5 Highly Compatible Romantic Matches for the INFJ Personality Type

INFJ-romantic-matches

Any time I read an article about INFJs and relationships, it seems to repeat the same advice: our “ideal” match is the ENTP personality type. Then there is almost always a statement about how any two personality types can make a relationship work if they try hard enough. For instance, an INFJ can date any personality type–even an ESTP, our complete opposite–and it can be successful if the INFJ and their partner want the relationship to work.

Of course, this sentiment is true. Many INFJs have happy relationships with a variety of personality types. However, I think it’s also important to highlight that some types are more compatible with INFJs than others. INFJs seek specific qualities from partners and friends. We value intelligence, honesty, authenticity, creativity, passion, and kindness. Of course, there are other qualities we look for, but that depends greatly on the individual INFJ.


This article is based on my own personal experience as an INFJ and the relationships I have formed with other Myers-Briggs personality types. This information may not apply to every INFJ, or the other personality types I have described below, but it is based on the patterns of behavior I have observed in my lifetime. I am hoping that through this article, I can provide a little insight into how INFJs feel about other personality types.

Extroverts

Let’s begin with extroverts. Extroverts are exciting and stimulating to be around. INFJs are often mistaken for extroverts, as we are incredibly interested in people and forming relationships with them. Extroverts allow us the socialization that we crave and they push us outside of our comfort zone from time to time. Most of my closest relationships have been with extroverts, because we balance each other in a complementary way. I love that they are always willing to spend time with me. Some extroverted personality types are less social than others, and these are the ones I mesh with the best. They are social and talkative, but they also respect my need for quiet and calm environments.

In my experience as an INFJ, extroverted types that I get along well with include the following:

ENFP (“The Inspirer”)

The ENFPs I have known are full of life. What I love most about them is that they are truly free spirited. They bring out the aspects of my personality that are also free thinking, independent, and creative. Due to their magnificent intuitive abilities, ENFPs know when and how to approach more reserved personalities. They are sensitive to social situations and love connecting with all types of people. ENFPs make life a little brighter for everyone they encounter.


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ENFJ (“The Giver”)

Most of my closest friends are ENFJs. I’m not kidding. It’s like we are somehow magnetically drawn to each other. We are equally passionate and concerned about similar issues, but we go about our passions in different ways. ENFJs have, for lack of a better term, strong personalities. The ENFJs I have known are incredibly passionate people. INFJs have strong convictions, but those convictions are not on display for the world to see. I believe that ENFJs and INFJs get along well because we both care deeply and strive to make the world a better place.

Overall, I think extroverts make life exciting for INFJs. Some incredibly extroverted types may be taxing on an INFJ’s quiet nature, but those are the types we learn to enjoy in smaller doses. For all of you extroverts out there with an INFJ friend or loved one, please keep in mind that we value our solitude. We may require a lot more alone time than you can comprehend. It is best to give us our space and to not take it personally. We will come back to you when we’re ready and we will be energized for whatever adventure you have in mind.


Introverts

I think the most glaringly obvious advantage to having a relationship with an introvert is that they understand our need for solitude. It is comforting beyond words when another person understands your quiet moments and does not question you when you are lost in thought. I have befriended several introvert personality types in my lifetime. These are the friends that meet me at a coffee shop, or lounge around watching movies or reading all day. There is very little energy exerted when I am with other introverts. In fact, some of them give me more energy.

In my experience as an INFJ, other introverted types that I get along with well include the following:

INTJ (“The Scientist”)

Ah, the INTJ. There isn’t another introverted personality type that I am hopelessly drawn to more than this one. They are quick-witted, intelligent, and decisive. They do not let emotions stand in their way and rely on logic above all else. This is precisely how we are different and also why I value their personality so much. INFJs are known to get caught up in daydreaming, so it’s refreshing to be around a personality that is more grounded in logic. Some may view their lack of emotion to be cold or distant, but when viewed from a different perspective, they are actually very loving and thoughtful people.

INFP (“The Idealist”)

INFPs and INFJs may just have one letter different in their acronyms, but we are quite different personality types. The INFPs in my life can drive me a little up the wall with their lack of planning and punctuality (mundane tasks bore them), but all in all, I admire them. INFPs are bright and beautiful people to be around. Forever the ultimate idealists, they see things through rose-colored glasses. They remain optimistic and value harmony in their relationships. Just like an INFJ, INFPs can be difficult to get to know. They are reserved with their thoughts and feelings, but this does not mean that they do not care. They care deeply, especially about the people they are close to and the things they are passionate about. They are creative people with a depth of insight. I hope every INFJ gets to know at least one INFP in their lifetime. The INFPs that I know have changed my life.




INTP (“The Logician”)

In the world of personality theory, the INTP and INFJ pairing has been nicknamed “The Golden Pair” because these two types can be highly compatible. Personally, I have only known one INTP (that I’m aware of). This person played a significant role in my life. When we met, we immediately felt comfortable together, and I felt understood for the first time in my life. Though the INTP focuses mostly on logic and the INFJ primarily on emotion, I would say these two types are a great match as they keep each other balanced. INTPs seek information at all times, and they are very much in their heads, like INFJs. The INFJ loves the INTP’s logical approach while the INTP appreciates the INFJ’s naturally mysterious disposition. INTPs can grow bored easily, but the INFJ’s willingness to communicate and question things keeps them intrigued.

(Honorary mention goes to other INFJs! We get along with one another almost seamlessly. I love meeting other INFJs. You inspire me.)

So, any two personality types can absolutely make a relationship work. I hope this overview of other Myers-Briggs types from an INFJ’s perspective shed some light on what we gravitate toward and how these other types impact an INFJ’s life.

If you’re an INFJ reading this, which personality types are you most drawn to? Do you prefer spending time with introverts or extroverts? Any personality type patterns you have noticed? Leave a comment below or post about it on the community forum. retina_favicon1

Read this: An Open Letter to Single INFJs


Intuitives see the world differently. They aren’t interested in the mundane or day-to-day. They ask, “What if?” They want to create, heal, inspire, or invent. They want to change the world. Only one in four people are intuitive. Are you one of them? Learn more about our partner Personality Hacker’s course just for intuitives.




26 Comments

  • I’m a female INFJ currently dating a male ISFJ (“The Protector”), and I love the pairing! We both share the social connection of extraverted feeling, and the precision/analysis factor of introverted thinking. We enjoy being around people, but easily delve into deeper discussion when we’re one-on-one, or can stand in complete silence for a long time. As personalities that are both sensitive to other’s feelings, it’s nice to have that trait reciprocated. He feels nurtured enough to open up with his thoughts, and I feel safe enough to share mine. He’s extremely dependable, and I’m extremely thankful. Even the descriptors make sense–the Counselor gets a Protector, and vice versa.

  • Susan says:

    I am an INFJ married to an INTJ. Most of my closest friends are also introverts.

  • Stephanie says:

    Excellent article! I like that you emphasized that preferences vary from person-to-person, but I definitely agreed with a few of these as a fellow INFJ. My former best friend was an ENFP and we meshed rather well on several counts, but she had trouble respecting my more structured personality and my need for more calm environments. She did get me out of my comfort zone, however, and I appreciated that. My current best friend is an INFP and we relate on our desire to always be learning and helping others – we are both also passionate about creating a full life and are always seeking answers. My little sister (eight years younger) is an INTP, and she balances me so well! Where I deeply feel things, she is able to sympathize yet also be logical in her thought process. Whereas I am able to help her be more in-tune with her emotions.

  • Grace says:

    I’m an INFJ married to an INTP, so I laughed when I read that this is the “golden pair.” I do think we balance each other well, but we certainly have to work at our relationship as well. Just as you said, it varies person to person, and every relationship, no matter the types, requires effort.

  • Raven says:

    I’m an INFJ and I married an ISTP. His level-headed, logical ways help keep my crazy up and down emotions in check, and in turn, I help encourage him to express feelings about things. It’s freaking amazing. 10 years of marriage so far, all happy and loving. I disagree with this article (and many others about this issue) about us INFJ’s (or any introverts, usually) being attracted to extroverts. I cannot STAND extroverts. I don’t want them as friends OR as romantic interests.

  • Becky says:

    I’m an INFJ dating an INFJ, and it’s heavenly! We can communicate well without even speaking and respect and understand each other’s emotional needs. Couldn’t be happier. 🙂

  • Nikki says:

    I’ve been with my amazing INTP for 7 years and he really is the Yin to my Yang!

  • Greenmoon says:

    INFJ Cancerian introvert and single. Loved reading your article. I’ll endeavor to connect with some of the above suggestions and see how things go.

    cheers 🙂
    Rodney K. Haitana

  • w.kier says:

    I am an INFJ married four years and still madly in love with an INFP. I had to chuckle when you said that their “lack of planning and punctuality” can drive you up the wall a little, as I have had to deal with that… still the reverse is true for her. And all in all, the INFP is one of the most remarkably beautiful types I have ever met. Her depth, genuinity, and investment in people has changed my life in ways I never expected nor knew was possible.

  • Marcus says:

    I’d like to point out that as an INFJ majoring in physics things can get a little tense around INTPs. I, personally, find them annoying when they use Ti way faster than me, leaving me behind. They can really struggle to catch me up or explain things I don’t yet understand. My INTP lecturer puts so many equations and stuff on the screen I don’t know what I should be looking at. Also, if an ENTJ is lecturing, there’s no hope for anyone else to understand the content but the INTPs and ISTPs in the room.

    In essence, INTPs are in their heads so much that it’s difficult to collaborate with them in a working environment.

  • Marcus says:

    Also, I really enjoy ISFJs. One of my closest friends is one, I was actually strongly attracted to her for years until she found an ESTP.

  • Of the people I’ve dated, I’ve gotten to form connections with both an ENFP girl and a fellow INFJ. The ENFP girl was definitely cute and bubbly, who brought me out of my shell with cuddling and a passion for art. But her lack of structure and punctuality did drive me up a wall, even if not all ENFPs are that way. And my time with an INFJ girlfriend was short but wonderful, as we meshed well on shared interests like music and TV shows, and we communicated all the time before she suddenly dropped all contact. And for the record, my dad’s sisters are ENFJ and INFP respectively, which explains why we’ve always gotten along so well.

  • I agree that it’s individual, but I often suggest that INFJ’s I work with (I’m an INFJ) consider looking for SJ’s- for their grounding, practicality, consistency and attention to details- vs my vision & living in the grey areas. My husband is an ISTJ, and after 11 years, he remains my kite string- keeping me connected when I get lost in my head. Fortuntely he’s also an Introvert so he respects my need to recharge. We actually now laugh when he believes he told me something, and I reply- “was that something you said to me in one of the conversations you have with me in your head?” (ie nod to his introversion and processing). As an ISTJ- he is driven by responsibility and to take care of family..As an INFJ I’m driven by meaning and relationships.
    For me, ENFJ’s and ESFP’s are forces of nature. I love to watch them in action, but they are typically draining for me. I generally prefer companionship with Introverts. Whatever the relationship is- friendship or intimate- it all comes down to the efforts we make to communicate about the differences and appreciate the strengths the different Temperament brings to the relationship.

  • Michael K says:

    Great article. I’m an INTJ married to an INFJ. Trust me, we are just as hopelessly drawn to your type. Every relationship requires work but we have similar core values. Our skill sets balance each other out, and when we work as a team we can be scarily effective. I could not be happier.

  • Heidi says:

    I am an INFJ and really enjoy many personality types! My ESFJ male friend is one of my favorites. And my ENFP girlfriend is a blast! They both respect my reclusive moods, and can also get me out to explore the possibilities more too:)

  • Ryan says:

    Hey. Good ideas but from my experience, the best relationships for the INFJ would be INFJ, ENFJ, INTP AND ESTP and ESFP.

    If you’re wondering why, you might want to look up socionics. Personally, my good friend who is an INFJ is in a really good relationship with an ESFP

  • Im an INFJ and constantly got paired up with INTJs, who I now avoid like the plague. While I love their interests, not one of them didnt try to change me via criticism into someone “better”. Im pretty sure you know, before I write it, how that made me feel. However most mates have tried to change me int a better person. So, it may be my issue- that I am somehow drawn to others who think I need to change once they know me.
    It’s been too exhausting for me to keep caring about being paired up anymore.

    • Sonette Swanepoel says:

      Hello 🙂
      I think that you may have difficulty accepting your own nature, thus you attract people who mirror to you what you already feel. I used to do that too, not realising that as an INFJ I am a gift and not a burden.
      Making peace with and embracing with yourself will set you up for success in all aspects.
      Take care 🙂

  • What about ENTP? They are supposed to be our best match?

    • Genesis says:

      I am an INFJ and I get along well with pretty much anyone. My best friends have been both introverts and extroverts, but each has its disadvantages. My favorite extroverted types are ENFPs, ENTPs (they do get annoying at times lol), and ESTPs. My favorite introverted types are INFPs (love them), INTPs, ISTPs (also a little annoying XD) and of course INFJs.
      But I love all the types 😀

  • Joanys says:

    I’m an INFJ.
    I must say that the article is very accurate. I know I can get along with any personality type (interacting in small doses with some, like it is mentioned), but the people I’ve been most drawn into in my life are the types mentioned here.
    My sister is an ENTP and even though we perceive things in different ways, we understand each other well and have a strong relationship. We are like partners in crime at home.
    My best friend is an ENFP, with whom I have a similar relationship as my sister, but he understands the importance and influence of the emotional aspect of my personna.
    Also, I have always admired one of my older brothers, who is an INTJ, and we have found to be very similar regarding our personalities, needs, interests and visions. I’ve always felt like there was a weird connection between us.
    Two of my other friends are INFP and INTP.

  • Anne says:

    I would LOVE to read an article about INFJ+ENFJ relationship: it’s very hard to find information of that combination on the web. I’m an INFJ and my boyfriend is an ENFJ: we’ve been together for almost 6 years now, 5 of them living together, and I must say I had never felt so comfortable with someone until I met him. I instinctively (and unconsciously) knew I could trust him, and be my true self around him… Our relationship is intense and full of emotion. We share the same values and vision of life. Of course there are some troubles too: as well as we share perspectives and visions, we can share also bad perspectives and bad visions. I mean, for instance, it’s easy that we get “trapped” in each other emotions: we want to help the other so badly, that we absorb their problems and that’s not helpful. But what I like the most about us is that we are like a team: he makes me grow, and I make him grow. We grow together and we work everyday to build a strong relationship: and I’ve always felt that, no matter how different we may be, we would be there for each other, and we would understand and support each other. There hasn’t been one day in these 6 years that I haven’t felt that way: respected, loved, cared for, safe… understood. Sure we’ve had our differences and our moments of doubt, but we’ve worked together and we’ve grown through them. I don’t know, I love him and that makes me want to be the best version of myself 🙂

  • Beautiful post!

    I am an ENFJ currently with an INFJ man. There is a beautiful, unspoken dynamic that grows throughout our friendship which eventually became a meaningful relationship we could ever ask for. We see the world very similarly in different energies, we agree even when we disagree, and we fulfill each other’s needs without the other one asking because we already intuitively know. Even if it this didn’t work out, I’d know that this is still going to be my life long partner in different ways either as a friend or a mentor.

    Advice for ENFJ, be patient with the INFJ because once they give you their time and trust they will almost never give it back. That is why they take their time. Understand they have their layers that you must grow into because there is a very precious core underneath.

    I am public relations studies major and he is pre-med. Makes sense for our personality right? We are constantly learning and perfecting each other. I only hope that everyone can experience a love like this, if not ever than at least once in their life.

  • Ctay says:

    I’m an INFJ that has been in a relationship with my INFP boyfriend for almost 4 years now. We are very similar in many ways and I love that we are both introverted. We can sit in the same room for hours, not say a word and it is completely comfortable. There are times where communication is an issue since we are both in our heads a lot, but it is something that we are both aware of. He is extremely caring!
    I agree with this article and think that there are many pros to relationships with all of the personality types listed. I would also like to add that I think that gender has a lot to do with it as well.

  • DS says:

    INFJ in love with my INTP. Instant chemistry. Honesty.

  • Lilium says:

    I am an INFJ and I am engaged to an INTJ man. For me it is all I could ever ask for. I feel that his thinking charasteristic completes me and vice versa. Although I can almost equal his logic and insightfulness, as an INFJ I feel that there is much more “extra” in my mind in comparison to my INTJ. He is more focused and that benefits him, especially in work life. At the same time I can more accurately predict human related outcomes and people tend to find something “special” in me, which is both a blessing and a burden. My father is an INTP, my mother ENFJ and my brother INFP. My two best friends are ENFJ and ENFP. I have found that I can learn a lot from other types a lot as well, but I am very happy that I am in a relationship with an INTJ. He is my rock.

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