:

    Went to bed crying… Woke up still upset… because after 29 years consciously and unconsciously trying to figure out why I felt I was so different and especially seeing it in others eyes and through their words my strangeness I finally understand!

  • Thank you so much for this. This is just beautiful.

  • Jessi says:

    Ahh this is lovely. What a nice reminder to all. Thank you

  • Rachel says:

    I’ve always been called an emotional sponge. I have the added inability to let go of the emotions I store, both mine and from others.
    It’s strange to see me so perfectly summed up. Thankyou for helping me to understand myself.
    I wonderfully enlightening site. I’ll be back.

  • Sarah says:

    This is really beautiful, thank you for sharing! I’m so glad I found this site, seems us INFJs are hard to find 🙂 I love your perspective on keeping our caring and gentle nature even though people say to toughen up. I think we can just learn ways to help our sensitive nature handle emotions and you’re right, be kind to ourselves too <3

  • Rod Haitana says:

    Thank you that’s me all over….so true

  • Sensitive Lady says:

    Thank you so much. This past week I’ve felt more different and sensitive than I ever have in my life. I have always wondered “what’s wrong with me? Why do I always cry at movies, or just because?”
    My emotions always felt like a restless sea washing over me so fast and furious I could never figure them out. Sometimes it feels like I’m swimming underwater and sometimes it feels like I’m drowning.
    To be understood so perfectly and hear, “it’s okay. Be you. Grow, don’t change. You are worth something,” from you and fellow INFJs, fills me with hope. Brings my sore heart to tears, and relief.
    Thank you!

  • Christin says:

    Thank you for this post. I just discovered than I am an INFJ, and I can’t tell you what a relief it is to know that other people in the world not only have similar traits but understand all of the complexities that come with them. It is so nice to not feel alone.

  • Steph says:

    <3 I love this little letter. It's such a revolutionary thing when you realize that you're not alone, there's nothing wrong with you, and you simply are the way you are meant to be. Thank you for your kind and sincere words. xx Much love~

  • thank you so much.
    finally im starting to find out why and who i am and how to deal with that and help others understand also.
    thank you for this, Nikki x

  • Only more recently have I discovered that other people’s minds do not, in fact, work like mine. I always knew I was different, but I hadn’t realized how unusual my level of empathy was. You can imagine how confused this made me feel. The way my whole world works is based on it. I’m pro gay rights because someone gave a scenario where two ladies adopted a child and then split up, and one of them didn’t even have the right to see their child. That was enough to turn my views completely around. The way I act to my friends, my views on how I would deal with someone who was emotionally exhausting but needed me, etc. These were all based on that.
    I should have seen it earlier. After all, they say that giving your life for someone is incredibly brave. That’s not brave for me. That’s easy. That’s… required. Brave is approaching that stranger in a street evangelism. But it still took me a long time, and I’ve had to readjust how I think about people. Even if it is a bit disillusioning, it makes people a whole lot more forgivable. I can understand how people can be callous when they don’t feel other’s emotions the way I do, which is a lot better than when I thought others felt just like I did, and ignored it or something
    Anyway, thank you for this. 🙂 It is very good to feel understood and know that there are others like me.

  • Ceana says:

    HI there, loved your post Amelie, I recently discovered that I am an INFJ and I must say it took me a long while to reconcile to it. It is indeed heartening to know there are more of us out there. One way I have chosen to channel myself is through my profession. I am a Speech Language Pathologist and I work with Children who have Autism. And I must say, it is truly a gift the way I feel connected to them and it helps me understand them in a way that I cannot explain many a times to others. It inspires me so much to try and do justice to help them with their communication skills.

  • Ceana says:

    Thank you for your wonderful post and do keep writing more.All the very best dear.

  • Rae says:

    I was feeling a little silly because reading this made me cry – then I came to the comments and saw I was definitely not alone in my tears! I suppose if I had any doubts about my INFJ status, those doubts are gone now. I can remember being told so many times growing up to “stop being so sensitive!” Like something was wrong with me. I heard it enough that I began to believe something really was wrong with me. Thankfully, as I entered my late twenties and early thirties (I’m now approaching 35), I realized nothing is wrong with me. Emotion and sensitivity are not flaws, they are strengths. Thank you for saying what so many of us need to hear!

  • RaeMarie says:

    My whole entire life, I was convinced I did not belong in this world because I was more sensitive and reflective, often thinking things others simply didn’t think of. This world is so ugly, materialistic and ruthless, constantly trying to make me conform to everything I hate. One thing which gives me comfort is my spirituality because God delivers when people always fail. Anyhow, reading this is a cause of joy for me. What you had to say here is beautiful. At least there are some out there who don’t want me to change.,

  • sarah says:

    Most relatable of all of the introvert articles I’ve read (and 99% of them are super relatable!). The last line though is so perfect I can’t ignore it;

    “Life is never going to be easy for us, but life is never easy for anyone. The best thing we can do is try to make life a little easier for everyone.”

    If every person under every label could accept that simple statement, I think the world would be a better place. Terms and labels were created to help us understand each other, not to to put eachother into boxes and to stereotype. Many are convinced that their struggle is the most important one in existance, but if we all realized that we all struggle, we’d worry less about winning the “worst problem” reward and we would learn to support each other.

  • Chris Sparta says:

    Thank you, Amelia. This is lovely. I bet you helped a lot of people today. This time, your fellow InFJers. Wishing you all the love and understanding you gi
    ve to others.

  • nyspirit54 says:

    Thank you, Amelia, for a wonderful post. I found out I was an INFJ about 12 years ago, and it gave me an understanding into how I function. I also became good friends with another INFJ through an INFJ list, and it’s great to have someone who understands me. Most people don’t understand me or where I’m coming from. The biggest piece of advice I would give to other INFJs is find other INFJs so you can relate to them and they can relate to you.. Being an introvert in an extrovert world is often frowned upon, but the world needs people like us. They may never understand us, but we shouldn’t let that get in the way of giving our great insight, sensitivity and ideas to them.

  • Karthik says:

    Thank you. This helped. You have inspired me.

  • Jenny says:

    Thank you. Really. So much. I wish you knew. Straight to the heart.

  • Oriana says:

    It’s always nice to know I’m not alone. Thank you for those kind words.

  • NAM says:

    I cried reading this. Touché!

  • Thankful says:

    I also cried reading this. Wow. Feeling misunderstood is something many of us seem to share, so thank you for such a beautifully written article that at least made me feel a little more understood. <3

  • olev says:

    As said we may not expect nothing in return after helping people but we do get something in return (i do atleast), the feeling of helping somebody and making them even a bit happier than they were, what is enough for me.

  • angela says:

    Such a beautiful writing. I just found out that I am INFJ and apparently I am not alone! such a relief.
    I will read this over and over. Thank you for writing this, and I am looking forward for your next post

  • Ana says:

    I cried reading this…haha

  • Matthew says:

    Thank you for being so encouraging and understanding…

  • Keep writing and sharing Amelia. I’m a 55 year old INFJ (although prior to an emotional and spiritual transformation which started two years ago I evaluated as an INTJ) who is also a recovering codependent. (You would be amazed at the similarities.) I struggle at times as I try to change my reclusive behavior but what I’ve learned recently is that asking for help has been extremely critical for me. Articles by articulate people like yourself also help!

  • Thank you for this great piece of writing. I have only recently found out I am an INFJ and finally better understand why I often feel the way I do. Its very special to find others similar to me.

  • G says:

    As I was finishing reading the last words of your article, I just could not stop that tear. Thank you for your kind words, it feels good to be understood, and counselled.

  • riza says:

    *tears* found home here. I wanna give us a group hug. <3

  • Joe says:

    Couldn’t have said it better myself as a fellow INFJ 🙂 INFJs don’t make the most masculine of males since we are naturally so sensitive and caring, I don’t think society are evolved enough to socially accept us yet ~

  • faith says:

    honestly, I am not even sure how I stumbled upon this article, but I am glad I did. I didn’t even know there was such a thing as an INFJ. I was not even remotely aware that so many others deal with the same problems as me. I have never read anything more relatable in my life. I literally just cried my eyes out, yet I feel so happy. i am just so amazed and encouraged right now. Thank you so much for sharing this(:

  • Evangeline says:

    Thank you so much!!! Yes it is hard and it’s so nice to hear someone else say it, I’m really glad I stumbled upon this article and thank you for writing it xxx

  • Rachel says:

    Thank you so much for writing this. I have never before felt like someone has understood me so much or understood why I feel the way I do before. This has brought be to tears. I hope this is able to help others in the way that it has helped me. Have hope. We are out there. You will find someone that understands.

  • Michael says:

    I just found out last night that i have an INFJ personality and i can relate to all the things I’ve read so far. For years i always told myself that I’m very good at reading a person and have a lot of empathy towards other people. I married my wife because of empathy and an urge to take care of her due to bad experiences in her life. All the while not thinking of myself and hoping that she would do the same for me. After 24 years of marriage it all became too much for me and decided to leave the very people i love. I always asked myself why is it too hard for her to relate to me. I always had trouble explainings things to her and avoid discussions only to lead to big arguments. This made me very moody and eventually lead to our separation. I can only wish that i stumbled about this a long time ago. Maybe things would have turned out differently. I now have a better understanding why i behave like this and will use all the knowledge i learned to have a much better relationship in the future.

  • Joan says:

    Reading this sweet letter just now. I have always wondered why the heck do I feel like I am wired so differently. It feels better to know that I’m not the only one. And heck it feels great to know that I am unique, we all are. Thanks very much for this encouraging letter, it made a difference. 😉

  • It’s nice to know that you are never alone and that others also share the joy and sorrow brought by this kind of personality. As a male INFJ, sometimes I am having difficult time to deal with others saying that I am too sensitive because I tend to overthink and even cry when I felt that I may have hurt a person or thought that I failed someone. For them, it is not a very manly character and I can understand that. But what they did not know is that that same sensitivity is the reason why I am there for them. That because I know what it feels, I know how to care… And that it is because I care that I know to be sensitive–that I am sensitive. It hurts that people who think and say that to you are sometimes the same people who were comforted by that sensitivity. Another struggle is that others think I help others because they think I have a dark ulterior motive. There are instances were rumors made others avoid me and sometimes alienated me even though they do not know what kind of person I am really am. But despite of that, I can understand them because they also need to be cautious to protect themselves and that implies that even me is not an exception.. As much as I can, I understand others but there are times that I cannot help feeling lonely because I wanted to find a person who will be like me to me. I am sorry for being dramatic. I just feel that I am safe to share this with you because you are my fellow INFJs. 🙂

    The struggle to find someone who can understand us is real. We may feel sometimes that this is a curse because we are often misunderstood. But nonetheless, let’s just do what we are good at: caring… Because the world really needs that. 🙂

    P.S. This open letter uplifted me. Thank you. 🙂

  • Derick Butler says:

    Thank you from Las Vegas, NV

  • Dakota S. says:

    The positive, kind words and motivation have a warm feel to them. I am a lonely INFJ who is always misunderstood and I don’t know any other INFJs. It has been difficult, always being the odd one out but I push forward. I will try to speak kind words to myself even though it is hard. Thank you for inspiring me to be the best INFJ I can be.

  • Keerthi Rao says:

    I just got to know today that I’m an INFJ. I feel happy and proud about it as well as feel bad about it at the same time. I wasn’t even aware that there were more people who feel exactly the same way that I do! Thank you for writing this, it made my day. You are awesome. 🙂

  • jwarrenjr says:

    Thank you for your writing, Amelia. I noted from your bio that you enjoy interacting with animals and wonder if you’ve considered writing an article on the subject? Working with animals is potentially very fulfilling for INFJs, partly because, by empathizing, we tend to click with them.

    • Imagine being a Therapet volunteer, visiting hospital patients with your trained pet. Therapet is even involved in literacy programs. In addition, some INFJs might find training service dogs to be a rewarding career.
    • A therapeutic equestrian center might appeal as a venue where INFJs can both help people with disabilities and work with horses. There is an old saying in the horsemanship community, “The best thing for the inside of a person is the outside of a horse,” which means that grooming and caring for a horse is itself a soul-satisfying activity.
    • Sometimes introverts need to get away, and just need an acceptable excuse. Honeybees in a couple beehives can provide nature’s best sweetener, and the bee yard where you keep them could serve as a fortress of solitude.
    • A “white dove release” business is a profitable way to keep and train all-white homing pigeons, which can be kept unobtrusively in a small aviary in any backyard. White dove releases are popular for ceremonies, such as weddings and sporting events.

    Just a thought. But INFJs working with animals is an angle I haven’t seen explored.

  • Monique C says:

    I’ve been reading a number of INFJ articles on this site and with each one I read I am more and more convinced that this is me. I took the Myers-Briggs test a while ago, but I suppose I just doubted the result. Like honestly, how could I be the rarest personality type but I really am an INFJ to the core.

    This really resonated with me and I had to fight back some tears when I read this “Learn to heal your wounds. Learn to care for yourself the way you care for others. You already know how to speak kindly to others. Speak kind words to yourself. Let the emotional scar tissue remind you that you have fought for your strength.”
    I honestly care more about the well being of everyone else around me before I even consider my own 🙁 it can be such a struggle. Thank you for your awesome post

  • Jen Tyler says:

    Thank you. Of course I cried! 😛

  • Just like all of the previous posts, I relate to this more than you can imagine. The INFJ’s search for someone… ANYONE who understands is so real. That is my search now. I’m trying to get past this crippling loneliness. I feel like an immigrant in a foreign country. I know people see the world the way I do – I’ve just never met them! If you too are looking for someone to connect with – please message me. @sdthiessen

  • pattiwells says:

    this tendency to “slam the door” That’s such a hard one for me. I’m working against my nature right now, and not sure I should. I appreciate this article and feel encouraged. thank you

  • Jennifer says:

    Wow! On the nose!

    “We walk into an environment and the energy affects our own mood greatly. We are exposed, raw nerves in a world that often tries to callous us.”

  • INFP, rhymes with Tree says:

    To all the INFJs out there, I just want to say I appreciate you and you make some of the greatest friends I could ask for. Here’s to hoping I’ll meet some more.

  • Brenden says:

    Thank you so much for this article. As a 17 year old who has no idea who he is, this article has been amazing. I’ve always felt different. Seen the world different. Felt things I’ve never been able to explain such as feeling sad when my best friend is hurting as well. Crying for reasons that I don’t know. It hasn’t been easy and I’ve made more mistakes than I like to admit. But I’m learning and this article and other articles have been a huge help in understanding who I am and what it means to be an INFJ.

  • Diane O says:

    Beautifully written. This really got to me. It’s hard getting through life feeling like such an outsider and that nobody seems to ‘get’ you. I’ve developed such a love/hate relationship with people over the years. I hated how I was made to feel inferior for being sensitive and quiet, yet continuously feeling horrified and depressed over injustice and the cruelty people inflict on each other and animals. Life has always felt like a battle with me being on the defensive, even with my own family. Fortunately I found some solace in art, books, movies, music, nature and animals.

  • Johanna Ljung says:

    I’ve always been a really sensitive person, crying over everything and getting upset for seemingly nothing. It’s very comforting knowing that there are others like me out there, and that I’m not just a crybaby. Thanks a lot for the beautiful article!

  • Vivian Treadwell says:

    This explanation of an INFJ is 100% accurate of me, I love being an INFJ, I love being mysteriously weird to others, thankfully I will never purposely hurt anyone.
    Thank you
    Vivian Treadwell

  • Carolyn says:

    Having a rough day of being misunderstood, this was an article I needed. Thank you for writing this beautiful piece <3
    From a fellow INFJ

  • (“We appear reserved and calm on the surface, when in fact, we have deeply chaotic and rich inner worlds.”)
    Those words struck a cord with me… because I once wrote a poem when I was about 17 that started with the lines “My mind is a peaceful uproar… a rampage in harmony… ” I knew what I meant when I wrote it but after finding out that I am an INFJ it just makes even MORE sense. I feel soooo much… and without an outlet sometimes it can begin to be to much to bare and I’m often left with… lets say, morbid thoughts. But knowing their are people like me out there is VERY comforting. Jeez, I’m tearing up just typing this. Smh.

    Thank you so much for this letter! While reading it I felt as though I was reading a letter that I had written to myself.

  • Being an INFJ can be really overwhelming because everything you experience, you absorb. The horrible internet article you read. The hard time your parents are going through. The rude person at the grocery store. Everything kind of combines until you can’t pick out individual thoughts or emotions, it is all just an overwhelming blur. I find journaling REALLY helps. Also, sleeping in and then having a quiet morning where I’m completely alone and don’t say a word to anyone for at least six hours. Sunday mornings, anyone??? I would not be a functioning human being otherwise!

  • Thank you for this letter. i’m not feeling so lonely anymore, it’s so good to find out that there are people who understand what i think and how i feel. thank you so much <3 (proud to be an INFJ, we are as rare as true hapiness)

  • Amelia, wow. Thank you so much for what you are doing here. I’ve struggled all my life against those parts of my nature that seem ‘wrong’ to the rest of the world. My attempt to repress my own intuition and needs recently led to the loss of two jobs, various relationships I valued, basically my whole identity, and left my marriage teetering on a sharp edge as well. My daily mantra is, “I AM ENOUGH!”. Recognizing that to be true is a large victory. Internalizing it is another. I would love to see more material on how to set emotional boundaries and keep them.
    Thanks again. Stay true!

  • Ruth says:

    Thank you. Just thanks

  • AGR says:

    OHHHHHHHH I cried and laughed at the same time! HAHAHAHAHAHA. It’s really good to know this blog. Thank you so much! Sometimes I wonder why people don’t understand me the way I don’t even understand my own self for helping them, for being with them when they need someone to listen. But I love that. I love to witnessed people, exceed beyond their limitations. So just as like you Ms. Amelia, I want to be an inspiration and I smiled a lot knowing your coffee lover too. hahahahahahahahaha. Thank you so much! We are blessed, highly favored, and deeply loved fellows. <3

  • This letter truly spoke to me. I have felt fatally misunderstood my entire life. My intricate personality has made me feel like an enigma to myself and others for so many years. I’ve had some recent years of conflict in my relationship and life and I think I finally understand why it has effected me so much. I’ve been trying to people please but also trying to protect myself at the same time. And this awkward balance is starting to be a little too much, even for my sensitive self. I’m ecstatic to be starting a new job next Monday. Hoping this new chapter of my life brings new opportunities and new friends! 🙂 Thank you so much for this letter dear, I’m so happy I discovered this website!!! 🙂

  • Jerry says:

    But you got a reply, James. I was just told not to contact my friend or reply to her email–no explanatio9n from her or attempt to work things out. I ws -and ave been-devastated ever since. IthiinkI have been blocked from her email and she doesn’t do Facebook, so I have no way to contact or communicate with her. She has a phone, but, typical of her type, she doesn’t answer it. I leave estates to no avail.
    I must tell you that the interest is NOT passionate love, but true companionship. I am 89 and she is 43–Just likeDick VanDyke and his current wife.
    How do I make amends with this “helpful INFJ” without ca communications source? M-B has classified her as a considerate person. Why can’t we talk?
    I’m confused. If youhave any suggestions for my problem, I’m all ears!!

  • Bobbie says:

    Thank you so much for this, it’s nice to know other people feel the way i do and i am not completely alone in this world <3 <3

  • Courtney Paige says:

    I am so grateful that I found this letter as well as this site. Thank you for sharing your thoughts <3 I do feel less alone.

  • Dana says:

    Your letter brought me to tears. I have struggled with feeling alone most of my life. I am now married with 2 wonderful daughters and do not feel alone anymore. I still struggle with finding meaningful friendships however. I love learning about personality types because it helps to understand that people are just different, and no wonder we (INFJ’s) feel alone, when our personality type is so rare. I can bring myself to tears just thinking about someone suffering. One thing that has helped me tremendously is learning to live in the present moment instead of always analyzing, planning, etc. My Mind is always going over events, analyzing, judging, etc. I have learned to accept what has already happened and try to not judge myself and others. I believe learning to enjoy the present moment without judgement has been life changing for me. The power of now by Eckhart Tolle is the book that helped me with this process, maybe it can help others, which would make me happy? Loved, loved your letter.

  • canadaman says:

    “Life is never going to be easy for us, but life is never easy for
    anyone. The best thing we can do is try to make life a little easier for

    Okay…. while I completely agree; it sure feels like life is a few degrees tougher for us; especially when it’s next to impossible for anyone to understand and try to make life a little easier for us. I feel completely isolated and forgotten from everyone I once called my friend… sure, once a week i might get a random message about something going on; but never to ask how i’m doing, or if i’m okay. I’ve resorted to screaming out and trying to get someone to hear and understand me; but that just seems to have done nothing more but push people away further. I feel exceptionally disconnected even moreso than most INFJ’s; because I am also a surviving twin. I feel like my balance in life was supposed to be him; but if everything happens for a reason; I sure don’t know why I was left to walk alone. I feel all over the map mentally; it is difficult to focus on my own tasks and most of the time I feel like i’m just killing time to get through the day. Little makes me happy anymore, and I really don’t know what to do.

    • Paul R says:

      Sounds like you’re going through depression, which is common among INFJ’s. You have to have realistic expectations of others, something INFJ’s don’t learn until trial and error. If you are INFJ then you are the rarest type, meaning you will be the most misunderstood whether we like it or not. I have a few friends I truly would call friends and without close family members, I would feel pretty isolated which sounds like what you’re feeling. Just because you feel isolation doesn’t mean you’re alone in your struggle. How can you change your situation and make the world a better place? How can you be happy with yourself? How we feel about ourselves is key. – An INFJ Male

  • Paul R says:

    as an INFJ male..thank you