Just because I’m an introvert doesn’t mean I don’t have a tribe. Or that I don’t enjoy spending time with others. In fact, I don’t think I could make it through some days without my tribe of mom friends.
We have each others’ backs when the toddler is eating the cheerios out of the box at the grocery store, we text each other after tantrum number 23, and we console each other when the baby hasn’t napped all day.
We can’t do it alone. Even us fiercely independent introverts.
Personally, I didn’t even identify strongly as an introvert until I was a mum. There was something about having a baby that made me want to climb into my closet and hibernate for a few years.
But having a small group of friends that I can rely on in tough times — and who understand me and my introverted ways — makes my life so much richer.
It hasn’t always been easy making friends though. And as introverts, starting new friendships can sometimes be a struggle. To those who don’t know us well, we may seem rude, cold, or distant because we don’t bubble over with pleasantries the way some extroverts do. Others may assume our quietness equates to shyness, so they “spare us” the pain of conversation.
If you’re having trouble finding your mom tribe, then you might want to try some of these ideas for connecting with other moms and making valued friendships.
How to Find Your Mom Tribe
1. New baby groups
With your firstborn, you will likely attend some sort of antenatal class. This is the perfect place to meet other moms. My antenatal class of nine years still meets up and several of us have formed life-long friendships.
By the time I had my second child, almost five years later, we had moved cities and there are no antenatal classes for number two! I was lucky to get involved in a post-baby group run in our community. Again, I met moms here that five years later I count as some of my best friends.
Bigger groups like these can be daunting and anxiety-provoking for us introverts, so go slow and start by trying to connect with just one other mom. There’s no rule that says you have to be friends with the entire group.
2. Fitness classes
As an introvert, I’m drawn more to individual sports like running and triathlon, and have never been much of a gym-goer. But as a new mom, it can be really hard to get back into a fitness routine after baby. I couldn’t just hop on my bike or in the pool like I used to.
When I had my firstborn, my local gym offered “Buggy-fit” classes. These classes were designed to enable new moms to attend with their baby, negating the need for a babysitter, and routines were designed so that strollers were included in the cardio portion. Baby lulled to sleep, moms able to sweat and chat with other moms! Perfect.
A group fitness class might not be right for every introvert, but it was right for me in small doses. Don’t feel that you need to connect with everyone attending the class, but keep your “radar” active (see point four below). Who knows, you might only connect with one other mom, but it might be a lifelong soul connection.
3. Facebook groups
Don’t underestimate the power of online friendships. As introverts, online friendships provide a safe space to get to know people, without the added pressures or expectations when that person lives in close physical proximity. It can be easier to honor our boundaries and needs as introverts in an online friendship.
Facebook groups are a great way to connect with like-minded people. A quick search for “introverted moms” found a list of such groups, including The Introverted Mom’s Club (which I belong to), Introvert Moms, and the even more specific Introverted, Homeschooling Christian Moms Bookclub!
4. Turn your tribe “radar” on
Okay, this one is a bit hard to define but stick with me. As an introvert, I often shy away from meeting new people, but I usually get a sort of sixth sense — which I like to call my “tribe radar” — when I do. I usually know when to extend myself that little bit extra.
A few years ago, I volunteered on a school class trip. The trip involved walking about thirty 5-year-olds through a beautiful beach reserve. I had come prepared with my to-go coffee. Another mom wasn’t as prepared. We bonded over our coffee love and within a few minutes of talking, I knew I needed this woman in my life. Our kids weren’t even friends!
Three years later and she is one of my besties, and I affectionately call her my soul sister. I’m not sure if this would have been the case if I’d not been so in-tune that day. Sometimes (and maybe this is more true for us highly sensitive introverts) you just get that “feeling” when you meet someone new.
Even as introverts, we aren’t made to do life alone. Our lives are richer and more meaningful when we connect with others. If you haven’t found your mom tribe yet, I hope there’s something small you can do this week that will help you do just that.
And if you are lucky enough to already have a mom tribe, can I ask you a favor? Watch out for other introverted moms and keep your “radar” switched on. She might not have her own tribe, or even any friends. Give her a smile, offer a coffee. You never know where you might find your next soul sister.
You might like:
- 15 Things You Should Never Do to Your Introverted Child
- If You Beat Yourself Up for Being an Introverted Mom, Read This
- 7 Tips for Introverts to Make High-Quality Friendships
- 13 ‘Rules’ for Being Friends With an Introvert
- 10 Signs That Your Baby or Toddler Is an Introvert
Did you enjoy this article? Sign up for our newsletters to get more stories like this.