How I started listening to my intuition and choosing better relationships

Image Credit: aNdikapatRya

INFJs are often thought of as beings that can see things other people can’t, hear the words that aren’t actually said, and above all just know when something is amiss. Yet this doesn’t mean that this heightened sense of consciousness and empathy does not go unused from time to time.

If you’re an INFJ, I bet you can think of times when you’ve been left exhausted by social events, loud music, and a crowded room of strangers. It isn’t where I shine for sure. I’d much rather spend my time with a few loved ones sipping a cold drink in the quiet of my backyard garden porch. While both gatherings are quite different, in reality, both can be very similar for the INFJ.

Have you ever had a friend or possibly a romantic partner who would exhaust you to the point where you could not fathom the energy to articulate your thoughts to even yourself? I’ve experienced this, and I do not believe I was truly right for this person. Looking back, I was too passive with my intuition, and I allowed myself to ignore it.

The guy I was dating was not the match for me. He was fairly attractive and his personality was eccentric to say the least. He pursued me and I found this odd. To be perfectly honest, I’d never had this happen to me, and I couldn’t bring myself to hurt his feelings. Yet every time we met, I would leave exhausted beyond comprehension.

This exhaustion manifested itself in my daily life and even my mindset. I felt like I was being defeated by life, even though seemingly nothing had changed for a long time.

Eventually I cut him off. It hurt seeing his reaction, as he was obviously interested in me more so than I was him. However, I couldn’t bring myself to continue stringing him along, and I felt it was the fair thing to do. Not immediately, but every day I went on without the interaction of this person, I felt more energetic, and I was getting back to being myself.

Even though there was nothing wrong with this guy on the surface, he was obviously not right for me, and I’m certainly better off without him in my life. I believe the tiredness and extreme mental drain that I sustained from this person was my intuition’s way of telling me to “get out!”

Quite the opposite story has taken place in my life, too. Many of my friends exhaust me after elongated periods of time spent together, nowhere close to my previously mentioned guy, however. Yet, there is one friend I can depend on to lighten my mood, add to me what I’m lacking, and cheer me up if I’m down. I’ve come to realize this friend is my best friend.

Just as relationships and social situations can drain energy from the INFJ, so too can they gift energy in a seemingly paradoxical fashion. I do not claim to know exactly why this is the case, however, I do wholeheartedly claim to understand this feeling in its entirety.

I’ve spent months on end with my best friend, and she’s been able to not only keep me going through the day, but I want to keep seeing her into the next. All tiredness and mental strain are for some reason nonexistent. I could never even think of a world where my best friend wasn’t there to keep me sane and reassure me I’m going to be alright.

How can INFJs make their intuition clearer?

  • Pay attention to yourself first. Listening to the way others make you feel and acting upon your own needs is not always selfish. It may be hard for you to walk away from someone who is a bad influence on your mental health, however in the end, you’ll feel better for it and you’ll waste less of your potential partner or friend’s time. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting cutting everybody off who exhausts you, but if there is an apparent theme of exhaustion, you should consider seeing them less and giving yourself time to think. Without that person in the picture, your intuition will be easier to hear.
  • Speak to someone. If possible, speak to somebody you wholeheartedly trust. Hopefully they can empathize with you and potentially assist you in finding a solution or change your perception and push you back on the right track.
  • Listen to music. I’ve had more epiphanies while listening to music than I can count. By listening to music I mean really listen, hear every hook, verse, lyric, harmony, expression, and emotion. I relate to music more than any other art, and I can often make connections between my own struggles and the lyrics and emotion of the music.
  • Freewrite. INFJs in particular are fond of literature. Often they are accomplished writers, and they’re able to write about their deepest feelings even when they can’t articulate them verbally. Freewriting allows the INFJ to get out their thoughts without thinking too hard about it. Writing can bring issues forward that were previously unencountered. Just write what is on your mind and see where it goes. Nobody is going to read it, so the important thing is to write your thoughts and feelings without focusing on wording or grammar. It’s the thoughts that are important!

Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom. ~ Aristotle

Image credit: aNdikaptaRya


    4 Comments

    • Simi says:

      I think INFP and INFJ are very much alike, right? I could relate to this and sometimes get INFJ

    • kljh92 says:

      This is so true. I was dating a girl for three months. I an INFP and she was a ES. Though she was really physically attractive and had really good qualities (good baker, great character,loved animals etc) and we had so much in common, I was unable to connect with her on such a level, so much so that I felt terrible exhausted after physical dates with her. My intuition was screaming to me to get out of it, and even manifested with somatic symptoms of headache, fatigue and body aches each time I went against it. I was probably blinded by her physical traits and how such a person would look really good as a girlfriend on paper.

      Cutting the long story short, the mismatch was too painful and draining for my body to handle and I had no choice but to break it off with her. Thereafter I felt like I returned to my original peaceful state of being. Great learning lesson for me to always trust my intuion.

    • Those last two suggestions about music and writing have always held true for me. And I once dated someone who was extroverted, creative, and wonderful, but her energy and her moods were usually exhausting and we didn’t last that long. Between online dating and living the single life, I’m working on fine-tuning my intuition.

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