Help! How Do I Talk to Girls?

Ask an IntrovertQ: I live in Indonesia, I’m 22 years old, and I’m an introvert. I really need your advice.

How do I approach a girl? I have never had a girlfriend, and now I think I like a girl who goes to college with me, but I do not even know her name yet. I really do not have any confidence to ask her directly.

Help me please! ~Achmad

A: The biggest piece of advice I can give you about approaching a girl (especially if this is new for you) is that everyone feels nervous and anxious in your position! My guess is that if you were to talk with this girl, she would feel the same way. We all have fears and insecurities, but remember you have a lot to offer. All of us, even those of us who might feel shy or awkward, bring the gift of ourselves to every interaction we have.

I would recommend approaching her in conversation regarding your shared academic program. This will give you a chance to get to know more about her personality, and you will be talking about things you likely feel comfortable with. A study date or attending a lecture on campus could be another great way to spend time getting to know her. Most introverts prefer meeting with people in quieter settings, so pick a place where you feel comfortable.

If you make the effort to reach out to this girl, you likely won’t regret it. Even if it doesn’t lead anywhere, you can view it as great practice for the next time around.

Good luck, and keep us at I, D posted!

You’ve got questions. We’ve got answers. Email your questions about love, relationships, and introversion/high sensitivity to We’ll only publish your first name, so go ahead, ask the embarrassing stuff.

    1 Comment

    • elwi says:

      Hi. I’m a guy who’s introverted like you.
      kind of baffle me to find out a 22 yo guy has never been in a relationship.
      I just want to add a little advice mrs.amy has shared to all of us.
      I’m an ISTJ and when I have affection to a girl I just do ultra intense eye contacts to my crush because I tend to over think too much possibilities until I don’t even know what to do that leads myself to the awkward situation.
      as you know we hate small talk so much. but that’s the main point that we can approach someone.
      you need to stop wondering about everything that related to her.
      prepare your guts to despise all the negative thoughts running in your head.
      make the chance to get into her circle and when you made it stop thinking about what to talk just talk and the words will come out of your mouth naturally even it’s not something necessary.
      and if you pass the small talk phase try to rethink what you’ve been wondered to be asked to her to know the answer directly from her.

      that’s how I approach girl after countless failures 😀
      hope this be helpful for you.
      but that’s just the theory and theory is just a waste if you never practically do it.