13 Reasons Why Being Married to Another Introvert Is Amazing

IntrovertDear.com introvert marriage

Before my wife and I married, the pastor conducting our premarital counseling cautioned us: “You’re going to have to work hard at getting out and staying involved in the community because you’re both introverts.” He was right — neither of us is a naturally outgoing person, so we really have to force ourselves out of the house, lest we wind up a pair recluses, forever chained to the living room.

But there’s also a lot to love about an introvert-introvert marriage that I never realized before I got hitched. Here are 13 reasons why being married to another introvert is amazing:

1. We value depth. Neither my wife nor I am a big fan of small talk. We prefer to go deep and get to know a few people really well. This past year, we’ve really enjoyed having one friend at a time over for dinner. We take turns asking him questions and finding out what he’s learning, enjoying, fighting, and so forth.

2. We guard our calendar. We both value a balanced calendar, so we intentionally keep our weekends relatively free. That way, we’re not always on the go. Neither one of us constantly drags the other out to social events, which is great (most of the time). Burnout resulting from over-activity is seldom a problem in our introvert-introvert marriage.

3. We appreciate projects. Our “fun” usually entails working on individual projects. I write, and she sews. While we sometimes work nearby each other in the same room, we seldom talk. I doubt this would be the case in an introvert-extrovert relationship: the extrovert partner would have a hard time enduring hours of silence. But in our introvert-introvert relationship, it’s not uncommon for either of us to spend two to five hours straight on a project. We savor the quiet and seeing our creative ideas take shape.

4. We thrive in the zone. Part of the reason we love projects so much is that we thrive in the zone. “The zone” is that laser-focused state that results from a half hour to an hour of uninterrupted work. When an introvert shuts out distractions and zeros in on a task, he can knock out quality work like gangbusters. It’s a great place to be. This is another benefit of our introvert-introvert marriage: We respect each other’s focus most of the time. In some introvert-extrovert marriages I’ve observed, the extrovert spouse regularly interrupts and doesn’t feel bad about doing so, which makes it hard for her introvert partner to do his best work.

5. We define “a good time” the same way. An ideal Friday night is one where we relax at home, preferably with a book. While we like to get out of the house from time to time, we prefer to lay low after a long week so that we can decompress. Then, if we’re feeling up to it, we venture outside – but not until Saturday.

6. We understand the need for silence. We need quiet and rest to recharge each day. So when one of us slips away to another room for privacy, the other understands. Sometimes, we just sit quietly in each other’s presence. If I were married to an extrovert wife, she’d need more stimulation and expect me talk, leave the TV on, and be on the go, which would leave little room for quiet.

7. We give each other time to think. When we’re engaged in conversation, we give one another time to think before speaking (most of the time…). There’s no need to fight for a turn. More often than not, we need someone to say a few more words.

8. We tend to listen. It’s easy to let another person think when you prefer to listen. And listening comes naturally for both of us. That’s a real plus when one of us needs a sounding board or a sympathetic ear. Neither is ever far away.

9. We like to reflect. We’re wired for introspection, it’s true. We automatically replay each day’s events in our heads, analyzing (or over-analyzing) and interpreting them. We know we both do this, so we’re happy to provide each other with other perspectives when we need them most.

10. We’re private. As introverts, we open up slowly and cautiously. Few people know us really well. The beauty of being married to an introvert is that we see sides of each other that no one else will ever see or know. Thus, we share a special bond of intimacy.

11. We support each other’s interests. In the few years that we’ve been married, my wife and I have come to understand how important each other’s interests are. My wife enjoys crafting, and I enjoy writing and music. When one of us wants to invest time and money in a project, the other is generally supportive because we know how energizing a passion can be.

12. We love learning. While this may not be the case for every introvert, it’s definitely true of my wife and I. We love learning. Some of our best times together have been spent watching documentaries, reading books, or attending classes. For us, researching a mutually interesting topic equals fun.

13. Creation speaks to us. We’re lucky to live alongside a rail trail; we use it all the time. We relish the oaks, maples, and tulip poplars, the daffodils and daisies, and the sunrises and sunsets. There’s nothing like a quiet walk together through nature.

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  • Nessie says:

    What you describe Bo is the perfect and ideal marriage for introverts..well at least for me anyway. I’ve always thought that for introverts the ideal partner is another introvert or at least someone who ‘gets’ them and doesn’t ever try to change them or ‘heal’ them. I can’t imagine marrying someone who would try to make me any less introverted or try to ‘heal’ me. It’d be a game over factor pretty soon. I think the only people who really respect and accept introverts as they are, are other introverts lol. Your marriage sounds delightful and with a lot of depth. God bless you both, I hope you remain like this till the end 🙂

    • Bo Miller says:

      It’s definitely nice to be married to someone who appreciates you for who you are. I totally agree, Nessie. Explaining what it’s like to be an introvert to a extroverted spouse is no easy feat. I have, however, seen some pretty cool examples of introvert-extrovert marriages where the extrovert appreciates and recognizes the needs and gifts of the introvert spouse, but that appreciation takes time to develop for sure! Thanks for your kind words!

  • Liz Denehy SB says:

    Wow! You’ve hit the nail on the head here Bo! You have described my own marriage perfectly. I love living with someone who gets my need for silence, reflection, lazy nights in, minimal social events… It sure makes life so much easier.
    Your marriage sounds fabulous! God bless. 🙂

    • Bo Miller says:

      That’s awesome, Liz! Your marriage sounds stellar as well! Thanks, and you too!

  • Carson Hall says:

    My husband and I rarely talk, but we sit together with our bodies always touching in one way or another (usually feet). Our time together is quiet, but we prefer our time together to being with anyone else in the world. I come from a family of extraverts and so I appreciate my time with my hubby. I think being married to an extravert would be nothing short of a nightmare.

    • Bo Miller says:

      That’s great, Carson! I’m happy for you. It’s so nice to live with someone who shares your preferences and has an appreciation for quiet. Thanks for sharing!

      • Anne Wenzel says:

        I have been in a relationship with an introvert for a year and a half. Admittedly it’s been tough. Because I am an extrovert It’s taken me months to understand his needs. It’s only because he tells me how and what he feels that I am beginning to understand him. I’ve always been attracted to reserved men. But I am now beginning to understand that what I love about them also requires a change of attitude and how I deal with them. I have become a much quieter and Silent Partner as a result. Surprisingly I find that I love this way of being with him. I see how he blossoms when given the time to be alone in his thoughts and projects. He Then comes to me ready and willing to please me By doing whatever I want. Touching often replaces words. We sit in bed each reading our own books all the while legs entwined playing footsies.It’s a special language between us.Friends often don’t understand what draws us to each other. It’s hard to explain him and all I can say is that there are things about him that only I as an intimate know,see, and understand. I feel privileged to be in that position. It’s not important to me that others see how wonderful he is.

        • Bo Miller says:

          Good for you, Anne. I’m impressed you were able to adapt your natural style. Sounds like it’s paying dividends in your relationship. 🙂

  • Tafadzwa Moyo says:

    Beautiful. Its a blessing have someone who understands you