I'm an INFJ Personality Type, and That Makes Me a Hopeless Romantic

Hello again, my INFJ friends.

As it is February, I want to talk about love. I love love. I’m a hopeless romantic, though I seldom admit this fact to people. I’m hoping that by sharing this with you, maybe we can find some common INFJ ground on this topic. I want to explore our personality through this lens.

We as INFJs are intense individuals. Our calm and serene persona is a reserve for the swelling ocean of emotions we have underneath. Our Extroverted Feeling (Fe) function often paves the way for remaining calm and supportive for those around us. We feel other’s feelings more easily than our own. We adapt to ensure that the people around us are comforted and cared for. We want to be your safe haven. And, underneath our protective and nurturing ways is a deep, intense love for the people we are close to.

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Our Introverted Intuition (Ni) is our strongest function, and it’s what guides us to the people we love the most. More often than not, I know I am going to be close to certain people before officially meeting them. I sense an energy about certain people that draws me to them. Most of my closest friendships began with an inexplicable connection between us that led to a conversation about how we feel connected by serendipity or the universe. Sounds pretty New Age, huh? Well, that’s an INFJ’s Ni for you.

On that note, I am actually a firm believer in “love at first sight.” The most impactful and meaningful romantic relationships I’ve had began at first sight. I have gotten a feeling about someone and it turns out I was correct that they would be special in my life. Some instances have been more intense than others, but my Ni has guided me to the people I needed in my life in one way or another.

Our personality type is often viewed as mysterious by other people. I have had several instances where people say something along the lines of, “You’re a lot different than I thought you would be.” Regardless of what someone else assumes I am, the common thread is that I do not always show my complete personality. In fact, I only show a small side of it in public. I am an introvert, first and foremost, which means I am often quiet and hesitant to put myself on display. This also applies to dating and love; I am aware that I can be a tough egg to crack. There are so many aspects of who I am that I am slow to share with another person. This doesn’t mean I am aloof or cold to someone I am interested in. On the contrary, I’m still affectionate, but I am slower to warm up than other people might be. I know you can relate when I say I crave a deep connection with someone else, but I want to make sure they are the right person I connect with. Trust must be built before I reveal my innermost self.

Of course, INFJs love people. We are introverts, for sure, but we love people a lot. INFJs are total softies. We are direct and honest, but we are like marshmallows who only want the best for people we care about. I am unapologetic about my tender nature, because I believe my softness is my strength. I aim to love and care for the people I am around every day. Though my sensitivity can sometimes get in my way, I wouldn’t exchange it for anything.

There are people who have wiggled their way into my life who never deserved the attention I paid them. Nevertheless, the love I showed them has little to do with them and everything to do with my capacity for loving others.

INFJs have an enormous capacity to inspire the world in a gentle way. The world is always in need of more love, and I think INFJs are more than equipped to provide it.