I live within
After spending many years around groups of people, I began feeling as drained as the Energizer Bunny on empty. At 22-years-old, the all too familiar question of who am I? stirred in my mind without a clear answer in sight.
Why did I always want to rush home to be alone?
Why did I need space to recharge my battery so often?
Why did I feel so alone in a crowd of people?
What planet am I from?
It was that tenacious, profound, and lingering feeling of not being like other people that led to chaotic magnificence.
It’s not easy walking in two worlds at once. I began distancing myself from humans and facing the true colors of my being. At times, I felt as if I belonged right alongside Angelina Jolie in Girl Interrupted. At other times, I felt as if I was Dorothy following the yellow brick road.
Despite the inner turmoil, I made the decision to begin practicing yoga. The words hatha, vinyasa, and ashtanga were absolutely foreign to me. I went in and swung my body around like Tarzan. But as I began to magically jump from tree to tree over time, I was revealing roots that have been buried inside a little lady who could stretch her body like Gumby.
I liked the quietness of yoga. I liked the stillness. I liked being able to feel my breath nourishing my being. As I began to release energetic tension stored in my body, I awakened a profound depth of internal comfort. From then on, solitude has become the nature I prefer.
As an introvert and an INFJ personality type, I have learned that too much external stimulation saps my energy. I enjoy fascinating minds, but being around groups of people socializing absolutely exhausts me.
I think about life differently. I have a heightened sensitivity to environments. And no, I do not suffer from agoraphobia.
The beauty of crafting words awes me, and the journals in which I share my internal equanimity are my best friends. Who knows, I could be Anne Frank reincarnated.
It’s my favorite time of day when I get to close my eyes, open my heart, stop looking, stop hearing, and start feeling. I’m living in this magical place of mind.
In solitude, I have rediscovered who I am and what I want out of life. I am marvelously made. I have discovered an enchanting place within where colors are luminous and energetic freedom lives.
The comfort of reclusion, the poetry of hibernation.
Marcul Proust
Image Credit: Rona Keller
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