This INFJ Is a Hopeless Romantic INFJ hopeless romantic

Hello again, my INFJ friends.

As it is February, I want to talk about love. I love love. I’m a hopeless romantic, though I seldom admit this fact to people. I’m hoping that by sharing this with you, maybe we can find some common INFJ ground on this topic. I want to explore our personality through this lens.

We as INFJs are intense individuals. Our calm and serene persona is a reserve for the swelling ocean of emotions we have underneath. Our Extroverted Feeling (Fe) function often paves the way for remaining calm and supportive for those around us. We feel other’s feelings more easily than our own. We adapt to ensure that the people around us are comforted and cared for. We want to be your safe haven. And, underneath our protective and nurturing ways is a deep, intense love for the people we are close to.

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Our Introverted Intuition (Ni) is our strongest function, and it’s what guides us to the people we love the most. More often than not, I know I am going to be close to certain people before officially meeting them. I sense an energy about certain people that draws me to them. Most of my closest friendships began with an inexplicable connection between us that led to a conversation about how we feel connected by serendipity or the universe. Sounds pretty New Age, huh? Well, that’s an INFJ’s Ni for you.

On that note, I am actually a firm believer in “love at first sight.” The most impactful and meaningful romantic relationships I’ve had began at first sight. I have gotten a feeling about someone and it turns out I was correct that they would be special in my life. Some instances have been more intense than others, but my Ni has guided me to the people I needed in my life in one way or another.

Our personality type is often viewed as mysterious by other people. I have had several instances where people say something along the lines of, “You’re a lot different than I thought you would be.” Regardless of what someone else assumes I am, the common thread is that I do not always show my complete personality. In fact, I only show a small side of it in public. I am an introvert, first and foremost, which means I am often quiet and hesitant to put myself on display. This also applies to dating and love; I am aware that I can be a tough egg to crack. There are so many aspects of who I am that I am slow to share with another person. This doesn’t mean I am aloof or cold to someone I am interested in. On the contrary, I’m still affectionate, but I am slower to warm up than other people might be. I know you can relate when I say I crave a deep connection with someone else, but I want to make sure they are the right person I connect with. Trust must be built before I reveal my innermost self.

Of course, INFJs love people. We are introverts, for sure, but we love people a lot. INFJs are total softies. We are direct and honest, but we are like marshmallows who only want the best for people we care about. I am unapologetic about my tender nature, because I believe my softness is my strength. I aim to love and care for the people I am around every day. Though my sensitivity can sometimes get in my way, I wouldn’t exchange it for anything.

There are people who have wiggled their way into my life who never deserved the attention I paid them. Nevertheless, the love I showed them has little to do with them and everything to do with my capacity for loving others.

INFJs have an enormous capacity to inspire the world in a gentle way. The world is always in need of more love, and I think INFJs are more than equipped to provide it.

Your INFJ friend,



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  • Madlen Arslan says:

    Even though I deny it, I believe I am a true romantic! When I love someone, I truly love them from the core of my heart. But when someone doesn’t live up to my standards or break my trust, I fall apart. I believe that is, in my case, why I don’t show my romantic side so often.

  • RobS says:

    Very interesting article. I’ve always been a hopeless romantic, but I’ve never really attributed this to my being an INFJ. You bring out some good points that really show that connection.

    Your comments about our personality type’s being viewed as “mysterious” struck home too. I have literally had people tell me, “You are very mysterious.” I think to myself, ‘No. I’m kind of boring. I just don’t feel its necessary for me to share every aspect of my life to people I don’t know very well.’

  • SplittingInfinitives says:

    I’am an INFJ and this article is not true for me, it was interesting. I’ve never been a hopeless romantic and don’t believe in love at first sight. I will not get into a relationship primarily based on the emotions I feel about someone at the present time and examine emotions thoroughly. I will not let my emotions lead me into something I’ll regret later on. I act more like an INTJ in most cases when it comes to relationships and push for independence. I will be loyal in the relationship but the partner has to be a good fit ie)Understand my brain.. for me to move into one.

  • Tes says:

    As an INFJ I can relate so much to this! I’ve been told the exact same thing, “you’re not how I expected you to be”. People always think I’m gonna be cold as ice, but I’m as well a hopeless romantic and I believe in these first-sight connections so much, I literally can feel when someone is gonna get along with me and become someone special for me. I’d say what people get surprised the most about me is that I never have any physical contact with anyone until I fall in love or I get a crush. Then I’m the most cuddly person ever and everyone gets very confused! Honestly, it’s great.

  • KS says:

    I am an INFP. Hopeless romantic and love to be unplanned, and go with the flow. I dislike big parties and prefer small dinner parties with people I know. I have had my trust broken and am struggling to trust again. Connection and stimulating conversation is what I look for.

  • Brenda Filan says:

    Perfect words, Amelia.
    I suffer a lot with my sensibility, but I really love be an INFJ and love and help people. ?

  • Natalie Muller (Feejeemermaid says:

    As an INFJ, I find that while the idea of Romance is attractive, in reality, I am often so reserved that very few people dare approach me. My partner is an ENFP and I think he decided I was a challenge worth taking time over, because I certainly needed my partner to make the first move. I was never going to do that. Neither of us do Romance in a typical manner, but we are both very affectionate. I find having someone who takes the time to understand the way I think as an Ni, and who is fine with pacing things according to my much more private rhythms, very romantic.

  • Steven Zawila says:

    “The world is always in need of more love.”

    I love this quote! I’m an INFJ as well and I do believe that there can always be more love in the world!!

  • Roz says:

    I don’t know you but I love you because you get it….