If you’re an INFJ personality type like me, you prefer long-term, lasting romantic relationships as opposed to casual encounters. However, I know sometimes things just don’t work out. I’ve had my fair share of heartache and disappointment, though I seldom feel my heart has been completely broken. This is not because I am callous or cold-hearted. You see, it takes a lot for an INFJ to really open up and be vulnerable with another person. We crave deep connections, and we strive for the ideal romance. This may seem unrealistic to other personality types, but INFJs possess a balance of idealism and realism. We want a great relationship and we do what it takes to build one — but only with the right person.
What’s your personality type? Knowing your personality type can help you leverage your natural strengths. Take the free personality test from our partner Personality Hacker.
So what is it like when an INFJ falls in love?
1. INFJs are fiercely loyal and protective.
We do not have many close relationships, because we don’t click with just anybody. Plus, we’re introverts, so we’d rather have a few close relationships than a lot of shallow ones. But the relationships we have are tried and true. We are also nurturing people by nature. If an INFJ falls in love with you, you become a top priority and we will do everything we can to take care of you.
2. We will be your biggest fan.
If an INFJ loves you, we will push you to be your best self while simultaneously accepting you exactly as you are (it seems contradictory, but somehow we pull it off). We see the potential you carry and we are willing to remind you of how capable you are of pursuing your goals. INFJs love helping people. We also love watching people learn and grow. If there is ever a time you doubt yourself, an INFJ will remind you of how great you are because we honestly believe you are great.
3. We open up at our own pace.
We may get into conversations that cover a lot of ground when you spend one-on-one time with us, but there is always more to know. To INFJs, there is no rush to give away information about ourselves, especially if we are certain we have met the right person. As we open up to you, you will see more and more of our inner world, which is surprisingly spontaneous and adventurous. You will hear what awakens our passion and what has affected us in the past. We open the door to our secret thoughts and feelings (a door that has probably been closed for a long time). This is a big deal to us, so please tread lightly.
4. We think. A lot.
We’re often accused of overthinking and being too “in our heads.” If we love you, we’ll spend time analyzing and reflecting on our time together. We also daydream, and our fantasies will be about you. Yet as cerebral as we are, we’re also emotional. We not only feel our own emotions intensely, but we’re also sensitive and understanding of the moods you’re in.
5. Our actions say more than our words.
Although INFJs can write one helluva love letter, we’re not the best at expressing our feelings verbally. We tend to express our love through our actions. Sometimes I verbally withhold my feelings, but I will show someone just how much I care by helping them with something or just being there for them. If we love you, you’ll see the signs.
6. We need our space.
We may have a great interest in learning about people, but we are true loners at heart. We spend a great deal of time observing the world and working toward our goals. This means we need time to decompress from a harsh world, so please don’t take it personally if we need time alone. But it’s nice to be alone with you, too. I’ve found that if I truly love someone, then I prefer to spend my “alone” time with that person. Even if we are sitting around reading for hours on end, I can still decompress while being with the person I love.
7. We will never forget you.
If for some reason the relationship doesn’t work out, we will never forget you. We hold significant relationships at the top of our priority list. If an INFJ has ever been in love with you, then you know how deep our love can be. We would likely want to thank you for letting us reveal so much of who we are, because it’s a real release for us to open up to someone we trust. It doesn’t happen very often. Rest assured you will always hold a special place in your INFJ’s heart.
My heart is not captured easily. I am disinterested in small talk, disillusioned with love, and too focused on my dreams and aspirations to lend anybody my attention for long. But if we make that connection, if you find your way into my heart, God, I will fall for you like gravity has let go of the earth. – Beau Taplin
Read this: An Open Letter to INFJs